Author's note:

The WARNINGS contain SPOILERS but I recommend you read them so you know what you are getting into.

Welcome to "the little oneshot that could". As has happened before, while writing a oneshot meant to be around 10.000 words, things got a little hand. Even though I previously promised myself not to write another story exceeding 100.000 words, I did. The story was written in full in a manner of weeks; all 116.000 words of it.

Because the story is complete, I can make you a unique promise: fast updates! A new chapter will post every single week (every Sunday, barring special circumstances), this gives me time to make necessary revisions and have my beta look it over. There will be 11 chapters of approximately 10.000 words each.

I hope you will enjoy the speedy updates, but above all, I hope you will enjoy the story. It has been a true passion project and a labor of love. Writing it was a great experience, I'd love if you'd let me know if the experience of reading it is also fun.

See you next Sunday ;)


OVERALL WARNINGS: Angst! Drama! Hurt/Comfort elements! Language! OOC-ness! Sexual confusion/identity crisis! Gender identity crisis! Homophobia! Transphobia! Violence (non-explicit)! SEX (explicit)! Minor Dom/Sub Dynamic (honestly so mild it might not even be worth mentioning)!

This story explores the sexuality spectrum as well as the gender spectrum. That means this story includes a Gender-Bending/Genderqueer/Gender-Fluid/Non-Binary Gender Identity character (read: feminization and crossdressing). If that is not something you are open to, please skip this story.

If you decide to read this story, please remember that the featured characters are individuals and are not written to represent an entire group of people. I'm not making any statements on what it means to be queer or gender queer. Neither sexuality nor gender identity can be generalized across people – it's different for everyone – and this story is about the experiences of two individuals. I don't mean any disrespect, to anyone, and I hope I've handled the subject with the sensitivity that it deserves.


Beta: Shima Yi (Thanks so much for doing this!)


The Neon Spectrum

Not limited to black and white.

Not dulled to shades of gray.

The spectrum is neon.

Chapter ONE – Straight + Gay

It was two thirty AM when Duo shut the door behind him and paused to listen, even holding his breath. The apartment was quiet, except for the constant hum of the refrigerator directly to his left. Duo toed off his shoes; he had been anxious to get out of them. He hadn't been able to find his right sock and his skin had gotten clammy and disgusting in the leather boot. On one bare foot and one foot clad in an inside-out green sock, he padded across the spacious living room and peeked into the hallway that led to both bedrooms, the shared office, and the bathroom. Heero's bedroom door was closed, as it always was. There was no way of knowing if his roommate was home or not, but there were no light visible under the door, so if he was home, he'd be asleep.

However, roommate-rules were that they were under no obligations to be quiet on the weekends, so he didn't have to tip-toe around. He went back to the kitchen, taking his one sock off along the way and tossing it in the garbage, since it was worthless without its partner anyway. Before he took his foot off the pedal and let the metal lid fall shut, he cocked his head at the sight of the perfectly good sock on top of banana peels and coffee-filters. Perfectly good but worthless without a partner, he mused and let the lid drop before he'd start to feel sympathy for a fucking sock. He fetched himself a beer – bottles of beer and bottles of water were pretty much the only things they kept in the fridge – and then searched the cabinets for a snack.

They had rushed through dinner, both hungry for something else at the time, but Duo knew he should have finished his plate and not skip on dessert. He had a healthy appetite and he needed the fuel for the following sexual activities, but he wasn't really thinking ahead once he felt her foot caress his calf under the table, and go up and up and up. Looking back on it – he could never help but review the evening once it was over, and the responsibility to call for the next date was on his shoulders – the night hadn't gotten more exciting than that, and that was a shame. Especially since he skipped dessert for it.

Ice cream! His mind supplied and he abandoned a bag of stale chips that he found and ripped open the freezer door. He really had to pull hard to get that thing open. A choir started in on 'Hallelujah' as he was greeted by the gallon tub of chocolate marshmallow ice cream – Heero's 'break-up' ice cream. The flavor was different every time. The gallon tubs usually lasted a couple of break-ups, then he'd come home with something new. His roommate could be so fucking gay sometimes, not that Duo minded – especially when there was ice cream involved. Duo was never hesitant about getting the apartment with the Japanese man who he barely knew at the time, three years ago.

