Cinderella Ramble
Rinoa - Cinderella
Squall - Prince Charming
Selphie - Jacque the mouse
Zell - Fairy Godmother
Edea - Evil Stepmother
Biggs - Anastasia
Wedge - Drizzela
Cid - King
Quistis - Gus the mouse
Seifer - Lucifer the cat
Irvine - Doorman
Laguna - Narrator
(Everyone is backstage getting ready for the play. Rinoa, Quistis and Selphie are chatting a bit.)
Quistis: You have no idea how much I don't want to be a mouse. (crosses her arms)
Selphie: Same here...
Rinoa: Don't be so sad about it. I'm sure that you two will be great. (smiles big)
(Seifer enters, approaching the group in a black leotard, fuzzy cat ears, fuzzy cat tail and whiskers painted on his face)
Selphie: When is the play- (all three of them turn to look at Seifer)
Seifer: I hate being a cat. (growls under his breath)
(all three girls burst out laughing, falling to the floor)
Quistis: Oh Seifer. You look so-
Seifer: Shut up. Why do I have to be the cat? I hate looking all cute.
Rinoa: Oh don't worry, just wait until you see Biggs and Wedge.
Quistis: Now Seifer, did you remember your lines? (bites her lip, trying not to laugh)
Seifer: (rolls his eyes) Yes, I remember.
Quistis: (taps her foot on the floor and crosses her arms) I'm waiting...
Seifer: (takes a big breath) Meow.
Selphie: (jumps up and down and claps) Yay!! Do it again!!
Seifer: No. I hate this outfit.
Rinoa: Awww...I bet your mom will be so proud when you are on stage.
Seifer: Wait. My mom is here?!
(Rinoa shakes her head yes as Seifer peeks through the curtains and spots his mom)
Seifer's mom: (waves wildly and takes lots of pictures) Hi honey!! Good luck!!
Seifer: Oh God...(his mouth drops a bit)
Rinoa: See? I told you.
(Zell comes up behind Seifer and taps him on the shoulder in a light blue fluffy dress with a wand)
Zell: You think you have it bad? Look at me. I'm the fairy godmother.
Seifer: (looks Zell up and down and pinches his cheek) Awww...but you look so cute as a girl.
Zell: Shut the hell up. (hits him over the head with his wand a few times)
Selphie: I like you as the fairy godmother, Zell. You look so cute!!
Zell: Hey, Squall. Come over here and look at Mr. Kitty Cat!! (bursts out laughing)
(Squall enters and takes a look at the group and laughs)
Squall: All of you look so ridiculous. (shakes his head)
Quistis: At least you get to look good. Most of us are animals.
(Cid enters and looks at the group and chuckles to himself)
Cid: Alright people!! It's showtime!!
(the lights dim and Laguna walks in front of the curtains and clears his throat)
Laguna: Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Cinderella. She lived with her father, stepmother and two stepsisters, Anastasia and Drizzela. One day, Cinderella's father died and she had to live with her stepmother and her stepsisters. They turned her into her personal maid, making her do all the- (noises from behind the curtain irritates Laguna. It was Biggs and Wedge. Laguna turns to them) hey shut the hell up you two. Ahem...they turned her into her personal maid, making her do all the work around the house.
(Laguna walks off the stage and the curtains open to show Biggs and Wedge as the two stepsisters making Rinoa do housework)
Biggs: And once you're done sweeping the floor, you can wash my dresses! (he hands her the dresses, then thinks to himself) Hey, I think that I can get used to wearing dresses...heh heh.
Wedge: And don't forget to shine my shoes then scrub the floor!! (he drops some shoes onto the floor)
Rinoa: (shakes her head yes) Yes, Drizzela and Anastasia. I will do these things as soon as possible. (she sighs heavily and continues sweeping the floor)
(there is a knock at the door and Biggs looks at her)
Biggs: (taps his foot impatiently) Well? Aren't you going to answer that?
Rinoa: Yes, Drizzela. (sulks over to the door and answers it)
Irvine: Howdy - I mean - hello, young lady. (hands her a invitation to the ball at the castle) This is for you. Gooodbye. (turns and walks away)
(Edea enters from another room)
Edea: Bring that letter here!! (holds out her hand)
(Rinoa obediently brings her the invitation. Edea opens it and reads it out loud)
Edea: You are cordially invited to the King's ball at the castle. Bring women.
Biggs: Yay!! I get to go to a ball and wear my prettiest dress!! (twirls around and bumps into Wedge)
Wedge: Hey!! Watch it!! (shoves him back)
Biggs: No. You watch it!! (punches him in the face)
(the two get into a wrestling fight, rolling onto the ground, punching and kicking each other)
Edea: GIRLS!! Will you two stop fighting?!
(both of them stood up and Biggs looks down at his dress)
Biggs: Awwww...you ripped my dress! Now I have to buy a new one! (storms off the stage)
Wedge: Hey! That's not supposed to happen...
Rinoa: So, stepmother...do I get to go to the ball? (clasps her hands together)
Edea: Once you get all of your chores done, you can go. Now, where is Lucifer? (puts her hands on her hips)
(Seifer walks onto the stage, sulking over to Edea)
Seifer: (takes a deep breath) Meow.
Edea: (pats his head) Good cat. Come on and lets go get you something to eat...(walks off the stage)
Seifer: Meow. (sulks off behind her)
(Quistis and Selphie enter the room and stands next to her as Wedge leaves the stage)
Rinoa: Jacque!! Gus!! I get to go to the ball if I get my chores done!! (twirls around)
Quistis: Really? Do you have a dress picked out?
Rinoa: No...but do you two want to help me make a dress?
Selphie: Yeah! (looks over to Quistis) Let's start right away!!
