Title: NEVER COULD SAY GOOD-BYE
Author: Brokeback Mountain
Pairing: Jack and Ennis
Rating: NC-17
Warning: None
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx; not me.
Summary: Ennis inherits a ranch and asks Jack for help running it.
NEVER COULD SAY GOOD-BYE
Life had become pretty much routine for Ennis. He worked out at
Cole's ranch, came home had a few drinks, showered and fell into bed
with whiskey and cigarettes on his breath and visions of blue eyes
when he closed his eyes each night. The people he worked for were
good folks. In their seventies, he'd guess, sweet old couple. The
man never asked him to do anything he wouldn't do right along side
him and the woman, frail and small as she was, never missed putting a
meal out for them for lunch and supper.
In the summer there was always plenty of Mrs. Cole's
sweet tea or lemonade; that woman cold bake and cook food like
nothing he had ever tasted before. They never shorted him on wages
and always understood when he had to take some days off coupla times
a year. Never questioned him and always treated him with kindness
and respect. He often thought they looked on his as a replacement,
sorta, for the two sons they had lost in the war in Viet Nam. The boys
pictures were displayed proudly in the home in their shiny bright
uniforms. Army boys, both lost within days of each other but that
was long ago, in a country he had never heard of. It came to him
sometimes when the old man would call him 'son'. He felt a goodness
about these people and did his best for them.
It was late March and one more snowstorm covered the ground with a
thick white blanket. There'd be no work to be done today but he
decided to drive the thirty three miles out to the ranch just to
check up on them. The old man had been fighting a bad cold and he
wanted to make sure he was all right and that enough fire wood had
been brought in so they wouldn't have to be going outside in the
weather to get it.
It was snowing even heavier at the ranch and he stepped out into knee-
deep drifts as he made his way to the door. Mrs. Cole answered the
door and brought him in to where her husband sat bundled up by the
fire.
"How's he doing?" he asked her.
"I just don't know Ennis. He's runnin temperature again and cough's
gettin worse. He needs to see the Doctor but I can't get him to
budge." She wrung her hands. "See if you can talk some sense to
him. He won't listen to me."
Ennis laid his hat on the side table and went to the old man.
"Hey. How you doin?" he knelt down by the chair so he could talk to
him eye level.
"Fine. I'm fine. The old woman call you?" He tried not to cough,
but it took him anyway.
"Nah. Just thought I'd come by and offer you a ride into town, maybe
see the Doc?" Ennis sized him up and agreed with his wife. He was
getting worse. He was shivering, holding the blanket close around
him but there was perspiration on his forehead and his eyes were
glassy.
"Don't wanna. Heater in my truck don't work much good and the fire's
too nice. Don't wanna leave."
"I got my truck outside and the heater works really good. Had to
turn it down some on the way over here, got too warm. C'mon. Let's
take a ride." He nodded to the woman and she hurried and got their
coats.
Ennis helped the old man on with his, listening to him grumble all
the way, but he didn't really protest all that much.
"I'll just go out and start the engine and get that heater goin.
I'll be right back."
The old man was too weak to wade through the drifts so Ennis wrapped
a blanket around him, picked him up and carried him out to the warmed
up truck; then came back and did the same for Mrs. Cole.
"Land sakes! I can walk!" she protested.
"You don't weigh more than a sack of grain and there ain't no use you
gettin all covered with snow. You don't want to get sick too do
you?" He teased her.
The next few hours were a blur of activity. Doc Johnson took one
look at Mr. Cole and had them take him straight to the hospital. It
was double pneumonia and it didn't look good. He stayed with Mrs.
Cole and helped her make the phone calls; first to her sister in
Cheyenne and then to her friends from the church. Soon the word
spread the the halls of the small hospital was buzzing with concerned
friends and relatives. Ennis hung around waiting with the others.
It was just past mid-night when they got the word that he had
passed. The preacher was with Mrs. Cole so Ennis just gave her a
kiss on the cheek and left.