No – shit! – four, four years ago, he corrected himself. He took the tub out of the freezer – there was only enough left for one serving anyway, albeit a big one – and walked it and his beer over to the couch.

They had both been looking for apartments at the same time and were only shown shit places because separately they couldn't afford anything nice. Duo bitched about it to his best friend, Quatre; and Heero, apparently, bitched about to his best friend, Trowa. Trowa and Quatre had been together since the dawn of time – their ten-year anniversary was coming up – so the two love-birds crossed the streams and suggested Duo and Heero should find a place together. With their combined budget, they could afford a nicer place. Quatre warned Duo that Heero was gay, and Trowa warned Heero that Duo was straight. Before considering moving in together, they had only met each other a couple of times at parties and talked sparingly. Duo couldn't even put a face to the name when Quatre first mentioned him.

Oddly, Heero was the one taking some issue with the thought of a gay man and a straight man living together, while the American honestly didn't care. He grew up in New York, did a year of college abroad in Amsterdam, and thanks to his near lifelong friendship with Quatre, Duo had more gay friends in his life than straight guys. Duo invited him to coffee and managed to convince Heero he was evolved enough that he wouldn't revert into an angry caveman when Heero brought a guy home; pretty soon after that, they found a great apartment, almost precisely half-way between Duo's work and Heero's office, but just a little closer to Duo's – his roommate wasn't going to let him forget it.

Duo already knew having gay friends was great. They didn't shut him down when he wanted to discuss something personal as "stop being a pussy"; no, they listened and gave pretty great advice, and then they'd introduce him to one of their many hot girlfriends.

Having a gay roommate was equally beneficial, or maybe it wasn't a gay thing – maybe it was just a Heero-thing. The guy had great sense of style. The living room looked amazing; it was modern, but comfortable and with soft tones without being boring. They didn't have dinner together every night, but they did more often than not on weekdays and Heero was a great cook. Asian cuisine had been the American's favorite anyway and he didn't even get stuck doing the dishes by himself. During dinner, they always lost themselves in an interesting conversation and heated, though never unfriendly, discussion that lasted longer than the meal; Heero stayed in the kitchen with him and helped him clean. Heero also had all these great skincare products that Duo could use without the embarrassment of having to go to a store and pick out moisturizers and scented lotions for himself – Heero was kind enough to pretend he didn't notice Duo was using them. And since they started lumping their laundry together, with the exception of socks and underwear, Heero had saved him from many mishaps of mixing the colors with the whites.

Finally, it was really great that his roommate had a busy social life, much like him. They both got home late on Fridays and Saturdays – or not at all – and it was never a problem if either of them needed the place for themselves once in a while. If given enough notice, the other could always find someplace else to crash. If not, they mostly kept to themselves in their rooms anyway. Other times, Duo loved playing the jilted boyfriend and scaring the shit out of Heero's dates. With tousled hair, inside out shirt and unbuttoned-fly, they'd run out the door. They'd do this really funny run down the hallway to the stairs, holding up their pants with one hand and holding their shoes with the other. Heero got a good laugh out of it – he had a twisted sense of humor too. He was good company and Duo liked spending time with him. He knew him for four years, but still felt like he didn't understand him; that made Heero captivating and interesting to be around.

But the ice cream is the best of all, he decided as he brought another spoonful to his lips. He flicked on the TV, just because he couldn't stand the dead-quiet and took a swig of his beer. Some stupid reality show was on but he couldn't even be bothered to change the channel.

So far, Quatre setting him up with Heero as his roommate was the best set-up yet, although not for lack of trying. Even socialite Quatre was running out of friends to introduce him to.

