Preface: This Planet is Too Small
"This planet is too small. The whole world is like a graveyard."
"Come back with us."
"I haven't traveled far enough yet. I've got a lot of dirt to shake off my shoes." Jack nodded at Gwen. "And right now, there's a cold fusion freighter surfing the ion reeves, just on the edge of the Sol system. Just waiting to open its transport dock; I just need to send a signal."
Gwen smiled and held up her forefinger in Jack's face. She reached into her right-hand coat pocket and pulled out a familiar leather strap. Unfolding it, she said, "I found it in the wreckage. Indestructible. I can sew and I put on a new strap for you."
"Cost me fifty quid that!"
"Bill me!"
"Are you ever coming back, Jack?"
"What for?"
"Me. It wasn't your fault," she said as tears began to fall from her eyes.
"I think it was."
"No," she shook her head.
"Steven. And Ianto. And Owen. And Tosh. And Suzie. And…" He looked away. "All of them, because of me."
"But you…you saved us, didn't you?"
"I began to like it," Jack nodded. "And look what I became. Still, I have lived so many lives. It's time to find another one." He took a step back from Gwen and pushed a button on the vortex manipulator now strapped to his wrist.
"But they died, and I am sorry, Jack, but you cannot just run away. You cannot run away," Gwen pleaded through teary eyes.
"Oh yes I can," Jack said as light beams surrounded him. "Just watch me." And the light engulfed him, shooting like a rocket into the sky. No more than a twinkling star in the distances. When he was gone, Gwen finally broke. Huge sobs, with tears running down her cheeks. Rhys stepped forward and lay a comforting hand on her back.
"Let's go home, yeah?"
Gwen nodded, turning to her husband. She placed a hand on either side of his chin, before looking at the sky once more. "Yeah." She looked down and turned around. Rhys put his hand on her shoulder and led her down the hillside, but she turned back to watch the sky where Jack had disappeared as they went, before turning back to wrap both arms around Rhys's middle. Together they walked back down the hill to their car and drove back to their small home in the outskirts of Cardiff.
Jack hitched a ride on the cold fusion cruiser the whole way to the planet Zog. His favorite intergalactic bar was there in the small city of Zaggit Zagoo. Jack went in to find the place packed with every species of alien you could imagine. He sat at the bar and ordered a drink.
As he was starting at his drink, Jack looked up to find the bartender heading his way, carrying a small piece of paper. He dropped the paper in front of Jack and pointed his thumb over his shoulder as he spoke. "From the man over there." Jack looked up.
Not who he was expecting. The Doctor in his family pin-striped suit and long brown trench coat, strolled into view where the bartender had pointed. He nodded towards Jack. Jack looked down briefly and opened the piece of paper. In the Doctor's tidy scroll is said only four words "His name is Alonso." Jack looked up curiously at the Doctor who nodded towards the young midshipman on Jack's left-hand side. Jack turned his head towards the man. He seemed to be chatting with the others around him, not noticing Jack's presence at all. His face still pulled into a tight line, Jack turned back to the Doctor who salute with his right thumb and forefinger.
Jack drew in a deep breath and gave the Doctor full military salute. The Doctor, straight-faced himself nodded casually and strolled away in the opposite direction of which he entered, his hands deep in his trouser pockets. Jack swallowed hard and fiddled with his drink as he turned to his left again. "So, Alonso." The young man turned to face Jack with a look of confusion. Jack tried to smile as best he could. "Goin' my way?"
"How d'you know my name?"
Jack shook his head and raised his eyebrows as he came up with a clever ploy. "I'm kind of psychic." He did his best to laugh at his own joke and force a tooth-y grin.
"Really?" Jack nodded, his smile fading. The man examined Jack. "Do you know what I'm thinking right now?"
"Oh yeah," Jack said. He forced another smile and examined the midshipman. Alonso smiled genuinely, causing Jack to laugh ironically and down the last of his drink in one gulp. He slammed the glass to the bar counter when he'd finished and turned back to Alonso who was still half-smiling at him. Maybe sex with a handsome man would get his mind off everything. It was worth a shot at least.
Alonso enjoyed his night with Captain, but he could tell Jack wasn't all that into the encounter. When they'd finished, Alonso turned to Jack in the small motel room they'd found just down the street. "I'm sorry."
"Why you sorry?" Jack said reaching for his trousers. Sex, even with this handsome midshipman, had in fact not been the thing to pull Jack from his dark place, so he forced yet another smile in Alonso's direction.
"You clearly didn't enjoy that," Alonso said, buttoning up his shirt.
"It's not that," Jack said. He buttoned his pants and reached for his shirt, letting his suspenders hang at his sides as he stood in the small room. Alonso looked away as he started putting his socks and shoes on. "It really isn't," Jack said as he buttoned the last button on his blue shirt.
"Well," Alonso said, getting to his feet and heading for his jacket which hung over a chair near the door. "Not my place to ask so I won't." He nodded towards Jack and picked up his jacket and opened the door. "Good-bye, Jack." He stepped through the door.
"No," Jack said, getting to his feet. "Wait." Alonso turned around to face him. "You should know," Jack said, his face fading to a frown. "It really isn't your fault, Alonso. And it really wasn't that I didn't enjoy it, because I did. It's not that. Not at all. Don't feel bad," he said approaching the man.
Alonso turned from Jack again and stepped through the door the whole way reaching for the nob to pull it shut behind him. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Please, don't be sorry, Alonso."
