Title: Eggshells
Author: Circumstance
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Not mine, not for profit.
Notes: Mulder's POV, set circa "DeadAlive". Feedback welcome.

Eggshells

I am trapped in a world of porcelain;
Stark, white, fragile, bare;
And though she stands here facing me,
She flickers, not quite there.
But there's a life-force in her smile,
A fleeting haven in her touch;
Though her smiles fall like raindrops
I can't catch them very much.
And when she reaches I can't touch her,
But in sudden terror, pull away;
The sadness I put in her eyes
Haunts me night and day.
We're walking here on eggshells;
Every word that leaves my lips
I fear will shatter her, destroy her,
Make us lose our timid grip.
So we stand motionless on eggshells
As they crack beneath our feet.
We dance in swaying fluid circles;
Our bodies never meet.

I hear us breathing in the silence,
Nowhere to focus but her face;
Feeling empty, thinking how long it's been
Since she was my anchor and saving grace.
I can't find the person she used to be
Though I delve deep within her eyes;
Instead of finding steel there,
She clings to me and cries.
I know it hurts her that I've also changed;
I've caught her searching my eyes, too.
We both need to connect with each other,
We just don't know what to do.
She steps forward, but I back away;
I reach for her, she retreats.
Afraid to crack our fragile world,
We can't find a way to meet.

For now I scan her cautiously
From a distant, far-off view;
I'm absorbing her essence once again,
But it's never been this hard to do.
I need to break out of this bone-brittle world
With its silent guilt, unspoken crimes;
No more circle-talking, eggshell-walking;
I need a break, I need some time.
But her eyes are blue and pleading;
Desperate hands grasp empty air.
I know she needs me in her arms,
But the last place I can go is there.
For if either dam, hers or mine,
Were to crumble, buckle, crack,
The flood of pain would shatter our world
And we'd never get it back.
So in the center of swirling vortices
And destinies we cheat,
We cannot break these eggshells
And we cannot ever meet.