Chapter One
Penelope was staring up at the stars when Derek found her.
"You okay, Baby Girl?"
She turned and offered him a sad smile. "I will be," she assured him.
Derek stepped closer and put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her to him and as she rested her head on his shoulder, he kissed the top of her head.
The gathering (Penelope couldn't really call it a party) was breaking up now and everyone was saying their goodbyes, sharing final memories of Erin Strauss and calling cabs. The bittersweet evening was over.
"You know, funerals are to say goodbye to someone," Penelope mused, "but I don't feel like I said goodbye. I don't feel a sense of closure."
"No one does; that comes with time."
Penelope sighed and pulled away from Derek. "I didn't even know her that well. I can't even imagine how Rossi-"
Derek knew that Penelope's heart was more easily hurt than the rest of the team and it was one of the things he loved about her; that despite heartache, she had never become at all jaded and as well as facing her own grief at losing a friend, albeit not a close one, she felt pain for everyone else on her team.
"Hush," he said, placing a finger over her lips. "Rossi will be fine, we all will."
Penelope nodded and offered him another sad smile.
"You want to share a cab?" Derek asked, unwilling to let her go while she was still upset.
"I don't want to be alone tonight," she admitted.
That was another thing, she wasn't afraid to say how she felt or ask for what she needed.
Derek smiled and pulled her to him again, kissing her forehead. "Your place or mine?"
"Yours."
"Really?"
Penelope nodded. "Your place reminds me of you and you comfort me. I need comfort right now."
Her words healed a tiny bit of his own pain at the loss, just knowing that he meant so much to someone like her made him feel ten feet tall.
"Mine it is, Mama." He looped an arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the house. "What do you say we watch some cheesy movies and drown our sorrows in enough margaritas to float a small boat?"
"Sounds good," she said, wrapping an arm about his waist.
The team were all on leave for another day, so getting up for work wasn't an issue. They would be back in the office the day after but on light duty, and not cleared for active duty until they had all been seen by and declared fit by the department shrink.
Penelope never really understood why they made the profilers see a shrink; sure they had issues, like everybody does, but they also knew the right answers to give to fake being healthy. Besides, if the shrink was any good, they would surely be a profiler, right? It was like asking a student to evaluate the knowledge of their teacher.
Still, it would probably be another week before they could be back at work full time. She never understood why, at the time when most people arguably needed the most distraction, they were always given time off? And that wasn't just at the FBI; it was like you were abnormal and not grieving properly if you didn't take time off work. Penelope found that distraction was an excellent coping mechanism for any kind of heartache and the deeper the pain, the more work became a necessity. She knew Morgan felt the same way.
Derek opened the door and Penelope followed him inside, pausing in the hallway to look around and drink in his apartment.
While not exactly austere, his place was clean and uncluttered and despite using what she might term dull, earthy colours, it gave the place an understated and surprisingly warm look. Everything about this place screamed Derek Morgan and in times of trouble, Penelope liked being here, where not only was she with her best friend, she felt surrounded by him too.
"I'll make the first pitcher," he said. "You pick out a movie."
Penelope kicked off her shoes and headed for his DVD rack. He had surprisingly eclectic tastes in movies and almost everything, from documentaries to bad B movies was represented here. She picked Alien Women from Mars, which had a suitably melodramatic cover and surprisingly funny script for such a low budget film, although granted, much of that humour was unintentional.
She had just loaded it into the DVD player, when Derek returned with a jug of margarita in one hand, and two glasses in the other.
He had removed his jacket and she paused for a moment to admire him. She wasn't joking when she called him Hot Stuff and indeed, he was a frequent star of some of her racier daydreams.
He sat on the edge of the sofa as he poured two glasses, then sat back in the corner with his left arm stretched out along the back, an invitation to her.
She didn't need asking once, let alone twice, and she picked up her glass and snuggled into his side, as his arm went around her shoulders.
He picked up the remote and pressed play.
They were both silent to begin with, each more lost in their own thoughts that in the movie's plot. Neither were laughing like they had last time they watched this, but it did make them smile from time to time.
As she finished her second glass, Pen sighed. "You know, it's at times like this that I miss Kevin."
"You do?" Derek had never thought him equal to Penelope and wasn't at all upset when she said 'no' to marrying him.