"You're psychic though. You know what I'm thinking," Alonso said, turning back again. Jack had put a hand on the door to stop it closing. "And just tell me I'm wrong, why don't you?"
"Because I'm not really psychic." Jack was losing his touch, apparently. "Not at all."
"But you knew my name. Knew what I was thinking." Alonso took a step back towards the door.
"Because I was told your name and I guessed what you were thinking, because it was pretty obvious." Jack stepped back into the room and sunk into one of two chairs near the door.
"Who?"
"What?"
"Who told you? My name."
"An old friend," Jack said. A smirk tugged at his face, before giving up.
"Who though? No one there knew me."
Jack smiled to himself. "That's what I thought about me, too, until the bartender passed me a note and pointed out the old friend across the bar."
"Who was it though?"
"The Doctor."
"He was there? I haven't seen him in ages. I only ever met him once."
"I haven't seen him in a while either, but I've definitely met him more than once."
"Who are you, really?"
"Captain Jack Harkness. Torchwood," Jack sighed at the last word.
"Torchwood? What's that?"
"It's complicated. How did you meet the Doctor?"
"My first time out," Alonso said, tugging at his shirt and stepping back into the room. "On the Titanic. We crashed into his ship and then it all went to hell. I was on the bridge with the captain and I noticed that the shields were down, which was fine, except a meteor storm was headed straight at us. I went to turn them on and the captain shot me."
"He shot you for trying to save his ship? Why?" Jack said, suddenly interested.
"He was trying to destroy it. It was his plan all along. The meteors came and they killed the captain and I was badly injured when the Doctor finally arrived. I was stuck in the bridge and he told me how to keep the engines running so we wouldn't go crashing into the Earth." Jack smiled. The Doctor really was good at saving Earth no matter what was going on. "But then a Heavenly Host appeared and tried to kill me."
"Heavenly host?"
"They were the ship's butlers I guess. Sort of robots, I suppose. Made to answer people's questions and serve the passengers." Alonso sat in the chair opposite Jack. "I deadlocked the doors. Trapping me inside the bridge, but keeping them out. The Doctor eventually used one of their heads to break through the door to get to me. We worked together and steered the ship away from Buckingham Palace and London and back into the skies, then he just sort of left. Didn't even say good-bye."
"Where are you from, Alonso?"
"Sto."
"Casivanian belt, right?" Jack said.
"Yeah, that's right. Where are you?"
"Originally?" Jack said, with a hollow laugh. Alonso nodded. "Originally, I was born on the Boeshane Peninsula in the year 5094."
"Oh! You're a time traveler?"
"Yes, or I was. Been stuck on Earth for several millennia now."
"How old are you?"
"I'm not actually sure," Jack said stroking his chin.
"But what are you? You're not human and you're not Stoan. What are you?"
"Human. Mostly."
"What do you mean, mostly? Humans don't live for millennia, do they?"
"Not ordinarily, no." Jack shook his head. "I can't die though," he looked up at Alonso. "Just come right back to life when I do. Death isn't pleasant, but neither is waking up afterwards." Jack's face fell into his hands as tears started to fall.
"What is it?" Alonso said, leaning closer. "What's wrong?"
"I can't die, Alonso," Jack said, looking up. "But everyone else around me can and does." He dropped his face into his hands again.
"Is that what was wrong then? Did you lose someone?"
"I've lost everyone. My team. My family. Everyone."
"Team?"
"I was the leader of Torchwood. Gwen's all that's left and I left her."
"But what is Torchwood?"
"The Torchwood Institute. We're there to deal with the things the government and police force can't. We spent the last several years dealing with the repercussions of having an active space/time rift running straight through the middle of Cardiff." He looked up at Alonso again. "And my team. They're gone. I've lost them all."
"But how? Why?"
"Owen got himself trapped inside a nuclear reactor when it went into melt down." Jack looked up. "My fault. Tosh got shot by my little brother. My fault." Jack swallowed hard. "Ianto. Ianto died. The first victim of an alien plague. He died – in my arms." Jack broke down in tears into his hands again. "My fault," he mumbled through sobs.
"How is any of that your fault?" Alonso said reaching over to rub Jack's shoulder soothingly.
"It's always my fault," he said between sobs. "I should have went to the reactor instead of Owen. I wouldn't have died when it went into melt down. I would have come back. Good as new. My fault. Gray shot Toshiko because she was protecting me. My fault. And," Jack swallowed again. It was obvious that Ianto's death hurt him the most. "And – Ianto. He died because I had him come with me to Thames House. He could have stayed behind. Gone with Rhys. Stayed with Gwen. Anything. But he came with me. I died, too. Waking up when you know the world is empty is the worst thing I've ever experienced." Jack sunk into the chair, tears still rolling from his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said looking at Alonso. "I shouldn't have brought you here."
"No," Alonso said, standing. "You wanted someone and I was available. I understand." He patted Jack's shoulder again. "But now. I really have to go. My ship is leaving soon." He looked at his watch. "Only got about fifteen more minutes." Jack looked up. "Good-bye, Jack." And Alonso left, closing the door behind him. Jack stayed in the chair for the rest of the night, thinking and crying. Eventually as the darkness grew so that he could not see anymore, he dragged himself back over to the bed and kicked off his shoes, and removed his coat. He crawled under the covers and fell asleep in a puddle of his own tears.
