Holding Onto a Thread-

A Shizuo x Izaya Fanfic

Chapter 1:

Broken Thread

The rain poured from the sky in hard, strong drops that day. The weatherman said the sun would shine that day. They never got it right. Of course, to him, it didn't matter. Not now.

He's gone..

He won't come back..

We're sorry, Shizuo-san..

I wish there was something I could do..

Their meaningless apologies floated through his mind every now and then when a large drop of water hit his head. What good did their words do? They couldn't bring him back. No one could bring him back.

You're more than welcome to come..

We understand if you can't handle it, though..

Shizuo Heiwajima looked down at the small group of black clothes and umbrellas from where he stood at a distance, leaning against an old tree on top of the cemetery's hill. The tree offered little shelter from the storm that raged both outside and inside of him as he looked solemnly at the little stone on the ground. Everyone insisted he come join the main group of mourners. He could see fine from where he was. He could see the stone with the name and dates of birth and death engraved on its rough surface. He could see the handful of people who'd actually bothered to show up for the funeral:

Two younger girls wearing matching black raincoats with fake animal ears. A woman around his age in a simple black business outfit standing under a black umbrella. Three kids-one girl with glasses and one young boy on either side of her-huddled together under a large umbrella. The tall black Russian man wearing only his uniform from the sushi restaurant, not bothering to protect himself from the rain at all. And a man he knew all too well dressed in a doctors coat and dragging a medical cooler behind him, both being kept dry by a black shield made of some strange energy projected by the woman next to him dressed in a black riding outfit and a black helmet instead of her usual yellow one.

It was kind of ironic and kind of sad. He always went on and on about how he loved humans. But, now that he was gone, these were the only humans who cared enough to say goodbye to him. Shizuo didn't count himself as one of them. He didn't come here to say goodbye. He came her because he couldn't. He couldn't say goodbye..

How..?

How could it all turn out this way?

How could it have all been going so well..only to end like that..?

He thought back to what seemed so long ago now. The last time he had seen him..

Shizuo woke up to blinding sunlight pouring in through the window next to him. With a grumble, he rolled onto his side so he could attempt to ignore the day for just a while longer. It was his day off for God's sake. He should be allowed to sleep in a little! He closed his eyes and tried going back to sleep…

*clack* *clack* *clack*

He shut his eyes harder, trying to ignore the sound..

*clack* *clack* *click* *click* *clack*

Okay..now that sound was getting obnoxious..

*clack* *clack* *click* *clack* *BREEP!* *clack*

He sighed. Damn it, it was way too early for this shit..

"DAMNIT, IZAYA-KUN! CANT YOU DO YOUR WORK SOMEWHERE ELSE?!" As Shizuo yelled these words he half-heartedly swung his fist at the source of the noise. His fist connected with sheets and pillows as his target moved just enough to avoid being hit. Shizuo raised his head up to glare at his missed target. It really was too early for this..

"Well, a good morning to you too, Shizu-chan." The cheerful-and way too awake for this time of day-voice of one Izaya Orihara replied.

Shizuo glared at him as he sat up a little, making the sheets shift and fall off of him as he leaned against the pillows and headboard. Shizuo stretched out his naked body, kicking the sheets off the rest of the way. He looked at Izaya-who was also naked-sitting next to him on the bed with a sheet over his lap to protect his bare legs from his laptops cooling vents.

Waking up like this had become pretty routine for him: Shizuo would wake up, naked, next to an equally naked Izaya who would almost always be wide awake and working on his laptop already. Shizuo would complain about being woken up by the sounds of the infernal computer. Izaya would retort that it wasn't that loud. Shizuo would try to punch him (actually succeeding sometimes, but sometimes getting cut with a knife instead). The two would lay around in bed for a while, Izaya working and Shizuo trying to accept the fact he was actually awake. Inevitably they'd get hungry and have a sort of stand-off to see who would break down and get up first to go cook breakfast. Shizuo preferred it when Izaya cooked because he usually made pancakes or waffles or something nice like that and he could lay around a while longer. Izaya always complained when Shizuo made breakfast because he was too lazy in the mornings and usually only made eggs (sometimes with bits of shell in them) or pulled out some cereal. During breakfast they would eat pretty quietly, occasionally informing each other about any plans for the day and the occasional question of what to do for dinner that night. After they finished eating Izaya would do the dishes (he preferred his house to stay clean) while Shizuo took a quick shower and got dressed. By the time Shizuo was done in the shower Izaya would already be dressed and flopped face down on the bed with his feet kicking in the air. Shizuo would sit on the bed and put his socks and sunglasses on, talking with Izaya for a while before it was time to go to work. Sometimes, for fun, he'd sit on Izaya when he wasn't paying attention, or pinch his ass, or grab him in a leg-lock; really, anything just to mess with the informant and piss him off a little. After they were done talking (or trying to kill each other, depending on the day) Shizuo would go meet Tom for work and Izaya would stay at home, saying he had some work to do in his office before heading out.