He was gonna miss the old man. He was almost like a father to him.
Always sharing memories of his childhood, talking about hunting and
fishing with him; even sharing a dirty joke or two now and then,
quietly, far out of reach of Mrs. Cole's ears. He was a good man;
better than most he had ever met.
Ennis got drunk that night and with each refill of the glass, he'd
say "Here's to you, Cole" and with the last drink a little prayer,
"May the gates of heaven open and welcome you home." A
little prayer he had heard his Momma say at some funeral they had
gone to many years ago.
The funeral was a somber thing as all funerals are. The snow had all
but melted leaving only patches of white here and there. It was a
gloomy day but the sun did manage to shine through as they were all
driving back out to the ranch to say their final good byes.
Ennis, hat in hand, edged himself around the room of people looking
for Mrs. Cole. He wanted to give her one last hug and assure her he
would be back at work the next morning and would look after the place
for her until things were settled.
Someone took his arm, "Excuse me, Mr. Del Mar. Could you come in
here please?" he recognized one of the relatives from Cheyenne. He
followed him into the parlor where Mrs. Cole sat on the sofa with her
sister's arm around her. A few other relatives and a few people he
recognized from town.
"Ah good, Mr. Del Mar," The man sitting behind Mr. Cole's desk
stood and reached his hand out in greeting. Ennis took it but didn't
like seeing someone else sitting in the old man's place.
"My name is Harvey Woodruff and I'm the attorney for the Coles. We
wanted you here to hear the reading of the will. It's a formality
really as most everyone here already knows what's in it, except you,
Mr. Del Mar. Mr. Cole left his entire estate, which was considerable
with holdings in both Casper and Cheyenne; to his wife; with the
exception of this ranch which he has left to you."
"To...to me? Now why'd he do a thing like that? With all these
relatives here to leave it to?" Ennis couldn't believe it.
"We don't want it." was all agreed on and heard around the room. "He
wanted you to have it, Ennis." Mrs. Cole was speaking.
"We had it all set up 'bout five years ago. We knew if either one of
us went, the other wasn't gonna stay 'round and you loved this place
as much as we did. You got nearly 8 years now of your blood and sweat
in it and it should be yours."
"But...couldn't you sell it or somethin? Give the money to the
nieces and nephews? It belongs to them."
"Ain't much market now a days for a place out this far. And they
already got plenty for college and a good start in life. The place
is yours Ennis, if you'll have it. I know it'd make him happy
knowin it was still bein looked after properly."
He stood there running his hat round and round in his hands. "You
sure about this?"
She stood up and came to him then; took him in her thin arms. "Sure
as I can be, son." she whispered against his chest.
"Well..." he choked up a little. "I'll sure do my best to look after
the place then. And if you ever change your mind...Just let me
know." He promised her.
"I have a few papers for you to sign. Here...and here." The attorney
handed the pen to Ennis and he signed on the dotted lines. Didn't read
a thing, couldn't if he wanted to, tears half blinding his eyes. He
said his good-byes then and went home.
His mind was blank, the entire drive. Nothing there. He was empty.
He couldn't think. Wouldn't let himself think. He just drove home;
parked the truck and went inside. He took down the whiskey bottle
and poured himself a drink. He sat there, drink in hand, never
touching his lips. He stared out the window. A place of his own!
He had a place of his own. He hadn't had a real home since he was a
kid and that wasn't his. It was his Pa's and he was made to know that
in no uncertain terms. But now he had a home. Not just a home but
a ranch. 356 acres, 84 head of cattle, a nice little three bedroom
house. His. The very thought of it froze him. Excited him,
terrified him. His; to make a go of or not. His to do with what he
wanted.
He stood from the table, picked up his hat and jacket and left.
Drove directly to the Greyhound Bus Station and went in.
"Where to, Sir?" the girl behind the counter asked him.
"Childress, Texas. How long before the next bus leaves?"
She checked her computer and came back with, "About 45 minutes, Sir.
