"I want to die... I want to die..." he whispered softly to the dark silence of his solitary cell as he grasped the cold metal bars in his frozen hands. "I want to die... but first... I want to be loved by someone."
Now that he sat on the edge of the bed in a room dimly lit by a dying fire, he had to wonder why that of all things had been so important to him. He had wanted this for so long. He had spent all those years searching for it. But now that he had actually found someone to love him, he felt cold alone and afraid. Far more than he had felt back in the days when he would pathetically grab at the bars and futilly whisper his hopes.
He felt around for his clothes in the dim light and quickly and quietly slipped them on. He couldn't lay there anymore. The darkness was suffocating him, the stillness was suffocating him, his life was suffocating him. In this tiny dim room, all his hopes had been realized and his sense of purpose had been shattered. All those years of searching only to find out that what he sought did not satiate him. He stood up, sighing. He had to get out of that room.
"Hey..."
The voice from the bed made him freeze in mid-step as a shiver shot up his spine. He turned his head to look back in regret. His lover had appeared to be asleep when he first started to move but that wouldn't have been the first time he had been fooled by appearances. His lover sat up in the bed, never taking his eyes off of him.
He smiled at his lover and again turned to leave, hoping that no more would be said, that nothing would be questioned. As his hand settled upon the cold metal doorknob, he heard his lover call out to him again.
"Don't go..."
His eyes widened in shock as his hand tightened around the doorknob. The pressure had just surged. He was suffocating even more now.
"Stay."
His cold hand released the doorknob suddenly and he returned to the bed again. Perhaps suffocation wasn't so bad. Perhaps it was the only thing he had left to prove to himself that he was still alive. As he slipped under the covers, he fell into his lover's grasp once more.
"Why were you leaving?"
He shifted about in his lover's embrace. It was stifling. Suffocating, just like everything else.
"Aren't you comfortable here?"
He wanted to lie to his lover, if not to make his lover feel better than to make himself feel better. He wanted to say that he was fine. He wanted to say that he was comfortable and happy there in his lover's arms. He wanted to say that it was by some strange accident that he had been walking toward the door only a moment ago. Sadly, for once the truth came far easier than the lies.
"I'm not," he shook his head.
"Is it because of me?"
"No."
"Is it because of your past?"
He tensed for a moment but then relaxed. "I suppose."
"We'll work through it," his lover assured him. "Until then, stay."
"Alright," he sighed.
"Good night then, Fai," his lover said.
"Good night, Kurogane," Fai returned.
