Title: This Is Not Me
Author, uh, Poet I suppose: Chibi Zen-chan
Rating: PG-13 (reason for the rating? NO REASON! HA!)
Summary: Draco reflects on himself.
Disclaimer: Well, what do -you- think?
Notes: Well, you know whose POV it is, and if you're smart you'll figure out who it's about. Who do you think? *blinks*
Standing there,
Almost wishing you were going through this
Instead of me.
I'd laugh at you, you know I would,
But you'd never laugh at me.
Would you?
No, I was the aristocrat,
The snob who thought he was best,
But I wasn't.
You were. You always have been, always will be.
Always?
I'm not sure you'll be there always.
But dear gods do I hope you will...
I see you,
Tears running down your face,
And I can almost imagine I see blood,
Because it makes it more acceptable that I want to cry too.
Why do I want to cry?
You never loved me,
Never even liked me,
But here I am, wanting to fling myself onto you,
Tell you all my secrets,
Including the ones concerning you.
You see, it isn't all black and white.
There are numerous shades of grey.
And that's where we are.
But we are different shades of grey.
Myself, I lean towards the darker shades,
Whereas you're stumbling backwards onto the paler ones.
You try to pull me with you,
Give me a chance,
But will I listen?
Do you think I ever will?
Because my cold front will never fade,
Never let you in,
And willpower and mental willingness have but nought to do with it.
This is not me.
This teasing,
Not me.
This endless hatred,
Not me.
This burning jealousy,
Is that me?
Do I feel like this?
Or is this another, even deeper part of me,
Another part that tells nought but lies,
Spinning tales of deceit that even I will believe?
Maybe I already know.
Maybe I just can't find the answer among the wreckage that is my emotional self.
Maybe I'll never know,
Stuck in these endless 'maybe's and 'what if's,
Paying no real attention to the here and now,
Because the here and now is too painful for even me,
And when you figure that out,
You might understand me.
But until then,
I must keep meeting you with this icy diamond shield,
Always contradicting myself,
Always making excuses,
Always consoling myself with this thought,
This is not me.
Author, uh, Poet I suppose: Chibi Zen-chan
Rating: PG-13 (reason for the rating? NO REASON! HA!)
Summary: Draco reflects on himself.
Disclaimer: Well, what do -you- think?
Notes: Well, you know whose POV it is, and if you're smart you'll figure out who it's about. Who do you think? *blinks*
Standing there,
Almost wishing you were going through this
Instead of me.
I'd laugh at you, you know I would,
But you'd never laugh at me.
Would you?
No, I was the aristocrat,
The snob who thought he was best,
But I wasn't.
You were. You always have been, always will be.
Always?
I'm not sure you'll be there always.
But dear gods do I hope you will...
I see you,
Tears running down your face,
And I can almost imagine I see blood,
Because it makes it more acceptable that I want to cry too.
Why do I want to cry?
You never loved me,
Never even liked me,
But here I am, wanting to fling myself onto you,
Tell you all my secrets,
Including the ones concerning you.
You see, it isn't all black and white.
There are numerous shades of grey.
And that's where we are.
But we are different shades of grey.
Myself, I lean towards the darker shades,
Whereas you're stumbling backwards onto the paler ones.
You try to pull me with you,
Give me a chance,
But will I listen?
Do you think I ever will?
Because my cold front will never fade,
Never let you in,
And willpower and mental willingness have but nought to do with it.
This is not me.
This teasing,
Not me.
This endless hatred,
Not me.
This burning jealousy,
Is that me?
Do I feel like this?
Or is this another, even deeper part of me,
Another part that tells nought but lies,
Spinning tales of deceit that even I will believe?
Maybe I already know.
Maybe I just can't find the answer among the wreckage that is my emotional self.
Maybe I'll never know,
Stuck in these endless 'maybe's and 'what if's,
Paying no real attention to the here and now,
Because the here and now is too painful for even me,
And when you figure that out,
You might understand me.
But until then,
I must keep meeting you with this icy diamond shield,
Always contradicting myself,
Always making excuses,
Always consoling myself with this thought,
This is not me.