It's a 22 hour trip, with three layovers, but it should get you there
by about 5:20 tomorrow afternoon."
The wait went fast and before long he was in his seat on the big bus
heading south. It was a long, slow, tedious drive. He slept when he
could, ate when they stopped and said a silent prayer all the way
that Jack would still be his when he got there. It was something he
always worried about. He knew he wasn't giving Jack enough of
himself and that he was asking too much in return. He had always
known that and it was an amazement to him that Jack kept
coming back. So this time he was going to him. It was something he
owed him. Jack had made that trip so many times and never complained
about it. Not once. This was the least he could do for him. He
only hoped that Jack still wanted that dream. That cow and calf
operation that he used to talk about.
At one rest-stop, sitting at the counter eating a sandwich, Ennis stared
at the pay phone and thought of calling Jack; then thought better of
it. No. Better this way. Just show up. See his face. His mind
raced with these thoughts tumbling over one another. He was asleep
when they pulled up in Childress. The driver nudged his
shoulder. "Time to wake up, Mister. We're here."
"Huh?..." He roused, rubbing his eyes.
"Your ticket says Childress and this is Childress." He tucked the
ticket back in Ennis pocket.
"Yeah. Thanks." He stood and noticed the empty bus. He was the
last to get off. He went directly to the nearest pay phone and
looked up Newsome Farm Equipment in the ragged book. The address
said Fourth street and the bus station was on First so he decided to
walk. It was a beautiful day for March. Not as near cold as it was up in
Wyoming. He waked the few blocks and soon saw the big sign "Newsome
Farm Equipment". He crossed the street and entered the building.
The clock at the receptionist's desk said 5:32.
"Jack Twist?" he asked her.
"He's out right now but I expect him back any minute. Would you like
to wait in his office for him?" She smiled sweetly.
"Yes, please." he answered and followed her down the hall to a small
office at the end.
"He won't be long, I'm sure," she left him to himself.
He wandered around the room, looking at pictures on the wall, awards
of appreciation with Jack's name on them. "Salesman of the Year"
several of them proclaimed. On the corner of the desk sat a framed photo
of Jack, Lureen and a smiling baby boy of about 3. He picked it up
and took a good look at it. So this was Lureen? She sure is a
pretty thing, he thought. Boy was good looking, like his dad. And
Jack? Well, his mouth was smiling but his eyes weren't. He could
tell. He sat the photo down and stood looking out the window at the
empty parking lot when he first heard his voice.
"Thank you, Charlene. Go ahead and go, I'll lock up." Jack's voice
grew louder as his steps neared the open door.
Ennis turned around just as Jack walked in. They stood and stared at
each other for an instant then Jack flung his hat on the desk and
grabbed him. "Shit, Ennis! What're you doing here? How'd you get
here? You don't travel! You didn't fly, did you? What're you doing
here? How long can you stay? Is something wrong? Everything OK?"
Ennis pulled back from the embrace laughing. "Now which one of them
questions you want answered? It'll take all night if I have to
answer them all."
"Oh hell. I don't care. C'mere" he kissed him again and
again. "God, it's so good to see you," another kiss, "I miss you so
much," another kiss, "You can stay, can't you; at least a few days?"
another kiss.
"Now hold on. Don't go gettin me all riled. I come to ask you
somethin. Just let go of me a minute and let me get on with it,
OK?" He pulled free and took a few steps back.
Jack stood waiting, tongue at the corner of his mouth. "Say your
piece." he said nervously.
"I got a place. I come to offer you a job if you're interested." He
took another step back, turned half ways toward the window but
couldn't turn away completely. He had to see the expression on
Jack's face; he'd know the truth if he could just see his face.
"You got a place?" Jack asked.
"Uh huh, the Cole place, where I been workin. The old man died and
left it to me; 356 acres, some cows, a house. Too big for me to run
myself, thought you might like the job." His eyes glued to Jack's.
He had to see his reaction.