His date for the week had been Madison, the daughter of the neighbor's dogwalker's uncle's best friend… or something. She was perfectly nice – they all were. Duo used to love dating, but lately he was easily bored and he knew it had nothing to do with the women. Something was wrong with him, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

The first date with Madison was a week ago, yesterday – a Friday because that was a logical date night. Their second date was last Tuesday: some gallery opening that Duo never really cared for, but it was the kind of thing you're supposed to do. The third date was the day before, but Duo had to cut out early because he got called in for a work emergency. The car that he had worked on and returned to the owner the afternoon before died on the guy halfway along the highway; the owner showed up at the shop just before closing and was cursing up a storm. To assure Madison that it wasn't an excuse to ditch her, they made plans for Saturday as well. Duo didn't really want to go; the Celtics were playing that night, but choosing basketball over a girl definitely wasn't what you're supposed to do. He probably mentioned the game too often during the date though – her attitude switched from pity to frustration and back, until she decided she knew a way to get him to stop whining about missing the game.

She played footsie with him under the table, and then suggested they ask for the check and have coffee at her place instead. Of course, that meant sex and it did make Duo feel a little better. As soon as the night was over and he kissed her goodbye as she was drifting off to sleep, he went home and checked the scores online on his phone. The Celtics had lost.

No dessert and no victory, which meant the team didn't advance to the semi-finals. And on top of it all, he lost his sock because he was too damn curious about the results to search her dark bedroom a little longer. He took another big bite of ice cream and washed it down with beer. Not the best combination.

Keys jingled on the other side of the door and it brought a smile to Duo's face. He waited for his roommate to find the right key and unlock the door.

Noticing that the lights were on, Heero looked around as he stepped into the apartment and quickly spotted Duo seated on the big couch. "Good morning."

"Good morning." He held up his beer as a toast and watched Heero turn around to lock and bolt the door. He looked good in tight, low-riding, black jeans, heavy boots and a forest green shirt that was a little too short on him, showing two inches of golden skin above the waistband of his jeans. He leaned down, unfastened his black boots and put them next to Duo's by the door, before crossing the room to the couch, walking around the glass coffee table. He sat down very slowly and gingerly, and Duo grinned.

The American looked deep into the nearly empty tub of ice cream and inquired innocently: "Rough night?" He didn't see the pillow coming his way until it was too late and he let out a loud, surprised laugh after being hit by the soft item.

"That's my ice cream," Heero pointed out.

Duo smirked sloppily and held out a spoonful. "Want some?"

"It's my break-up ice cream," Heero clarified.

"Ah, right." And only when he was heartbroken did he allow himself such a fatty, sugary indulgence. "Well, just giving you a head's up: it's almost gone now."

"It's fine. Can't break-up if you aren't dating anyone." He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

"I thought you were seeing this Cohen guy?"

"I fucked 'this Cohen guy'," he corrected matter-of-factly.

"What about tonight?"

"Hm. Logan."

Duo snickered. "Good ol' Logan. Haven't heard his name in a while."

Heero opened his eyes and looked at him as if he had told him something he didn't already know. "I always go to Logan when I'm in the mood for a 'rough night'. Guess I just… haven't felt like it in a bit." He made a dismissive gesture.

Duo chuckled. Heero had a very healthy and unashamed sex-life – it made him jealous sometimes. Whenever the Japanese man was between relationships, he had a couple of 'friends' he could rely on to satisfy his needs. He wondered if that was a gay-thing, or if it was also just a Heero-thing; having people line up to have sex with you whenever you feel like it. Duo felt there was much more ritual involved in straight sex, more courtship. It could be tedious when all you're looking for is someone to keep your bed warm for the night, but the other is looking for "the one". It always made him feel guilty and dirty too; he didn't want to mislead or disappoint anyone, but most women didn't react so well if he admitted to them he just wanted sex.

He had a fuck-buddy once, and that had been great – mutual pleasure and a shared understanding of what it was. Everything went awry when she went through a particularly bad break-up and got the idea in her head that, since they had such a great sexual connection, they could have a relationship. She had called him over for dinner and usually that was code for "half a glass wine before and I'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich after", but he showed up to her apartment and she had actually made dinner: lamb chops. They went on three dates, filled with awkward silences and misunderstood jokes from both sides, and he never saw her again after that.