This routine had become fairly comfortable to Shizuo over time. Although, to be honest, it didn't mean his relationship with Izaya was exactly "normal" or "stable" or any of those pleasant, safe words people use to describe a relationship where two people have been together for practically two years and currently live together. They were far from being sweet and romantic like Shinra and Celty. They would often joke that if they ever acted like those two they'd go ahead and kill each other- they would rather die than be so sweet and friendly. Their relationship was about as far from sweet or normal as you could get. When one of them got mad windows or walls would break and furniture would be thrown. When they had sex they'd both walk away with bite marks, cuts, bruises, and sore limbs. When they-on the rare occasions-went on dates there would be trails of unconscious people and broken streets. This relationship wasn't safe, normal, sweet, friendly, romantic, or anything that seemed nice like that. People trembled in fear at the image of the two breaking up, often saying Ikebukuro would be wiped off the map during the inevitable fight.

Despite all the negativity, doubt, violence, and destruction people associated with Shizuo and Izayas relationship it somehow worked for them. They'd never admit they were happy together (not even to each other) and would only ever say that, for some reason, they were..comfortable. That was all they could really think to say. What more was there TO say? They were content and comfortable with their relationship. They liked waking up together. They liked eating together. They liked arguing about what to eat, where to go for a date, what to watch on TV, etc. They DEFINITELY liked the rough, no-holding-back sex. They even liked it when they fought (even though Shizuo so often denied it due to his hatred for violence). Truth be told, they both enjoyed their relationship the way it was. It wasn't a relationship normal humans would have, but they weren't normal humans. Izaya would even go as far as to say their relationship worked because they weren't human: they were monsters. Whatever the reason, Shizuo was happy with this relationship and routine he'd gotten used to.

He briefly thought about all of these things as he put his socks on and reached for his sunglasses. Izaya was lying underneath him (Shizuo felt like sitting on him today), occasionally squirming or struggling before he eventually stopped with a sigh of defeat (for now). "Ne, Shizu-chan.."

Shizuo put his sunglasses on, glancing down at Izaya using his peripheral vision. "What is it, Flea?"

Izaya laid his head to the side so he was looking at the headboard. "What do you like about me?"

Shizuo leaned his head back lazily. "Who said I actually like you?"

Izaya chuckled and wiggled his feet. "True, true..I don't suppose you'd admit you loved me either, huh?"

Shizuo coughed into his hand, hoping to pass it off as a sarcastic gagging noise and hide the slight tint on his cheeks. "Are you high or something?" Seriously, what was up with Izaya? Asking these sort of questions so early in the day..

Izaya tilted his head enough so Shizuo could see him smirking. "No, I haven't gotten into your stash yet. And you didn't answer me."

Shizuo looked away, mumbling as he spoke. "Shut up, Flea..like I'd ever admit to something like that.."

Izaya smirked more, eyes gleaming like he knew something. "Ne, Shizu-chan..you're a bad liar..3"

Shizuo punched Izaya in the arm without looking at him, making the trapped informant wince a little but his smirk didn't falter. "I said shut up damn it.." These questions were making him uncomfortable. He had never been good with words. He preferred actions to words any day. Besides, he wasn't ready to admit he loved Izaya just yet..that could wait until his little surprise was ready..

"Shizu-chan.." Shizuo glanced back down at Izaya to see he had adjusted his head- his chin now resting on the bed so his head was straight up and he was looking at the wall in front of him. His tone of voice had changed as well. He sounded almost serious. Almost. "…What would you do if..I died..?"

Shizuo blinked behind his sunglasses but didn't let the slight surprise and curiosity show on his face. "Depends. Did I kill you?"

"No, it was some sort of accident neither of us had any control over.." His voice sounded odd when he was like this.

"Hm.." Shizuo looked up at the ceiling in thought. What WOULD he do? "If you died..I'd probably stay away from your funeral, throw a cigarette on your grave..then go down to hell and kill you again for dying like that.."

Izayas body trembled slightly under Shizuo before he threw his head back in an almost hysterical fit of laughter. This made Shizuo jump slightly and stare down at the (more than likely psychotic) man under him. After a minute or so of laughter Izaya calmed down and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Ah, Shizu-chan..I knew you were going to say something like that 3"

Shizuo sighed in annoyance and smacked the back of Izayas head. "Why were you asking anyway? You planning to die or something?"

Izaya shook his head and looked back at Shizuo with a grin. "No, Shizu-chan would miss me too much 3" Izaya dodged another blow to the head and smiled more. "I was just curious. Especially since I won't be in town today."