Jack stared at him. The thought that this must be a dream kept
hammering at him. He said nothing.
"I know it's been a while since you said anythin about a place of our
own; and I know I always shut you down when you did but it's a
reality now. I got the place."
Jack just stared at him.
"Of course, I'll understand if you...have other arrangements to
consider. Wyoming ain't nothin like Texas and workin with me won't
bring you none of these awards." he nodded towards the wall. "But if
you're still interested...I mean, if you still want to..."
Jack stood, hands on hips, shaking his head. "You son of a bitch!
You son of a bitch! I been begging you all these years and you have
to ASK?" He crossed the distance between them in one step and grabbed
him. They kissed and hugged and pounded each other on the shoulders
and backs. "When? How? Can we go now? Tell me you didn't drive up
here in that old truck of yours? When do you get the place?"
"We gonna do the question thing again or do you wanna go?" Ennis
dangled the keys to the ranch in his face.
"Go. Now. Wait. Not yet." He grabbed Ennis hand and pulled him
around behind the desk. He sat in the chair and motioned for Ennis
to sit on the desk in front of him. "First I got a little fantasy I
need to take care of. I used to sit here for hours on end thinking
on what I'd like to do if you was sitting there like that." He
reached up and unbuckled Ennis's belt, undid the zipper.
"I think I'm gonna like this." Ennis smiled down at him.
"Oh you will, I promise!"
He reached his hand in and pulled the half-hard cock free. Took it
in his mouth and began sucking. "Oh, God! You don't know how much I
miss this!" he said and went back to the sucking.
"Well, have at it then, Bud. oohhh You better go easy there or
it'll be all over with." He petted the dark brown wavy hair.
"Don't you dare come yet!" Jack pulled off and stood, undoing his
pants. He pulled a small packet of K-Y out of his wallet and handed
it to Ennis. "I want it here; right now. Here in this office where
I spent so many hours thinkin 'bout it."
"Think I can handle that." He said taking the packet and lubing
himself up.
Jack ran and locked the office door and closed the blinds then returned
to the desk, dropped his jeans to his knees and bent over the desk.
"You are ready, aren't you!" Ennis grinned.
He moved up behind him then and pressed his well-lubed cock up
against Jack's opening. It slid in easily like it knew it was where it belonged.
They both groaned. Ennis with the sheer relief that Jack was still
his and lost to his warmth; and Jack pushing back against him, afraid
this was all a dream and he didn't want to wake too early this time.
Ennis held on to his hips and made slow even thrusts. Jack held on
the desk and moaned his pleasure with each stroke.
A grinding circular motion with Ennis's hips caught that magic spot
and Jack screamed. "Ooohhh YES! There! Hard!"
Ennis slipped his left arm around Jack's waist holding him tight
against him; the right hand gripped Jack's cock. He felt his guts
tightening up and said, "Ready, Bud?"
"Don't stop...Just don't stop...pllllleeeeaaasseee." Jack gasped and
came. Ennis felt the anus muscles squeeze tighter with Jack's release and
that was all it took. He emptied himself into the heat.
They cleaned up quickly and made preparations to leave. "You got any
good-byes need sayin before we leave?" Ennis asked.
Jack thought about it a minute then said, "Yeah; one." He sat back
down at his desk and dialed.
"I can wait outside?" Ennis offfered.
"No. I want you here." Jack reached for his hand. Ennis took it and
sat on the corner of Jack's desk.
"Hi, Yeah, it's me." pause "Things are happenin here and I'm
Leavin; thought you should hear it from me." pause "Yeah, it's
like that." pause "Naw. I won't be coming back." pause "I
appreciate that, Randall. My best to you too. Good-bye."
He stood to leave.
"This Randall, he someone I need to beat the shit out of?" He looked
Jack in the eye.
"No. Randall's a good guy. We only been together 3 or 4 times. I
let him know from the git-go that it was just gonna be sex and nothin
else. He understood and he never done me wrong."