It wasn't that Duo wasn't also looking for "the one" because he was, but he was getting more and more cynical as he approached thirty and he could tell pretty much instantly if he really liked a girl or not. Lately, he didn't really like any of them, but he still needed certain, basic needs fulfilled.

"What about your night?" Heero asked, pulling him from his musings.

He shrugged. "It was fine." He scraped the last of the ice cream from the bottom of the tub.

"So you heard, huh?"

"What?" Duo cocked his head.

"About the Celtics?"

"Oh… yeah."

"I figured. You never get this morose just because a date didn't go well."

"I lost a sock too," he said with a pathetic pout; Heero chuckled. "Did you watch the game?" Heero was only a casual sports-fan, in the sense that he enjoyed watching most sports, but he didn't have a team to actively root for, probably because growing up he moved around a lot across the States before settling here. He never had the time to get attached to a team, get that 'we' feeling. But, if he recalled correctly, Logan was a pretty fanatic Celtics supporter.

"Of course."

"I bet Logan was pissed."

"He was," the other conceded mildly. "But it doesn't matter much to me if they win or if they lose. The sex is great either way."

Duo smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess angry sex can be pretty good too."

Heero snorted. "You make it sound like you've never had angry sex before."

"Not in a long while at least."

"Hn. Mister Nice-Guy."

Duo shrugged and traced the rim of his bottle of beer with his finger. "There's just never a lot of passion lately."

Heero seemed surprised and uncomfortable at Duo engaging in this sudden, personal conversation. They got along well, but they weren't really friends – in the sense that they never spent any time together outside of the apartment – so they didn't talk about the "real stuff". But Duo did want that kind of relationship with him. He always enjoyed coming home, knowing Heero would be there – after work, after another busted date. In his own, unpredictable way, Heero could always make him feel better about anything, without even being aware that he was doing anything in particular to lift Duo's spirits. Duo desperately wanted him to make him feel better about this.

"It's all very polite and by the rules," the American continued. "It's very… vanilla…" he concluded, staring into the empty tub. "And it's weird because I don't see myself as the vanilla-guy. Vanilla is boring – I'm not boring… Am I?"

Heero's response didn't get more eloquent than "Uhhh…"

"And she's not boring either, yet I am bored. How is that normal? I mean, Madison is a really nice girl. She's smart, not afraid to get her hands dirty, can really chug down a beer – that's cool – and she's hot. Super hot. She's a yoga-instructor for fuck's sake. And I had sex with her tonight! But all I can think about are the fucking Celtics and my fucking sock!"

Heero let out a laugh, not fully comprehending how serious Duo was being.

"The only reason I would want to see her again would be to try and get my other sock back, which is exactly why I definitely shouldn't see her again. Be honest, that's weird, right?" His roommate was appropriately hesitant to pass his judgment. "I just want to find the girl to spend my life with, to live with, so I don't have to shack-up with a fucking roommate forever – no offense – but the thought of spending the rest of my life with any of the girls I've been with bores me." Duo threw up his hands in frustration. Passion, friendship, sexual thrill and someone to come home to… was he asking for too much?

"You just haven't found the right girl yet," Heero offered.

Duo mumbled an apology for his odd, emotional outburst and quietly wished to himself there was more ice cream.

They sat in silence for a moment and then Heero announced he was going to bed. He took a shower first and then disappeared into his bedroom at the end of the hallway. With a sigh, Duo got up from the couch, threw away the empty tub of ice cream, and put the empty bottle of beer in the crate with the others under the sink before heading to bed as well.


X


Two weeks later, Duo joined Quatre on a shopping trip. Next month the wealthy, blond man was going to Hawaii with his boyfriend for two weeks, and apparently he had "absolutely nothing to wear"; a new vacation wardrobe was an absolute necessity. Tagging along and carrying the shopping bags in exchange for fancy coffee and a free lunch, Duo used their time together to share his concerns about his relationships and dating life with his best friend – who had heard the story a thousand times over.