Shizuo tilted his head slightly. "Oh yeah? Where are you going?"

He decided it was about time to go to work so Shizuo stood up while he listened. Izaya gladly took this opportunity to roll onto his back and sit up, looking at Shizuo more clearly now. "I have to go to Hokkaido today for something I can't tell you about." That last part was an answer Shizuo had become accustomed to regarding Izayas job. "Namie booked me a round-trip ticket and it's not too far away. The plane should be back here before dinner tonight."

Shizuo nodded to show he was listening as he readied a cigarette for when he got outside- Izaya always cut his cigarettes in half if he smoked in the house because he hated the mess they made. "Oh..So, you're asking because you're scared of flying or something?" He knew that wasn't true, but he wanted to mess with him one more time before he left.

Izaya chuckled a bit and shook his head. "No, I've been on planes several times..but, they do have a bad reputation for crashing." He stood up and stretched, his movements a bit exaggerated. "Well, I'll see you tonight, Shizu-chan." He smirked as he gave Shizuo a quick hug and a peck on the lips before running out of the bedroom to his office.

Shizuo was left to blink in confusion before he saw the clock and realized what time it was. He left the house and walked quickly to meet Tom. He'd ask Izaya about his odd behavior later..

It was horribly cliché and almost sappy to admit but..later never came. The plane Izaya was on crashed on its way back to Ikebukuro. It wasn't even an hour away. It wasn't fair…

"Shizuo? Shizuooo?"

He blinked, snapping back to reality. He looked down at the cigarette that had been between his lips-now nothing but a butt and a lot of ash-and spit it on the ground before stomping on it with his foot. When he looked back up he noticed Shinra and Celty standing in front of him, the look on Shinras face told him he'd been calling Shizuos name for a while now. He peered above their heads and noticed everyone else was already gone. He shook his head and sighed. "Sorry..were you saying something?"

Shinra nodded, looking slightly concerned. "Yeah. I was asking if you were okay. You've been standing here for a while. Everyone else already left."

Celty pulled out her cellphone and quickly typed a message on it before showing the screen to Shizuo. "You were really spaced out. Shinra called your name at least 5 times." She turned the phone back around and typed again before showing the screen to Shizuo once more. "Are you going to be okay? It's never easy when you lose someone you care about…"

Shizuo took a minute to just look at the screen before casually pulling out a new cigarette, cupping his hands around the end so he could light it. "I don't know why you're asking me.." He brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled, blowing out a slow stream of smoke before looking up at the sky. "I didn't like that damn flea…"

Shinra frowned slightly and folded his arms. "You know, you don't have to say that around us. We all knew you two were together."

Shizuo shot him a look that made Shinra jump slightly and hide behind Celty nervously. "So?"

Celty quickly typed on her phone and showed the screen to Shizuo again. "So, if you ever need to talk about I-" She quickly turned the phone back around and altered the text before showing Shizuo again. "about anything, I'll be available." Shizuo nodded and only glanced back once Celty finished typing another message. "Take care of yourself, Shizuo. I'll see you around." She bowed a little and led Shinra away.

Shinra waved to Shizuo as he followed Celty. "See you, Shizuo!"

Shizuo nodded and took another drag from his cigarette as he watched them leave. His eyes landed on the large, four-wheeled medical cooler dragging in the mud behind Shinra. He had to stop himself from shuddering. Apparently Izaya and Shinra had some sort of arrangement that Shinra could take Izayas heart, lungs, liver, brain, etc., for medical study if Izaya died before him. That fact wasn't what bothered Shizuo. What bothered him was that Shinra had harvested the organs before Izaya was buried. That, and the fact that Shinra was walking around the funeral, dragging the cooler with him like it was perfectly natural to bring the dead person's organs to their own funeral. It was sickening to think that parts of Izaya were still in that cooler...

He watched as Shinra loaded the cooler into his car. Celty waited patiently beside him on her black motorcycle. They had decided to come in separate vehicles so Shinra could bring his tools and cooler easier. Shizuo watched them drive off together once Shinra had everything secured.

Now he was completely alone.

He made his way down to the small tombstone, the mud trying to swallow his shoes. He stopped about a foot away from the tombstone and looked down at it and, for a minute, he felt..nothing. He didn't feel sad that the person he lived with was gone. He didn't feel happy that the man who he wanted to kill for so many years was finally dead. He didn't feel rage that Izaya died and he wasn't the cause. He simply felt nothing.

Shizuo finished his cigarette and sighed. He may as well follow through with what he said. He carelessly flicked what was left of his cigarette onto the grave, stomped on it, and walked away.

"Now to figure out a way into hell…"