It was the truth. Ennis could see it in his eyes.
"Ok then. Let's get on the road. You still got that fancy truck of
yours? Cause I took the bus here. No way I'd make that trip in my
truck."
They walked out the door.
"Sure do. OK with you if we stop by the house and I pick up a few
things?" They climbed into the truck.
"OK with me. How about Lureen?" he asked.
"Well now, that's the nice part of all this, your timing. Lureen is
visitin some friends in Lubbock this week and Bobby is on Padre
Island for spring break. We'll have the place to ourselves." He
grinned and reached over and grabbed his hand, still unable to
believe this was happening. He held on to him until they pulled up in
the drive at the house.
"Whew! This is some place?" Ennis climbed out, admiring the old
stone structure.
"Yeah, it's nice. Belonged to Lureen's Grandma. She left it to her
a few years ago when she passed. The only one of Lureen's relatives
that actually liked me." He finished with a chuckle as he opened the
door and led the way in. Up the stairs to the bedroom and he was
pulling a bag out of the closet and stuffing clothes in it.
"Well, she had good taste in men then." Ennis offered, looking
around at the fancy furnishings. Must be Lureen's taste. He
couldn't see Jack being comfortable with all the flowered ruffles and
stuff.
"She sure enough did!" Jack grinned back heading for the en suite
bathroom and gathering things up. "She liked me enough to leave me a
nice pile of cash as well."
"You're kiddin."
"Nope. She left me a hundred grand! Right in the will. Said I
should go out and have a good time with it. Burned old L.D.'s ass
somethin awful. She didn't leave him a dime; hated his guts. Said
something in the will about it bein in memory of a blue-eyed rodeoer
she knew once upon a time. Guess she must have been somethin in her
day."
"Guess so if she liked rodeoers." Ennis grinned at him.
"Here." Jack tossed his bag at him. "Just one more minute." He
pulled a briefcase down off the top shelf and opened it.
It was full of cash.
"Jesus H. Christ! Where'd you get all that?" Ennis asked. He'd never
seen that much cash before in his whole life.
"I told you, I been savin. I get bonuses each year and I make good
commissions. Lureen has this trust fund her grandma left her and
it's been payin all the bills. I don't never even see them." He
pulled his wallet out and dumped the credit cards on the
dresser. "Won't be needin these no more." He closed the case and
headed for the door. "I always thought that one day you would get
tired of me askin and you'd agree just to shut me up. Thought it'd
be best to have the cash on hand so we cold just take off."
They made their way out to the truck, threw the bag in back,
briefcase behind the seat and they took off.
They drove for a couple of hours then stopped for the night at a
Ramada Inn. Had dinner at a nearby Denny's and called it a night.
They made love, long and slow, savoring each touch, each kiss to its
fullest. They slept wrapped around each other, if anyone were to
look it would be difficult to tell where one left off and the other
began.
The morning light brought a difficult decision. Should he
call Lureen or just write her a letter? He decided on the call. It
was a short conversation. Lureen wasn't all that shocked. She had
suspected for some time that his fishing buddy was more than just a
buddy. Never said nothing though. She was not the type to rock the
boat. She said she always knew that she was not the great love of
his life and that one day their marriage would end. She said she
hoped they could still be friends and as far as her family or their
friends were concerned, the details were none of their business. She
would simply tell them that the marriage had ended and that he was
going to Wyoming to spend what remaining time they had left with his
parents. As far as Bobby was concerned, he was nearly grown now and
Jack could tell him what details he wanted him to know when he felt
the time was right.
He was greatly relieved when that was over with. They went for
breakfast and were on their way north.
"I can't believe you made this trip all those times and never once
complained about it." Ennis said.
"I'd have driven twice as far for half the time just to be with you."
Jack said and Ennis knew it was true. The knowing of it choked him
up and he was unable to speak for a while.
"Anyone else back there in Childress, need takin care of before we
get too far down the road? I notice you're drivin awful fast."