"Would you stop about the sock, already?" Quatre called from inside the changing room. "I'll get you a new pair if that'll help."

"The sock is a metaphor, Quat." Duo rolled his eyes. "I'm saying I feel alone and like there isn't a matching sock out there to complete me. I thought you gays were supposed to be good at this sort of stuff. Heero wasn't of any help either."

Quatre popped his head out from behind the black curtain of the dressing room in the high-end boutique and presented his smug face. "We are good at this stuff, but just say straight-up – no pun intended – what you mean."

"Okay… well… I guess I just did." He sat back in the velvet chair in front of the dressing rooms and folded his arms across his chest. "So?"

"So… I'm not going to be of any more help than Heero was. You just haven't met the right girl yet." He went back inside and finished getting dressed. A minute later he emerged wearing a pair of nicely fitted white slacks and a button-up shirt with some sort of ostentatious pattern on it. Duo made a face at the outfit as Quatre appraised himself in the mirror. "Don't make that face. We're going to Hawaii. That's about the only place shirts like these are allowed; I have to make good use of that."

"But does Trowa know he's going to Hawaii with a retired straight guy from Lord-weren't-the-eighties-the-best town USA?"

Quatre let out a laugh but protested: "God, Duo, you can be such a cunt sometimes. No wonder a lot of people mistake you for gay."

"Nonono, that would be because of the hair."

His friend laughed again and shook his head at him. He spun around and put his hands on his hips. "Seriously, what do you think?"

"I'll find solace in the fact that I know you'll spend most of your vacation naked in your room anyway."

"I really need to replace you with a gay model," Quatre jested and went back into the dressing room.

"Why? I'm practically a gay guy anyway, except for the sex. You said so yourself."

Quatre poked his head out again. "You know I didn't mean it like that."

The American shrugged. "I know but it's not like I'm offended."

Quatre offered him a smile and went back in to change back into his own clothes.

"I'm just jealous of what you and Trowa have, you know?" Duo muttered pathetically. "The kind of relationship that still excites you after ten years. The kind of relationship that's like having sex with your best friend. The kind of relationship where you can dress in the most hideous shirt and not worry that your partner will stop loving you."

"You are an awful, awful friend!" Quatre called from behind the closed curtain, but the remark was followed by a loud laugh.

They finished up in the store. Quatre bought the set, just to spite Duo, and already threatened sending him selfies every day while wearing the shirt. As they headed back towards the parking garage, Quatre bumped his shoulder into Duo's arm and said with a comforting tone: "I know you'll find someone. You're not a lonely sock."

Duo chuckled. "Thanks. But women aren't exactly clamoring to be with me." It was true. He'd like to think of himself as an attractive guy. He was tall, with broad shoulders and big arms, he had a good jawline and kind eyes; and with a wardrobe of almost exclusively black jeans and plaid shirts, he wasn't an adventurous dresser, but he dressed himself well enough. Yet he really had to work for it if he wanted to get a woman to agree to go on that first date with him; after that, it would usually be smooth sailing until they both realized they were a poor match – part of the problem was that Duo no longer felt like putting in the effort.

"That's just because of the gay vibes," Quatre said as they both loaded the shopping bags into the back of the car. "Take today, for example. You spent the entire day shopping with me – carrying my bags and drinking Frappuccino."

"I like spending time with you and I like Frappuccino," he defended. "Besides, shopping is my cardio."

"And that's fine. But we live in a world based on stereotypes, Duo," his blond friend continued tentatively. "You are not the epitome of the straight man."

"Women don't want to be with me because they think I'm gay?"

"Maybe."

"Aren't they supposed to like sensitive men?"

Quatre snorted. "Duo, please. As if I would know what women like. Aside from the Gucci Fall Collection, that is. But I do know there is a matching sock out there for everyone," he said with a wink, "and you will find that girl who will appreciate your kindness, your sensitivity and your hair conditioner." He walked around the car to get behind the wheel.

