Well I had been living back in Eastbourne when I was told about her. Now i was well aware that i was a father to a few kids, and i sent they mothers some child support. Now it was when i got the letter from her mum… i realized that i may need to raise one of them. Now as i drive down to the hospital to see her, i realize. Im not cut out to be a dad! I try to avoid the nervous feeling as i park and put out my cigarette. No more smoking in the car i guess. My life changed for the best on Febuary 23, 2003
She doesn't smile at me. Two months she's been with me, she hasn't smiled once. I thought it'd be at least twelve years before she realized i wasnt a good dad. I hear a cry from the other room.
"Ah shit. Are you 'ungry?" i walk into my room\her room. Red faced and scream-crying, and threw her bottle at me. It hit me right in the forhead "son of a-!" i touch the area that got hit, and red hot pain shot through my skin. I walk over to the crib, and pick her up, gently rocking her. "Sydney wuts wrong?" i dont know why i asked her, shes not old enough to speak yet. I tried rocking her more, but she cried louder. I reach for my phone and call up the one person i know to ask for help.
"Mum shes cryin still i dunt know what to do!"
Her voice came through the phone, soft as always
"Stuart dear, did you change her?"
"I just did tweny miutes ago!"
"Babies are like that love." she hangs up. Twenty minutes later, turns out she DID need to be changed. I changed her into a small skeleton onesie, and place her back into her crib. She stared up at me. Just… stared. She was so cute, and i know its worth the constant crying to have her. Soon she was asleep, and i turned on the news. Slow news day, because the report was simply "GORILLAZ BASS PLAYER MURDOC NICCALS ARRESTED IN MEXICO, BREAKS OUT MONTH LATER"
Goddamnit murdoc
Another two months later, and my mum and dad came to visit. I was cleaning up the house for hours. Thankfully sydney didnt cry too much. Four months old and she already had a nice pixie cut length of hair, deep blue like my own. Blue hair and Black eyebrows… doesnt make sense, but nothing really ever does.
There was a sharp knock at the door as i was feeding syd. I open the door, and my mum and dad stand in my doorway, smiling proudly. "'Ello! 'Ome in, 'ome in!" i closed the door as they entered. "Oh stuart, can i hold her?" "oh um, ok mum" i hand her the small, half asleep baby. She gently cooed at mum, and mum kissed her forehead. "Stu, if she doesnt smile, does she not like you?" "i dunno dad, she 'asnt smiled at me."
On her first birthday, it was just me and her. She had been learning to crawl, so one of her birthday presents was a soft crawling mat. The first time she smiled was when i held her, and showed her a huge teddy bear. The bear was bright red and had small patches of black for eyes (buttons tended to fall off the bears and into her hands), as well as a great big purple bow. She crawled onto the bear, and instantly fell over. She hit her head, and the cry that came after was painful to hear. I ran over to her, picking her up and kissing her head "oh please dun cry!" i pleaded, but she cried louder. I was right on this day last year. I have no clue how to be a father