"Well, maybe I miss the idea of him more than him, you know?"
"Not really," he admitted.
"It's just… having someone, someone who is always there for you; it's comforting."
"I'll always be here for you, Baby Girl, you just call and I'll come running."
"I know," she answered and patted his hand, but he could tell that she didn't really mean it. He felt a little hurt but he knew that grief could do strange things to a person, so he didn't ask for clarification, lest he spoil their beautiful friendship. Deep down, he knew that she would always be here for him too, and that was more than enough to negate any hurt her insincere words might have caused.
He kissed the top of her head.
They were silent for a few moments, until Penelope spoke again.
"Kevin wasn't very good at handling grief," she finally said.
Knowing that she was a little loaded, after wine at dinner and now his potent margaritas, although he was curious to know what she meant, he didn't press her for information. He didn't want her to feel bad about what she had revealed in the morning and if he pushed for more, she could even blame him. Besides, he didn't want to hear about her and Lynch.
"Oh?" was as much as he could bring himself to ask.
"Kevin was sweet and all but he wasn't like us, he's never really experienced any hardships. When we thought Emily had died, he was there for me and everything but it made me uncomfortable, you know?"
"Not really."
"Like I couldn't cry in front of him because it would upset him."
Although she couldn't see him, Derek nodded. "You were always the grownup in that relationship," he said carefully.
She nodded her head slowly.
"It shouldn't be like that though, should it? It should be two grownups, who can take turns supporting each other."
"That's the ideal," he agreed. Garcia sat up and placed her empty glass on the coffee table then as she sat back, slipped one arm behind his back and lay sideways, so her cheek was resting against his chest.
Derek smiled slightly and gently rubbed her back.
By the time the film ended, he knew she was asleep. He considered waking her but to be honest, he was getting as much comfort from her presence as he was giving. Besides, his couch was comfortable and spending a night here was no hardship. He kissed the top of her head.
"G'night, baby doll, sweet dreams," he murmured. She moved slightly and might have spoken but if so, it was too low for him to hear.
Smiling, he leaned his head back against the cushions and drifted off to sleep.
When Penelope awoke, it took her a moment to realise where she was, but when she realised that the odd black pillow under her cheek was in fact Derek's shirt, she smiled. He had slept on the sofa so as not to wake her, which she thought was exceedingly sweet of him.
Most people wouldn't call Derek sweet. Charming, smooth and debonair maybe, but not sweet. Penelope knew him better than most however.
She had never had a better friend than him and he was truly precious to her.
She relaxed back against him, content to cuddle him for a while longer, and a tiny bit afraid that she might wake him if she moved.
Kevin wouldn't have done that. He would have awoken her, insisting that she would sleep better in a bed but in reality, he was the one who found it difficult to sleep anywhere but his own bed.
She had been thinking of Kevin a lot lately but deep down, she knew that it wasn't Kevin that she missed, it was what he represented to her. Commitment. Someone who would always be there for her.
Of course, he had offered her commitment, marriage in fact, and she had said no. She hated having to hurt him but she knew he wasn't 'The One'.
Being with The One would feel a lot like being with Derek, effortless.
She hadn't had to tell Derek how to treat her, to school him on what was and was not acceptable behaviour towards a woman. Derek knew what her boundaries were and thought nothing of wrapping his arm around her while in public. She liked that intimacy, she was a sensual kind of person and needed to touch those that she loved. Kevin on the other hand, didn't like public displays of affection and at most, would hold her hand in public and occasionally, give her a peck on the lips.
Which is not to say that Penelope and Derek never argued, they did, and sometimes they hurt each other but they were always ready to forgive. They both understood that in stressful situations, harsh words could be spoken but were rarely meant.
Kevin held grudges.
It was supposed to be a female trait, to remember every slight and bring them up in future arguments but Penelope didn't know any women like that. That was what Kevin did however, and a disagreement about the pros and cons of newest version of Firefox, could soon turn into her defending comments made six months ago, that she couldn't even remember. It had been a tiring way to live.
He wasn't all bad, of course, far from it.
