It had been 2 months of waiting, 2 months of waiting to wake up from a nightmare, before I realised I would never wake up because it wasn't a dream.
I missed them I cried every night a drew them all, but my drawing book was most full up with him, most of the drawings I would focus on one feature specifically, the silvery shine of his blonde hair in the moonlight, or the way his cold calculating grey eyes would soften with concern and love when he looked at me. I hugged my book crying, DAMNIT! why did it take him dying for me to realise he loved me, for me to realise I loved him?! My brain was trying to tell me that the events a Heavenly Host were a lie, but that would mean im crazy, but I couldn't be crazy, so it must be a dream. I believed this until I woke up one morning with my book in my lap, I must have been sleep drawing again, sometimes my brain would draw a memory while I slept, I looked down and screamed hand clapped across my mouth, I knew this memory, the worst memory, it was Kishinuma-kun, against the door his right eye bloody holding his guts in his hands right before that man had punched straight through his brain, I gaged at the memory. I threw the pad across the room and ran to the bath room locking the door behind me, I threw up in the toilet tears streaming down my face, my brain had finally accepted Kishinuma-kun's death, along with then others, I don't need to name them, EVERYONE had died except me and Naomi, and Naomi went insane long ago. I rummaged through the bathroom draws, my hysteria subsiding, before finding what I needed, I slipped into the empty bathtub, I produced the razor and slit my right wrist, I sucked in a breath it hurt a lot, there was already a lot of blood, I bit my lip, after Heavenly Host I had a phobia of blood, I then slit my left wrist, and let then rest by my sides, it still hurt, but the pain was becoming slightly less and my vision was going in and out, I was already lying down but I rested her head back a bit and smiled.
"Kishinuma-Kun, I love you" I whispered before slipping into the darkness.
I opened my eyes and looked around, I was still in the bath tub, strange, I looked round again and caught my breath.
"Shinozaki" he smiled his eyes shining
Yoshiki was standing right in front of me in all his blonde haired glory.
"Kish-Kishinuma-kun?" I said
He help me out of the bath then we stood there just looking at each other for what seemed like forever, then I burst into tears and fell into his arms
"Yoshiki!" I sobbed into his chest "you're alive! I'm so sorry, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry!"
I wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him and kissed him and kissed him, I had never been so happy
"I Love You" I said still crying in between kissed
"I Love you too, im so glad you're here" he said hugging me close resting his head on mine, putting an end to the kissing
"Ayumi" he said stroking my hair "I'm not alive"
"w-what?" I said "is this a dream?" I couldn't bear it if this wasn't real
"No, Ayumi, this isn't a dream we are really together" he smiled at me but then he grabbed my wrist and made me look at him "But im not alive, Ayumi, you're dead"
the words sunk in and I remembered what I did to be with Yoshiki.
Im Dead.
I spun around to the bath tub, there was a LOT of blood, and lying amongst it was, well ME, my body at least, Yoshiki wrapped his arms around me from behind.
"are you okay?" he asked concerned
I nodded pressing my lips together and turned to look at him, THIS is what I ad given up my life for, just as he had done for me, there was nothing good about living anymore anyway just day after day of slowly driven insanity. I studied him fully appreciating all the things I hadn't noticed abut him and that my drawing hadn't been able to capture, the stray stands of fair blonde hair falling just between his grey eyes shining with concern for me, the soft curve of his lower lip and the perfect texture of his cream skin.
"I'm fine I know this sounds horrible but I want to be dead so I can be with you, there was nothing left for me to live for" I admitted
just at that moment the door burst open and my sister Hinoe rushed in, when she saw my body she collapsed next to the bath tub sobbing
"AYUMI!" she wailed "Why would you do this Ayumi! Imouto!"
"Onee-Chan, its ok im better now" I said walking over to her I tried to put a hand on her shoulder but nothing happened, I couldn't feel her and she couldn't feel, or hear I realised, me.
"she can't hear or feel you, trust me I've been trying to reach out to you for 2 months, I've watch you cry, I've watched you draw, and I never knew I looked like that" he said going a little red "and I watched you die"
"you've been watching over me this whole time?" I asked
"yeah" he said rubbing the back of his neck
My heart did flips I cant believe he had been watching over me, all this time making sure I was ok.
I sprung forward and crushed our lips together
"i love you" I said intertwining our fingers
"i love you too Ayumi I always have and will, we have eternity" he said kissing me
"come on I think the other will be excited to see you" he smiled
"the others?" I said
"yeah you know, Satoshi, Yui Sensei, Suzumoto, Yuka, everyone, except Nakashima of course, but I don't think she's that far off, Satoshi swears she heard him talk the other day" he explained
my heart leaped I can see them now, I started to cry again but happy tears
"yes please can I see them?" I asked
"yes just close your eyes and let go, of this world and think of them" he said holding my hands
so I did just that, there was a sort of whooshing sensation then I heard voices
"Shinozaki!"
"Onii-Chan! Its Ayumi!"
"Ayumi I've missed you so much!"
"welcome Shinozaki"
"oh Kishinuma-kun! she's here!"
"Shinozaki-san!"
I opened my eyes and saw my friends, Satoshi, Yuka, Mayu, Morishige, Seiko and Yui Sensei, all here. All smiling. All with me at last.
The day I died was the best day of my life.