(Selphie grabs Quistis and scurries off the stage. Rinoa follows behind. The curtains close and applause echoes throughout the theatre. The curtains open again, showing Rinoa out in the courtyard of the night of the ball, crying)
Rinoa: Oh, why can't I go to the ball? Why? It's not fair!
(Zell enters flying on some wires attached to him as he is dressed in a light blue dress and a wand. He flies right into the scenery face first)
Zell: OW! Go right! Go right!
(he slams into the scenery again)
Zell: Your other right, dumbass!! (he flies over to Rinoa and is set down next to her) What is wrong, my child?
Rinoa: (looks up to him) Fairy godmother! My evil stepmother told me I can't go to the ball and my dress is ruined...
Zell: (taps his chin with his wand) You need a new dress! And a beautiful carriage! Let me think of that one spell that makes you all better...Ah yes. It's Rama Lama Ding Dong....No, no (hits himself on the head with his wand) it's this one! Bippity Boppity Boo!
(he waves his wand and a new dress appears on Rinoa and a carriage appears)
Rinoa: Oh thank you fairy godmother!
Zell: Hey, I'm pretty damn good with this thing....Oh yeah! Be home by midnight for the spell will be broken by then or something...
Rinoa: I will fairy godmother. Goodbye...(gets into the carriage and waves)
Zell: And remember. Midnight!! (waves his wand goodbye and turns a rock into a frog. it hops towards him) Jesus!!
(lifts up and flies into the scenery again)
Zell: OW! My face! It's ruined! (flies off the stage after crashing into it a few more times)
(curtains close, then open to the ballroom of the castle. Everyone is dancing and having a good time)
Biggs: Don't I just look marvelous in this dress?? (giggles and spins into Wedge)
Wedge: Watch it!! (shoves him away)
Biggs: You watch it!! (takes off his white glove and slaps Wedge across the face)
Wedge: Oh? So that's how it is? (takes off his white glove and slaps Biggs across the face)
(the two get into a slapping fight, then ending up into a wrestling fight)
Edea: GIRLS!! The prince and the king are coming over!! BEHAVE!!
(the two get up and Squall and Cid walk over to the three of them)
Cid: What do you think of these two?
Squall: Nah. They're too ugly.
Biggs: Why I oughta- (stops and notices Rinoa walk in) is that Cinderella?
Wedge: Nah. It can't be. (squints to see better) Nope. It's not her.
Cid: My son, what about her? (points to Rinoa)
Squall: Yes, she is quite pretty. I will go and ask her to dance with me. (walks over to Rinoa) May I have this dance?
Rinoa: Sure.
(they both go to the center of the dance floor and start dancing. Squall steps on Rinoa's feet multiple times)
Rinoa: Ouch!! Watch where you're stepping you big oaf!!
Squall: Hey! It's not my fault that I suck at dancing!
(the clock strikes midnight)
Rinoa: Damnit! I have to leave! (starts to leave the stage and leaves a glass slipper behind)
Squall: No! Don't leave me! (trips over the glass slipper) Hey, it's the shoe that i stepped on. I'm surprised that I didn't break it already.
Biggs: Now's my chance to impress the prince...(walks over to the prince, but is stopped by Wedge) Hey! He's mine! I'm the pretty one!
Wedge: No! I am! (punches him in the gut)
Biggs: I am! (punches him in the face)
(the two wrestle yet again in front of the prince as the curtain closes. it reopens to show Rinoa, Seifer, Edea, Biggs and Wedge)
Edea: Keep on scrubbing that floor, Cinderella!! I want to eat off of that floor!!
Wedge: Why would you want to eat off of it?
Edea: (hits Wedge over the head) It's just an expression!! Lucifer. Come here and sit on mommy's lap.
Seifer: No - I mean - meow. (growls under his breath, sulks over to Edea and sits on her lap)
(Edea pets Seifer on the head as someone knocks on the door)
Biggs: Answer the damn door, Cinderella!! (smooths out his dress and giggles)
Rinoa: Yes, Drizzela.
(she walks over to the door and answers it)
Irvine: I have come here to find the owner of the slipper. Could I try it on you and your-(looks at Biggs and Wedge) God, those are two ugly sisters.
Biggs: Why I oughta beat your damn face in!! But first, I'll try on that slipper because I know that I fit in that thing. Bring it here!
(Irvine brings over the slipper and Biggs struggles with it for a long time)
Irvine: Ok. Your turn is over...(pulls the slipper away from him and looks over to Wedge) How about you?
Wedge: Sure. (puts on the slipper and struggles with it as well)
Irvine: Ok. You two don't fit the slipper, and thank God too...
Biggs: That's it!! You're dead!! (runs over to Irvine and tries to punch him, but is stopped by Edea)
Edea: Will you stop it!!!
Rinoa: I want to try the slipper on.
Irvine: Alright.
(he puts the slipper on her foot and it fits perfectly)
Biggs: You bitch!!
Wedge: Yeah! What he said!
(the curtain closes and reopens showing Rinoa and Squall getting married)
Biggs: Damnit! Why is she the lucky one? Everyone knows that I'm the pretty one!
Wedge: You are not! I am!
Biggs: Are not! I'm the pretty one! (he puts Wedge in a headlock)
Wedge: Don't make me laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha. (punches him in the gut)
Edea: GIRLS!! How many times to I have to tell you? BEHAVE! We are now royalty.
Biggs: (jumps up and down) Does that mean that I get to wear a tiara?!
Wedge: Do I get to wear one too?
Edea: Yes, you both get to wear one. Now come on Lucifer and girls, let's go.
Seifer: Meow. (hangs head down)
(all four of them leaves as the curtain closes for the last time)
The End!!
