To Care for You
I don't own these characters they belong to Hollyoaks.
This is the sequel to "I Will Take Care of You" and is set as Brendan and Ste get used to their new lives after the accident. This was a really difficult chapter to write as I wasn't sure how to start off so I hope its ok; please review and suggestions for future chapters are welcome :)
To Care for You
Where do you start really? In this tale anything could happen, nothing is certain in the world and no one knows this better than Brendan Brady and his partner Steven Hay. I don't know how they got here but they did, they were together, finally! It wasn't quite perfect but it wasn't as big of a disaster as before – it seem to, well… work! I know what you're thinking "Brendan and Ste – work?" But believe me I wouldn't lie to you!
Brendan had been home for three weeks now and both men were still trying to get used to the adaptions they needed to make in order for this relationship to succeed. Trust was always an issue between them but it had changed slightly now that Brendan needed Ste far more. It was taking some getting used to, their new way of life; Brendan still liked to be in control but he was learning that it was tiring trying to maintain a front all the time and was letting Ste have more power over their shared life.
"Oh Shit!" A loud crash came from the kitchen.
"Brendan? Are you ok?" Ste came rushing out of the bedroom to find Brendan on the floor covered in jam.
"What are you doing?" He took the knife from Brendan's hand and slowly lifted him up to sit against the cupboard doors – he could be quite strong when he needed to be and it impressed Brendan, he had never seen it before and it intrigued him to dig further into Ste's talents.
"I wanted to make you breakfast." He looked at his hands which were also covered in jam.
"Oh Bren…" Ste lowered himself to the floor and put his arms around Brendan's neck and pulled him closer. "You should have waited for me."
"I'm inpatient"
"I know! I'm just worried that you're going to hurt yourself if you do this again. Promise you won't?"
"Steven…"
"Promise?"
"Ok I promise."
"Good – now we can have breakfast." He leaned in and licked the jam seductively off Brendan's face. "Yum!"
The day went past pretty quickly. Brendan had a few visitors like Cheryl and surprisingly Pete. Brendan felt uneasy by his presence at the best of times – and they were rare, but now he too was paralysed it seemed to create an understanding between them.
"So how are ye Bren?" he tried to sound – friendly, Pete really Brendan could see right through this attempt of a friendly chat.
"Ye know Peter same old same old." His attention was completely directed to the TV as he was desperately trying to escape this conversion.
"I spoke to Cheryl the other day; she said you were getting better." His glare seemed to bore into the back or Brendan's head and it was obvious it made him feel uncomfortable as he began to twitch.
"Hmm" Brendan's voice was low and unsure.
"So how's Steven?" He knew this was a sensitive topic but pressed on none the less trying to engage Brendan in meaningful conversation.
"He's good thanks Peter." Lying was obviously one of Brendan's strong points; it kind of had to be with all the dodgy dealings he got up to in his spare time, however he had seen a change in Steven he wasn't going to deny he was merely going to avoid expressing it to one of his longest and most loyal friends (well sort of).
"How's he managing?"
"Managing?" His face screwed into obscurity – it had never occurred to him before that Steven was finding it hard to manage, he was tough and strong.
"Yeah… all the domestic duties" He was carful; he didn't want to upset or angry him.
"What ye getting at Peter?" Brendan semi knew anyway but didn't want to admit to himself or Peter.
"You know Bren – don't do this every time life gets hard! I've been here I know how it is, I know that you feel useless and alone and frightened and not good enough." He paused trying to regain his breathe, he leaned into Brendan and delivered the final blow, "You don't feel good enough for Steven."
Brendan's eyes dropped, his face was cold and yet displayed so much unresolved emotion. He had never felt good enough for Ste but now it was ten times worse; he had never needed Ste like this before and he still couldn't admit that he needed him like this now.
"He's tired." His voice almost…shy!
"That's usual…" Pete's voice was soft and emphasised his concern, he moved closer to the sofa as Brendan attempted to move over allowing Peter to get closer.
"Usual... ha!" He laughed dryly and winced in an uncomfortable manner.
"Ok so that wasn't the best choice of words but I'm just trying to make a point."
