Really Bad Eggs

By Anne Parkington

Disclaimer:  I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Or any of it's characters . . . although  I'm working on buying Johnny Depp off E-bay any day now. . ^_^*

Summary: What happens when Jack convinces Elizabeth that the eggs in the rum runner's cellar are okay? Madness ensues! Full of cross-overs and crazy things, this is very flame worthy.

Chapter One

//Okay, Elizabeth and Jack have managed to get themselves trapped on that damn island again. . . oh well.\\

"We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,

drink up me 'earties, yo ho!"

Elizabeth raised the egg half way to her mouth, but then looked at Jack.

"Are you sure these eggs are alright to eat? They look a little. . . funny." She held it up for him to see. He took it from her, and brought it up to his face to get a better look. It was green with cracks all over it, from which putrid yellowed whites exploded from.

"Ah. . . yeah! It's fine! It's just. . . 's' pickled, is all!" He said shiftily, giving it back to her.

"Really?" Elizabeth asked, her brow softening. Jack nodded, and went back to sharpening his knife.

"Would I lie to you?" He asked, giving her a cheeky smile.

"Well. . . you told Captain Barbosa back there that you were dishonest. Now. . . if you were telling the truth then you'd be lying and that would mean that you were dishonest, which is why no one should ever listen to you ever. And this is why I'm a little hesitant about eating an egg that looks like it's been sitting here for years!"

Jack stared at her for a moment, his eyes searching hers. He wasn't exactly sure what she had just said, but she was confident enough, so he took it that she was right. She was most of the time. He picked another one out of the box and sniffed it. He'd smelt worse. Pirates don't really like to shower much.

"It's fine! It's pickled to keep from going bad!" he cried and stuffed it into his mouth. Elizabeth watched him for a moment, and then put hers in her mouth. She chewed for a moment, still watching Jack. He was still looking at her, and hadn't blinked. She swallowed her egg and inched closer to him.

"Jack?" She asked. But she felt funny. . . she was getting dizzy. The last thing she saw was a close up of Jack's shirt as she fell into him, knocking him to the ground. They lay there motionless until, Jack's ghost stood up and stretched.

"Wow." It said, "I guess those eggs weren't okay. . . Oh, here, 'luv, let me help yeh up." He said, and held out a hand to Elizabeth's ghost, who pulled herself up and dusted off her dress.

"That settles it, I'm never trusting you again."

"Hm. . . well, now that we're dead, it can't really hurt you anymore can it?" Jack smirked.

"Shut up, you bloody pirate." She snapped as they started to float upwards. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?!" She asked, noticing that he was also floating up.

"Up to heaven! Where did you think I was going, Miss Swann?"

"Well, obviously." She said, hands on her hips. Jack raised his eyebrows. She stared at him in shock that he seemed beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was going to heaven. "You were the captain of the black pearl!" She said in outrage, "a ship condemned to hell!"

"Only cuz of the gold, m'lady." Jack said, waving his hands, he admired one of his rings and smiled a gold toothed smile. "I didn't have any part in it."

"But you would have." Elizabeth said through clenched teeth. She clenched her fist and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Woah there lassy! You're getting just a little too hostile for my liking. . . I think I'll just turn away, and let you calm down, Savvy?" He tipped his hat a little over his eyes, and reclined, his arms behind his head.

"Ahh this is the life." He mumbled to himself. Elizabeth huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Pirates." She muttered under her breath. Jack peeked from under his hat.

"I heard that." He grumbled.

Elizabeth turned away.

They soon reached the gates of heaven, which were as they both had imagined: gold and shiny and very tall. As they walked through them, Jack tried to scrape off a piece with his knife.

"Jack Sparrow!" Elizabeth snapped.

"Oh. . ehh. . . right." He said, putting his knife away and swaggering over to her.

"Dead, and you're still tipsy." Elizabeth said in amusement. Jack gave a small bow. Suddenly, a hundred trumpets sounded, scaring the Bejezus out of the two. Elizabeth gave a loud scream and she leapt into Jack's arms, who, at the same time, was jumping a foot in the air, and they crashed to the floor. Then a bright light shone through onto their faces.

"I'm blind!!!"  Jack yelled, feeling around. Elizabeth suddenly became aware of his wandering arms, and slapped them, but she was momentarily blind as well, so she kind of missed. . . . a lot.

A tall figure, in white robes descended down from the light, and gave them each a pair of plastic yellow rimmed glasses.

"What are these for? To block that horrible light?" Elizabeth asked, rubbing her eyes.

"NO! Of course not" the figure said laughing slightly. "To watch the movie on being dead. It's in 3-D!" She grinned. Elizabeth stared. She had no idea what a movie was, or 3-D, but she put the glasses on anyway. She glared down at Jack, who she was still sitting on.

"Jack! Put these on, and stop your whining!" She shoved the glasses into his hands. He stuffed them onto his face and looked around.

"What. . . what are these for, they don't help the light at all!" He turned his hat down and put it over his face.

"No we're watching something. . . a. . . a m-m-ovie." She said.

Jack turned the hat up a little and peered at her from under it.

"What's a movie?" He asked. She shrugged.

"We'll soon find out." She said cheerfully as a large screen fell down before them, and the lights went out.

*Well that's chapter one. I know it's not that good. At ALL. But I had lots of fun thinking up this idea. . . it gets crazier, believe me.

Stay tuned next time on 'Really Bad Eggs'

When Jack Sparrow meets TEEN ANGEL!!

Will finds out that Elizabeth's dead.

Jack and Teen Angel go to VEGAS!!

Review please, cuz I like them, and they motivate me.