Voice
Disclaimer: I'd like to see the person who thinks I own this.
Archives: Please, just ask.
Warnings: Slash Remus/Sirius. Dark.
Rating: PG13
Reviews: Constructive criticism? PLEASE.
A/N: … you wanted me to say something, how touching…
When you come back to a quiet house and somehow you know, you just know, that something's happened, what can you do but fumble for your keys and go in and face whatever it is. When the lights are all off and there's a strong smell of magic in the room and all you want to do is scream, "Remus!" and just see if he's alright but you already know nothing will ever be right again.
When you turn on the living room light and see him lying there, all you can think of is Voldemort's face and hear his cackling laughter when all you want to do is hear Remus' voice by your ear. He always had a gentle, sweet voice, even after his voice broke. He could make you laugh or cry in a few words, but there's only one word for you and you're screaming it, "Remus! Remus…" until your throat bleeds and you're picking up the limp, dead body to look at it's peaceful, blood stained face, where the Death Eaters have cut his arms and smeared him with it.
You can't think anymore, not even of Voldemort, because you're crying and your heart's pouring out with it into the corpse that so loved you when he was alive.
They took James, they took Lily, they took Remus and the last was the bitterest parting, because you love him so much that everything loses colour and texture when he isn't by you and everything sounds like harsh noises when he doesn't talk, and everything feels like clay when you can't touch him. They took Remus and broke your heart with it.
Remus always thought you had plenty of control, well he should see you now, holding the dead body of his best friend, flicking from dog to man in his intense grief, just holding him because you can't bear to think he's parted from you forever and you need to feel him next to you because it can make you believe for a time that this didn't happen, that it's just a bad dream and you'll soon wake up and everything will be right again and all you need to do is just hear his voice one more time, that comforting thrill of hearing it will wake you up and…
It's a child's fantasy, you know that, I know that and you're whispering, "I love you," into his hair, hoping that he'll wake and smile sleepily and say, "I love you too," but he'll never do that again, because the second Voldemort said the killing curse he was sundered forever from this world and for him Sirius was his world, his heart and his soul.
Without Remus there is no Sirius, without him he's incomplete, like just before he went to Hogwarts. If Remus hadn't had a headache and not gone to work that day, if their Secret Keeper hadn't died that same night and if only, if only, the Death Eaters hadn't gone that day.
You can't stop crying, and you don't really want to, because for a while it's just a soul cleanser and it makes you feel so much better because in some stupid, stupid way, life has to go on hasn't it?
You're hysterical, and you won't stop laughing and laughing, "Go on then! Speak!" and you're shaking that poor corpse as if to shake him back to life because all you want to do is hear his voice and say, "I love you, Remus, please don't leave me like that again."
In a way you're imagining his recovery, bringing him flowers, never letting him out of your sight again, kissing him and never letting go, but it's too late because he's gone and there's no magical cure. Death can't be cured by anything, and no one can stop it when it chooses to come.
But when it's too late you can never let go, because all you want to do is hear his voice.