Unlike Derek, Kevin was someone who would be described as sweet. He went out of his way to bring her things that would make her smile; sometimes it was a flower, sometimes a new computer program. Then he would bounce on the balls of his feet as she opened what he had given her, eager to please her and see her smile, like a big kid on Christmas morning.
And that was the problem really, he was a big kid. As sweet, kind, loving and thoughtful as Kevin was, he wasn't her equal.
If only she could find someone like Derek, but who also shared her love of computing, that would he her ideal man. She could marry a man like that and not worry about labels. And that was assuming that he even wanted marriage, he might well feel like she did, content and secure in the relationship they had, without meaningless pieces of paper to prove some imaginary commitment. And marriage was just an imaginary commitment; the divorce rates proved that.
She felt Derek move below her and he raised a hand to rub at his eyes.
"Morning, Hot Stuff," she said, raising her head to look at him.
Unlike her, he didn't need to remember where he was, and smiled without opening his eyes.
"G'morning Princess. Sleep well?"
"Like a hibernating bear," she assured him.
Morgan finally raised his head and looked at her.
"A mamma bear," he added, thinking the analogy was fitting for someone who was so protective of her 'cubs'.
She went to get up, so he tightened the arm he had around her for a moment, before releasing her. He then sat forward and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Sore?" she asked, looking guilty.
"It's nothing," he assured her, heading to the kitchen. "You can take the bathroom first, there's a new toothbrush under the sink."
"Thanks," she said.
She looked in the bathroom mirror to see that she looked rather like a panda, her eyeliner and mascara having created black smudges around her eyes. With no makeup to repair her face, she hesitated, before opting to wash it clean. She liked to look her best around Derek (she has to try and keep up with his model-good-looks, after all) but sometimes she had to accept that she was fighting a losing battle.
Besides, if she had to do the walk of shame, at least only her clothes would look dishevelled.
Feeling better now that she had minty fresh breath and a quick wash, she went out to find Derek had brewed a pot of coffee and poured her a cup as she entered, adding just the right amount of sugar and milk before he presented it to her.
"All I can offer you is toast as I haven't had a chance to go shopping," he admitted. He rarely kept much fresh food in the house, as he never knew when he'd be jetting off somewhere, chasing an unsub. He tended to shop on his way home for his evening meal and the next day's breakfast but with the funeral yesterday, he hadn't found a chance.
"Oh, don't worry about it, I should be getting home anyway."
"You sure?" he asked looking concerned. "I was going to suggest we went out to breakfast."
"Oh no, I'm sure you have plans, I wouldn't want to intrude."
Derek laughed. "If I didn't want you around, you'd know it," he assured her.
"Okay, I'd like that, then."
"Great. I've got softball practice this afternoon, but you're welcome to come and cheer me on."
"Thanks, but I need to go home and change at some point."
"I thought we could swing by and collect some of your stuff after breakfast."
"Oh." Staying more than one night hadn't occurred to her, although it was tempting. "Thanks, Hot Stuff, but I can't keep imposing on you."
"Don't be silly. Besides, you know how crazy I get when we're on restricted duty; I need someone to keep me on the straight and narrow."
"And someone to bitch about the shrink to."
"That too," he agreed, with an easy smile, but it soon faded. "Besides, I like having you here. And I have a fast internet connection now, so you can't even complain that you can't play your games while here."
She remembered the last time she had stayed with him, and she had indeed been very vocal about how slow his connection speed was. The idea that he had upgraded it just in case she stayed again, made her feel smug.
"You did that for me?" she asked.
"Please," he scoffed. "I wouldn't know ADSL from LSD, what do I need with fast internet?"
That wasn't quite true, he was reasonably tech savvy (for a civilian) but his scoffing at the idea that he would have upgraded for anyone other than her, made her feel all warm and fuzzy.
"Then thank you, my chocolate god, I accept your offer."
He grinned. "I'll take a quick shower, then we'll go."
Penelope received some envious looks as she strolled into Pat's Diner with Derek and while that was nothing new, she didn't normally look as rumpled as she did today. They assumed, incorrectly, that she had slept with him. Well, technically, she supposed she had.
"What's that grin for?" Morgan asked her as the waitress left.
"She thinks we slept together," Penelope explained. "And she's jealous."
