To be the son of the viscount's son…this burden no man can understand, it pushes on me. My walks along the Wounded Coast are all that console me at times. It is so beautiful here. The air so crisp and salty, the earth so full of life. It makes me almost forget what Kirkwall thrust my family. Really, there is only one who understands me, or at least I think he does, Ashaad.
Ashaad never lies, never feels the urge to kiss up to me like everyone else in the city. This man, this Quanri treats me just like any other person. There is never any "Seamus, son of the Viscount must be shielded" or "he is far too important to risk going off on his own." No, Ashaad only sees me as another being worthy of speaking to him. He says I am worthy when so many others are not. He says the Qun ignores trash and filth. He says that those who do not diverse to address one of his kind are swiftly dealt with, and I see this as an accommodation of my character to this strong man.
If I were unworthy of his attention, I would be dead.
But I am not.
Up and down the Wounded Coast we tread, he mapping all that we pass. The Qun demands it, and I do not question. I sneak away more and more just to be with him, just to see how resolute he is in his belief. The Qun demands it, and my Ashaad complies.
A storm hits while Ashaad is mapping the coast with me by his side, and we take refuge in a cave. He makes a fire. It is warm and bright. Ashaad gets close to it to keep warm, and I…I get close to him; and he does not turn me away. Ashaad is not one to suffer those not worthy of him, and yet he allows me to remain. That night I went…we went further than either of us had gone before. Love. That is what I felt, and what I hoped the Qun and Ashaad felt for me the morning after.
Bitch! She…she murdered him…Ashaad, my friend, my first…dead…by the hands of her. Blight take this wench and her Winters! How could she harm Ashaad? He was good. He was kind! I…I loved him. Hawk, destroy her and her mercenaries, and let my Ashaad be avenged. And may my father know of the injustice that be felled my one true friend.
It has been years, years since he died…Ashaad. And yet I miss him so. I give myself up to the Qun and its wisdom for him. I know this is what is right for me, for him. He would approve. My father wishes to make one last ditch effort to keep me from converting. Out of love and loyalty to him I will agree to his midnight meeting at the Chantry, if only out of family love.
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P-poison…my father was never here….A…Ashaad…I will be with you soon.
