Family Guy Presents:

'Oldest And Newest'

Well, here it is –Seth MacFarlane's cartoon shows retelling of the Return of the Jedi, Return of the King or the Bourne Ultimatum of the Toy Story trilogy: Toy Story 3.

Note: I own nothing. Family Guy, American Dad! and The Cleveland Show all belong to the cartoon god Seth MacFarlane and Toy Story belongs to the Gods of CGI movies: Pixar!

Cast List

Toys

Glenn Quagmire as Woody

Cleveland Brown as Buzz Lightyear

Donna Tubbs (from The Cleveland Show) as Jessie

Rallo Tubbs (from The Cleveland Show) as Bullseye

Carter Pewterschmidt as Lotso

Peter Griffin as Mr. Potato Head

Lois Griffin as Mrs. Potato Head

Chris Griffin as Rex

Brian Griffin as Slinky Dog

Carl as Hamm

Jeremy as Aliens

Stan Smith (from American Dad!) as Sarge

Steve Smith (from American Dad!) as Ken

Snot (from American Dad!) as Twitch

Barry (from American Dad!) as Chunk

Toshi (from American Dad!) as Sparks

Stewie Griffin as Big Baby

Roberta Tubbs (from The Cleveland Show) as Stretch

RJ - as the Chatter Telephone

Gus (from The Cleveland Show) as the Bookworm

The Evil Monkey as the Cymbal-banging monkey

Herbert the Pervert as Chuckles

Roger the Alien (from American Dad!) as Mr. Pricklepants

Dr. Hartman as Buttercup

Babs Pewterschmidt as Trixie

Angela as Dolly

Sanders, Jackson and Dick as the Peas-in-a-pod

Cleveland Brown Jr. as Totoro

Humans and Animals

Johnny Collins (from American Dad!) as Andy

Olivia as Molly

Lisa Collins (from American Dad!) as Andy's Mom

Jeff Fischer (from American Dad!) as Buster

Susie Swanson as Bonnie

Bonnie Swanson as Bonnie's mom


"My fellow citizens," greeted Mayor Adam West. He was in front of a lot of people at Quahog Docks. "Thank you all for coming to Quahog Docks. You're in luck. You are the very first passengers for the maiden voyage of my new cruise line, Adam West Cruises."

The people looked at the cruise behind him. They looked impressed.

"Wow, it's so massive!" cried Cleveland Brown Jr.

"And beautifully clean," added Lois Griffin.

"And it has West's head on it," moaned Brian Griffin. He was right. It did have West's head on the bow.

"Well, if you're all impressed with the look of the boat," said West, "then you'll all love the destinations we're going to."

"A Justin Bieber concert?" cried Roberta Tubbs excitedly.

"A Lindsay Lohan concert?" cried Steve Smith.

"A non-polluted place for endangered animals?" muttered Hayley Smith.

"A museum of beer!" yelled Peter Griffin, Cleveland Brown, Joe Swanson and Quagmire.

"A place where I can make some friends," said Meg.

Every passenger looked at her and laughed.

"Yes, well," West said. "Anyway, I'm sure we'll all have a good time. I know I will. I'm going to be in my captain's cabin the whole voyage. So, please, don't disturb me!"

And, with that, he boarded the cruise.


"It's been two hours have passed since we left the docks," moaned Lois, as she lied on a sun deck, "and I'm bored as hell. Seriously, I bet hell is more exciting than this.

"Yeah," agreed Bonnie, who was sitting on the sun deck next her. "I'm having more fun changing Suzie's diapers."

And I'm having more fun watching people going to the bathroom, thought Suzie. It's not as gross as I thought it was.

Meanwhile, CIA agent Stan Smith had his gun out and was pointing it around the place.

"Stan!" cried Francine, his wife. "Why are you waving your gun?"

"Because I'm so bored, Francine," replied Stan. "And this is the only thing I can think to keep me entertained."

At the bar, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe were spitting out beer on the floor.

"Oh, God!" cried Quagmire. "This beer tastes more like sewage water!"

"And we tried every beer on the cruise," added Cleveland.

"What? No beer?" screamed Joe. "I can't stand it! I've got to get off this damn cruise!" He wheeled himself to the edge of the cruise and, hitting the railing, he fell out of his chair and into the sea.

"I'd like to see how this can get any worse," said Peter.

Then the cruise stopped and the power went off.

"Oh, well done, Peter," said Quagmire. "Now everything is much worse!"

Everyone was going even crazier and actually fighting each other. Stan, Stewie and everyone who had a gun were actaully firing them.

"Attention, everyone!"

Everyone turned to see Peter under the giant screen. He put his microphone away.

"I have a great story to tell until... something happens," he said.

"It's Toy Story 3, isn't it?" said Meg.

"Oh, no," cried Donna Tubbs. "Not the sad one."

"I couldn't be bear to watch it again," sobbed Steve. "I found Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill more relaxing."

"That movie put me in the psychiatric hospital," sobbed Holt.

"Thanks for giving the details away, Meg!" snapped Peter. "Now this is a story about loss, depression, moving on and near-death-experiences... Here is Toy Story 3."