AN: Alright here is the Sequel!! As you all know I don't own any of the characters except for two... well sort of I just changed their names... one of which I wished I owned... But you don't have to worry about that... All goes to Stephenie Meyer except for those two that you'll meet later on... Anyways I will tell you there will be some drastic changes in some of the characters in my story!! But don't fret because it'll all go as I've planned in my head... I hope.

Go ahead and start reading!!

Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think that there's enough that you would drown?

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

No one can tell you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
Screaming every step, "Just stay here"

Chapter One:

Never Wake Up…

If I lay my head down can I wish to never wake up? "C'mon Bella it's not that big of a deal!" whined my roommate Jenny. I was tempted to roll my eyes, but I stopped she was just trying to help… though it was a big waste of time on her part.

"And I'm telling you it is… I thought you understood…" I said softly. She just laughed and shook her head.

"I understand that you want to focus on your studies and that you don't want to date, but honey your life right now is so bland that even the color beige is more exciting." She said in her thick Brooklyn accent. This time I did roll my eyes at her.

"Ok Jenny I know I've been really serious about all my studies and everything, but I just don't have the time tonight… I've got a paper due tomorrow and I really need to start cracking down on it." I said… it was a lame excuse but it was all I had to go back on.

"Yeah you mean the paper that you've had done for three days now?" she asked her lips pursed in annoyance. I shook my head and smiled sweetly at her.

"That was a different class this is government."

"Hmm… somehow I just don't believe you…" Jenny contemplated as she tapped her chin. I rolled my eyes and got off my bed and towards the small desk that was across from it that held all of my school crap.

"You don't have to believe me Jenny, I'm just not going."

"I will get you to go out with this guy even if it's the last thing that I do." She threatened pointing her finger towards me and I just shrugged.

"Yeah keep thinking that…" I said before turning towards my laptop that held all of my pain- I mean writing… and also my school work. I began typing and typing and boring and boring. It wasn't until eleven when there was pounding on my dorm room.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I said before I let out a big yawn. I walked over to my door and unlocked it before cracking it slightly. I sighed when I saw who it was, "What do ya'll want?" I asked opening the door completely and letting the two buffoons in.

"You shouldn't be the one asking the questions Bella, what we need to be asking is why in the hell are you home on a Friday night?" asked Chris.

And without missing a beat Blake said, "Again."

"I was writing a paper that's due tomorrow…" I said sitting down on my bed and leaning back against the wall.

"That's total and complete crap!" Chris said out of exasperation as Blake nodded as they sat down simultaneously on Jenny's bed facing me.

"Just because I actually do my work instead of partying and messing around doesn't mean that it's total and complete crap Chris," I said clenching my eyes close as I let out a sigh.

"Bella just because we don't obsess over every little comma like you do doesn't mean we don't care. We write then the other brother looks it over and says its good now go print it off," Blake said and I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"Coming from you Blake isn't saying much seeing as you can make a paper that even the Pope would want to read in an hour," I said as I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Hey! What about me?" Chris asked as he pouted a little.

I laughed and just smiled, "You Chris couldn't even find a book for the Pope to read because you don't know where they are." Blake started to laugh with me and Chris just sat pouting still. "Aw Chris don't feel too bad, it's why we love you!"

"Yeah sure that's why you love me…"

"Ok so seriously let's go out and have fun!" Blake said with a little whine.

"No guys I'm tired and I don't feel like going out today…" I said with a sigh.

"C'mon you promised you would help us get chicks!" Chris said whining even more than Blake.

"Chris you could get any girl you want, you don't need me to help you out," I said and he just laughed.

"Yeah but Blakey here needs all the help he can get," Chris said and then Blake hit his shoulder with a loud pop. Chris just winced a little and then started to laugh and it wasn't long until all three of us were laughing.

"Neither of you need help getting laid so why are you here?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Jenny called us," Blake said with a sigh and then shook his head, his good mood seeming to vanish. "Seriously Bella just because… I mean… it doesn't mean that you can't date."

Chris wasn't smiling anymore but he wasn't frowning, though his eyes showed stress. I sighed and shook my head, "I'm fine guys I just really needed to get that paper done, and it took me longer than I thought it would."

"Bella I know that it might seem-" Blake was about to continue before Chris interrupted him as he stood up.

"C'mon lets go… I can tell she's tired. Get some sleep babe because you're coming out with us the next time without complaints." Chris said as he hugged me tightly, I smiled into his shoulder and nodded my head.

"Thanks," I whispered and I felt him rub my back and I knew he meant you're welcome. "Bye Blake I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye Bella and you better count on us being here for the next party night!" he said as he made his way towards the door with Chris following closely behind.

I sat back down on my bed and placed my head on the pillow. I stayed still knowing that I wouldn't be able to go to sleep, but I still tried. Maybe the reason I couldn't go to sleep was because I might never wake up, I thought and then sighed again. Here I was lying on my bed in my second semester of my sophomore year in college and I still couldn't face my nightmares.

I was Twenty years old and I was scared of what was in my head… yeah I'm all grown up huh mommy? I laughed sarcastically at myself. My life literally went down the hole when I left my home, my life, my friends, my too green town. I couldn't help but miss it every day, but yet I still felt like I wasn't ready to face them…

I've been told many times that I need to get over myself and many times I've thought the same thing but yet I couldn't do it. I've changed way too much for them to even try to accept me as who I am. This is no longer the sarcastic, funny, crazy in love, and bitch that they all said they loved. I was the complete opposite in fact. I was quiet at least to anyone but Chris and Blake, I no longer said what was on my mind, I didn't act like a bitch to anyone unless it was those two crazy brothers, and I haven't been in love for some quite time now.

Things change I guess… people change… places change…

I opened my eyes and they went in and out of focus because the light was still on, with a groan I got up and turned off the light and locked the door, knowing that if Jenny came home at all tonight then she had her key. Knowing Jenny though she was probably out hooking up with some Frat guy at some Frat party… I shivered slightly as I thought about what she could be doing. And if she does come home I'll be up at around three in the morning holding her hair back in the bathroom because that's how good of friend I am.

I went back to my bed and went back to lying down… Now to my earlier thought… If I lay my head down can I wish to never wake up? It would make things a lot easier for a lot of people including myself… I wasn't suicidal or anything I just wanted finally a peaceful end to all of my suffering… I know I shouldn't be complaining seeing as people go through probably a lot worse than me but I couldn't help it.

After nights of going forever into nightmares of a man that haunts you, you'd want it to end too. But I didn't just want an end to it all, I wanted the elaborate happily ever after, but I knew I'd never get that. Maybe that's why I had lost all hope because I knew it would never come. Why? Because I am the very one who ruined my own life. My name is Isabella Marie Swan. And I'm ashamed of it.

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still
I will be here still

AN: Ok yes it's a short chapter... but there will be more and SOON I promise!! though that promise can only be kept as long as I get my wonderful reviews that I adore so much!!! Oh and if you haven't figured it out the two characters are the lovely Chris and Blake... Song and lyrics are by Kelly Clarkson!!!