"What are you-"
Penelope gestured to herself. "Look at me; a scrubbed clean face, brushed out hair and rumpled clothes, she thinks I'm doing the walk of shame, Gorgeous."
Derek smiled. "And she's jealous of you?"
"Who wouldn't be, my Chocolate God of Thunder."
"Okay, that's it, no more Avengers' movies for you."
"You would deny me my eye candy?" she looked shocked but he knew she was only teasing.
"I'm all the eye candy you need, Baby Doll."
"Yeah, but you're a big old tease. I need me some eye candy that wants to do more than hold my hand."
"And Chris Hemsworth is that man?" he teased.
"I'd settle for Robert Downey Jr," she shrugged. "I'm not picky."
"Don't I know it," he said under his breath, although she heard.
"Oh, this from the man who's only criteria for dating is 'hot and leggy'?" There was a slight edge to her words but she did her best to sound teasing.
"So I'm shallow? Don't tell me this is news?"
"You aren't shallow and you know it," she chided him.
The waitress brought their coffee and this time she managed to catch Derek's eye. She was just his type, young, beautiful and with legs up to her neck.
Penelope focused on fixing her coffee so that she didn't have to look at his ogling.
"What can I getcha?" she asked, bestowing a dazzling smile on Derek.
"I'll have the big breakfast," he said. Not a very original title but it was fitting.
"Me too," Garcia added.
Derek saw the waitress, her name tag declared her to be Annie, give Garcia a disdainful look, but Penelope was too busy preparing her coffee to notice. Still, no one looked at his Baby Girl like that.
"You want a side of waffles with that, Beautiful?"
"Oh, no, I shouldn't."
"You know you love the waffles here," he said in his most seductive voice and he could see that she was tempted. "And they have grade A maple syrup."
"All right, fine, but you have to help me."
"Whatever you say, Sweetness." He was laying it on a little thick, but not so thickly that Penelope would notice anything out of the ordinary and if she did, she would just think that he was teasing the waitress. He turned to the server. "Did you get that?" he asked, slightly pointedly.
"Sure, one side of waffles. Be right back." Annie wasn't nearly so enthusiastic now.
"You shouldn't make her think we're dating," Garcia chided once the waitress was out of earshot.
"Why not?"
"One, because we're not and two, isn't she your type?"
He was getting a little tired of her quips that he was easy. "No, Garcia she's not."
"All right, no need to get snippy; I'm sorry."
"Thank you." It wasn't quite as gracious as he might like.
"Friends?" Penelope asked, raising her coffee cup.
It was such a 'Garcia' thing to do that he couldn't stay mad at her, and as he raised his cup to 'toast' her, he smiled.
"Friends," he agreed.
"So, who are you playing softball with later?"
"The FBI team, but who comes to the practices varies."
Garcia nodded. She was lucky that she had a desk job; many of the agents were called away at a moment's notice. Well, maybe a day's notice. The few times she had travelled with the team had been interesting, even fun at times, but she wouldn't like to work that way permanently; she was a homebody at heart.
"You don't have to come if you don't want to."
"What?" she looked up. "Oh, no, I was just daydreaming, that's all."
"About anything interesting?" he asked.
"I was thinking about all the travelling you guys do, actually. How hard it must be to maintain a normal life, like attending softball practices."
Morgan shrugged. "Be easier if I had someone at home, I suppose, to keep the cupboards stocked, but it has to be the right someone."
"Might be easier to get a housekeeper,"
Derek laughed. "That it might."
They chatted while they ate and when the waitress left the check on their table, Derek insisted on paying.
"You trying to be my sugar daddy?" Penelope teased, once he had won the argument.
"Sure, Baby Doll, just tell me where to apply." He slipped his sunglasses on and as she slid out of the booth, Morgan draped an arm around her shoulders, which wasn't unusual behaviour for them but as they went out of the door, Derek looked back at the waitress and lowered his glasses, giving her a pointed look.
He didn't know exactly why he had taken her distain so hard; Penelope hadn't even noticed and even if she had, she was self-confident enough to brush off such petty opinions.
To him, Penelope was beautiful. She thought that she wasn't his type but the truth was, he didn't have a type, not physically at least. Black, white, blonde, brunette, tall or short, the only thing that his women had in common was their confidence.
If only Garcia would realise that.
