Author's note: So this is my second Instant Star fic. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star.

I starred up at the ceiling as I laid in bed. Tommy and I had another fight. It was over something stupid, as always. I thought that once I turned eighteen things would be different between him and me. I pictured him sweeping me off my feet and taking me away somewhere. That never happened. And I'm turning nineteen in a month. I closed my eyes, and fell asleep.

"Jude...Jude wake up!" Sadie called from outside my door. I rolled out of bed and got ready.

The smell of waffles greeted me as I walked into the kitchen. "I love waffles," I said as I sat down. I served myself and began eating.

"Remember you have to go to G-major today at eleven, which is in fifteen minutes," mom said.

I shoved the rest down my throat and went to finish getting ready. Once I was dressed I left for G-major.

"Hey Jude," Jamie said once I arrived.

"Hey Jamie."

"Come on Andrews, I need to get some anger out," Patsy said, dragging Jamie away, who had a grin on his face.

I can't believe they're still together, I thought making my way to Tommy's studio. "Hey Quincy," I greeted him.

"Hey girl," he said not taking his eyes from the book he was writing in.

"What're you writing?"

"Nothing," he said stuffing the book in a drawer. "Let's get to work." I nodded and went into the sound room.

Once I finished Tommy pushed the intercom and said, "okay, let's take a break. I'll be right back." He got up and left.

My eyes wandered to the drawer he shoved the book in. I looked around me and saw no on was watching. I opened the drawer and pulled out the book. I began reading it. There are so many things I want to tell you. I want to hold you and never let go. You're the only one who truly gets me. I want to be with you more than anything but I can't.For all the things that I never told you. For all the wounds that are ever gonna scar you, never coming home. I'm sorry Jude, but I can't stay here. I want you but I can never have you. By the time you finish reading this I'll be gone. Tears came to my eyes and I ran out of the studio. "Tommy!" I called. I saw his viper through the window. I ran outside just in time to see him drive away.

I went back into G-major and sat on the sofa crying silently. "Hey girl, what's wrong?"

"Tommy! But you left!"

"Yeah, to give Kwest the keys to my viper so he could get it fixed," Tommy answered.

"Oh..." I said wipping tears away.

"Why were you crying?"

I instantly thought of how mad he was gonna be when I told him I read the book. "Well...you see...it's funny actually."

Tommy's face got serious and he went into his studio. He came back out with the book in his hand. "You read this?" he asked angrily. I nodded and prepared for impact. "You went through my stuff and read this! I can't believe you!"

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"How much did you read?"

"I only read the first page."

"Oh, you read that?" Tommy said smiling now. I nodded uncomfortably. "Kwest wrote that as a joke when he first gave me the book. Hence the My Chemical Romance reference.

"It was a joke?"

"Yeah," Tommy looked down and added, "maybe one day I'll let you read what I wrote."

I smiled and said "thanks Quincy."

He smiled back, "let's go back to work, drama queen."

"Okay, little Tommy Q," I said brushing past him into the studio.

Tommy smirked and said, "Don't make me sing Hey Jude." He closed the door and took his seat.

"Truce," I said holding my hand out.

"Truce," Tommy said taking it. I felt my heart beat faster when he held my hand. He smiled and let go.

"When did Kwest give you that book? And since when do you and Kwest like MCR?"

"He gave it to me three years ago, and I am allowed to listen to other types of music now and then. Why?"

"Just wondering...so, what song?"

"Let's see what ya got." I pulled out my song book and found a song. I showed him and he said, "It needs something..."He wrote down things and crossed other things out. "Check it." I rested my chin on his shoulder as I read it.

"Hate to admit it, but it's better." Tommy smirked. I went back into the sound room and sang it. When I was done Tommy clapped. I bowed and waved, producing fake tears.

"You're amazing," Tommy said once I got next to him.

"Thanks," I smiled. I loved it when he complemented me.