"A point, a point yer so that's what you're trying to do…" He voice was gruff and low – it was his best intimidating voice but it didn't fool Pete who was determined to get inside Brendan's inner feelings. No one had ever gotten to them, not even Steven, yet anyway, but Brendan knew how to deal with Pete's little psychology sessions by now so decided to humour him.
"I'm just saying maybe you two need a bit of help."
"Help" Brendan thought to himself "What is giving you the right to come along and tell me how to live my life just because we are both in the same situation!" His face was blaring, his eyes were about to burst with sheer angry and frustration, but he managed to contain himself. "What good was getting at Peter going to do anyway?" Brendan's expression was deep in thought and it was only when Pete had dared to speak; did he come back down to reality.
"Brendan, you ok?" His eyes were soft and caring but obviously it didn't fool Brendan, he used those eyes all the time and he could tell they were forced.
"Hmm" Was all he could muster. It was partly a noise produced by thought and partly and subconscious signal for "leave me alone!" either way it did the trick and as soon as Pete appeared he was gone.
Brendan spent the rest of the day mulling over what Peter had said. Being Brendan he wasn't about to admit that he needed "help" as Peter put it but he couldn't shake off the feeling of truth in, what quite frankly he could only describe as a load of sentimental dribble – Brendan Brady didn't do sentimental and he very rarely dribbled!
It was early in the evening; Brendan was sitting watching TV as Ste cleaned up after dinner. It was weird to think that this was their life now, together and they didn't have to pretend. I mean there were times in which the past came seeping through the obviously unfilled cracks, but they had time, time to work on making cement so strong that those cracks would be gone forever.
"Steven….!" Brendan called from the living room.
"Yeah hang on." He was busily putting dishes in the cupboards.
"Now Steven, I want you." His voice was playful and yet rough and rugged, just the way Ste liked it.
"Yeah what is it Brendan? I haven't finished clearing up." He put his sulky yet soft face on and pretended that Brendan had distracted him from something he really wanted to do.
"Come here…" He draw his finger forwards slowly which Ste followed like a magnet to metal, and that's what they were.
Ste sat on the sofa putting his arms around Brendan's waist.
"Shall we go to bed?" He was trying to be mysterious and Brendan loved it. Talking was going to have to wait!
It was a delicate procedure full of a lot of kissing, touching and surprisingly, passion. Somehow the two men seemed to make the difficult task of moving Brendan from his wheelchair to the bed a pleasurable experience. Ste lead on the left side of Brendan's body so he was able to feel his smooth and delectable young skin. It lasted for hours; they touched, rubbed, cuddled, caressed, and kissed roughly and softly until they finally lay side by side in bed, contented. Brendan worried for months whether he would ever be able to satisfy Ste's and his needs like he used to, the doctor made no promises either way and told him that only time would tell however Brendan was determined to make the best of the situation in hand.
"Steven..."
"Yeah?"
"Peter came to see me today."
"Oh yeah and…" He struggled to see where this conversation was going or indeed of what relevance it had to him. Pete was Brendan's friend even though they never saw each other and when they did you could cut the tension with a knife.
"He asked me how you were." He tried to sound casual enough to make it seem like it wasn't a cause from concern, but interested enough so it would allow Steven to realise that he cared and wanted to know how he was.
"Oh and what did you tell him?" He was intrigued slightly but it still wasn't of great significance.
"What would you have told him?" Brendan was being clever, something he did as fluidly as pouring water.
"Well…" He stopped, contemplating what to say to Brendan.
"Well what?..."
"I'm tired." Before Brendan could answer Ste spoke again "Very tired."
"Why didn't you tell me? I would have let you have the day off work." He was genuinely upset by this revelation, he felt as if he had cause Ste to feel like this and it killed him inside. He didn't want to be a source of pain for Ste anymore, he wanted to care for him, protecting him and he felt like he had failed before he had even started.
"Cos you got too much on your mind and I didn't want to add to it." He seemed repentant of not telling Brendan, almost like he had betrayed him.
"Listen Steven, you can tell me anything because…"
"Because what?"
"Because I love you, and I will never judge you, ok?"
"Yeah." He kissed Brendan on the lips and with that both men fell asleep in each other's arms – just like they were made for each other to interlock, like some kind of force field against the world.