"Nah. Randall was the only one I been with more than once. I really
didn't do it all that much, Friend." He smiled over at him.
"Mostly it was a bottle of Old Rose and my good right hand."
"Mostly? How about when it wasn't 'mostly'?"
"Well, you know I been to Mexico. I told you that. It was just once
and I didn't go back. There were other one-night-stands from time to
time but not all that often. Mostly when I'd take a trip, Tulsa,
Oklahoma City, Dallas. Nothin but slam-bam-thank you-ma'am type
things." He looked over at him. "You sore?"
"Nah, not really. Mostly guys, or gals too?" Ennis was too happy
to let things from the past bother him any more.
"Guys or gals. Didn't matter which. One time it was both."
"Both??? Now that's downright sick, Jack. Didn't know you was into
those threesomes." He shook his head.
"That ain't the way it was. It was Tulsa, I think. Can't remember.
I met this beautiful woman and I mean she was beautiful. Long blond
hair, brown eyes and tits out to here, half of 'em hangin out. You
shoulda seen her. My mouth started waterin soon as she walked up to
me. We had us a few drinks, danced a few dances and went outside to
my truck. We started making out and she said she wanted it but could
I do her backwards. I said sure and we got started and when I tried
to reach 'round front to touch her, she pushed my hand away. She started
cryin and stuff and blubbering 'bout some operation and all and I
grabbed at her real quick like and she's got a package!"
"Whhhaaatt?" He wasn't sure he had heard what he heard.
"I tell you, she had a package bigger than me!. She starts whining
about really bein a woman and all but not until she has the
operation. I tell you I 'bout fell over in a faint. I kept lookin
at her real close and she was really beautiful and those tits was the
real thing and so was that dick and balls!"
"Well, what the hell did you do?"
"What do you think I did? I gave her the best blow job she ever had
or ever will have; maybe gave her pause to think twice about gettin
it chopped off; then I fucked her into next week and told her good
bye."
Ennis laughed "You're shittin me; ain't no way that happened!"
"I swear to God it did, Ennis. She was a heck of a lay too. Or he
was."
Ennis laughed and thought about it a while, then said, "You know. In
all our years together, we never did say good-bye. Not once. We'd
say 'See ya 'round' and 'see ya in August' stuff like that, but we
never did say good-bye."
"I never could say it." Jack said, voice cracking with emotion. "I
never not one time felt like we should be sayin it. So I didn't"
"Yeah, I know, Bud, me too." He reached for Jack's hand and held it
in both of his. "Other things we never said neither."
Jack pulled the truck over to the side of the road at a rest
stop. "We shoulda said a lot of things we didn't."
"Uh huh." Ennis agreed and added, "My fault. I'm not much good
talkin. Guess you know that by now."
"I know that, Ennis but I think it's time you admitted that you love
me." . He said it; the 'L' word.
"I do huh?" He grinned out from under his hat brim.
"Yes. You do. And I Iove you too, but then, you always knew that,
didn't you?"
"Nope. Sure didn't. Thought 'bout it some and wondered if maybe
that word didn't fit us..."
"It does. And now that I've said it, I'm gonna keep sayin it. That
OK with you?"
"I can live with that." Ennis shook his head.
"Anything else?" Jack asked.
"Yeah. Can you shave that thing off?" he pointed to Jack's moustache.
"You don't like it?"
"Hell no! It tickles in all the wrong places at all the wrong
Times," he reached over and gave it a yank.
"You want me to do it now or can it wait until we get home?"
"We can wait till we get home." Ennis agreed.
Jack drove back out into traffic and continued on their way.
"Anything else?" he asked.
"I was thinkin. Why you suppose we never said good-bye all those
times?"
"Don't know." Jack answered. "Don't really care either cause there
ain't never gonna be a reason to say it again, is there?"
"For sure, there ain't!" Ennis agreed and they drove on in silence
for a while.
"I love you Jack."
"I know."
The End