"It's getting late," he said glancing at the clock, "want to go with me for food?"

"But Kwest has your viper."

"Oh, so Jude Harrison can't be seen in anything else but my viper?" Tommy joked. I laughed and he added, "Kwest gave me his car keys, so yes or no?"

"Sure...wait is this a date?" I asked without thinking.

"We'll see." Tommy smirked and led me to Kwest's car. My leg was shaking in the car because I was nervous. "Are you cold?"

"Yes," I lied.

"Here," Tommy said handing me his jacket. I put it on and calmed down a bit. I took deep breaths to calm down even more. "We're here," Tommy said parking.

"Chinese food?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with it?"

"Nothing! It's my favorite."

"I know," Tommy said softly.

"What?" I asked not hearing him.

"Nothing, let's go in." Tommy took my hand and led me inside. The hostess seated us in the back away from everyone so we could have privacy. She gave us our menus and left. We ordered not long after.

Once we finished we got back in the car. "That was fun," Tommy said.

"Yeah,"

"Do you want to go home or do you want to go somewhere with me?"

"I'll tag along with you."

Tommy smiled, "I was hoping you would." He started the car and began driving. What's he planning...I thought as I looked at him.

After a few minutes he pulled into a cemetery.

"Uhh...Tommy, why are we here?"

"I wanna show you something." He looked at me and saw how nervous I was. "Don't worry, just trust me."

We got out of the car and he led me to a grave in the center of a hill. He went over to me and reached into his jacket pocket, which I was still wearing, and pulled out a single red rose. It was cut short so I couldn't feel it while it was in the jacket. He laid it on the grave. "It's my mom, she died in a car accident." Tommy said quietly.

"Tommy..."

"Don't say you're sorry. Everyone says they're sorry. I don't need pity Jude. It happened three years ago, that's why Kwest gave me that book." He paused and reached into the jacket again. "Take this home with you and read it. Read everything to the last page, okay?"

I nodded and took the book. His eyes held tears back and he looked back down at his mother's grave. I wanted to hold him, I wanted to take all his pain away. But I was to shocked by the fact that he had opened up to me so much. He took a deep breath and said, "Let's get you home."

We said our goodbyes once we got to my house. I went up to my room and realized I was still wearing Tommy's jacket. I put it on my bed and sat down. I quickly opened the book to the second page and began reading.

I don't know why Kwest gave me this. I'm capable of dealing with this without some emo kid journal. It's not like I was close with my mom. We never really talked. When I heard she had come to visit me I was shocked, then again she probably came for money. She wasn't a good person, so why should I care if she's dead?

I continued reading. The next ten entries were like this. Tommy ranting about everything, including me at times. Then I got to this one...

I can't believe my mom's gone. I thought I had more time with her. I wanted to thank her for everything. I wanted her to know I loved her. I hate this. I should've been able to stop this from happening.

After a few chapters of him blaming himself and me crying at how hurt he had been, I saw my name...it was the last entry.

Jude's amazing. I know my mom would've loved her. She understands me so well...but I've hurt her too many times. I've given her a taste of how I feel about her then taken it back. I've made her cry and broken her heart more times than I know. She's gonna be nineteen now. I've been waiting for her to be legal...but I don't think she'll accept me now. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't. I may love her but I hurt her too much. I can't expect her to return my love. Jude...you're probably reading this at some unseen hour of the night while everyone else sleeps. Just so you know, I'm sitting up in my bed watching some awful TV show dredding the fact that I gave this to you. I really do love you Jude. I just wanted you to know that.

I smiled while tears poured down my face. I grabbed my phone and dialed Tommy's number.

"Hey girl," he said fully awake.

"Met me at my house."

"Okay..." he said and hung up.

I was already outside when he got there. He got out of his car and began to walk up to me. I couldn't wait so I ran up to him and threw my arms around him. "I love you too Tommy," I said. Tommy smiled and kissed me. He held me closer and I knew it was going to work out this time.