"I do have great hair conditioner," Duo agreed jokingly and pulled his long, soft braid of hair over his shoulder. He climbed into the passenger seat and let Quatre drop him off at the apartment.


X


Heero was in the kitchen, making kushiyaki with soba noodle soup. Duo was keeping him company, after he finished setting the table. He stood with the small of his back leaned against the kitchen counter and his arms crossed in front of his chest. He watched Heero standing at the stove, stirring the noodle soup and adding the final ingredients. He liked watching him cook; Heero's eyebrows would pinch together in concentration and whenever he was using an online recipe, he always did a double take of the instructions on his tablet before adding anything to the pan – it was endearing.

The conversation had died down a little while ago – they had been talking about a new movie that was coming out. They both seemed interested in seeing it, but no matter how obvious Duo hinted that they should go see it together, Heero didn't respond. He didn't understand why Heero didn't want to evolve their friendship beyond the confines of the shared apartment; they got along so well.

Duo got lost in his own thoughts and recapped the conversation he had with Quatre the day before. "Do I give off gay vibes?" He asked out of the blue. It shouldn't have been a non-issue, but he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it.

The Japanese man turned his head slightly and was unfazed by the question. With a slight quirk of the corner of his mouth, his answer was simple: "Yes."

Duo paused in thought for a moment. "To women too?"

Heero shrugged. "I suppose so."

Duo chewed on the inside of his cheek. What did I expect? He asked himself, a little irked now that he had gotten the answer he didn't want. If he were gay, it wouldn't bother him. He had no reason to think he wouldn't be as accepting of his own sexuality as he was of Quatre's, Trowa's, Heero's, and of his many other gay friends and acquaintances. It wasn't about a discomfort with homosexuality – it was about apparently attracting the wrong kind of person.

"I thought you knew," Heero added, catching on to his inner turmoil.

"To an extent. I always knew other guys assumed I was gay. I just didn't think women would also be so quick to judge."

"Everyone is quick to judge," his roommate said matter-of-factly. "We're hardwired that way. You can call Darwin and ask him to thank evolution for that. But just because someone is quick to judge, doesn't mean you can't prove them wrong."

"Yeah, but I'm guessing my below-average interest in the women I've dated in the last few years isn't really 'proving them wrong'. Oh God, they probably all think I'm a closet homo."

"Taste this," Heero interjected, bringing a spoon to his mouth, his hand cupped under it to make sure the broth wouldn't spill. "Tell me if it needs more salt."

"You're the chef," Duo argued.

"Yes, but you're the guy always complaining about how it's 'too salty' or 'not salty enough'."

"You're being a little too salty right now," he joked. He rolled his eyes as his attempt at humorous use of slang was received with an indifferent expression. He opened his mouth so Heero could feed him the spoonful. "Nnn, it's hot."

"Yeah, but is it good?"

"Just needs a pinch more."

Heero smirked. "Good thing I asked, huh?"

"You know, it didn't use to be like this," Duo continued.

"Hm?" Heero was focused on adding more salt to the recipe.

"Dating. My sex-life."

"Ah."

"It used to be hot and steamy, when I was younger. Twenty, twenty-five, you know? You can bet your ass I 'proved them wrong' back then. Every woman I met was a woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know what happened."

"You got older."

"How dare you!" Duo jested, pretending to be offended.

"When you get older you want different things out of a relationship." Heero divided the broth between two white ceramic bowls and carried them to the table, asking Duo to bring the plate of kushiyaki: skewered meat and vegetables.

"I guess… But women want the same thing, right? Someone to spend their life with?" He fetched them both a bottle of beer before sitting down at the table across from Heero.

"As if I know what women want."

Duo laughed, so hard and abruptly that it startled his roommate. "Quatre made the exact same joke last week."

"I guess that explains why I'm friends with him."

Yeah, but not with me… "But he also made a joke about Gucci and I know you're more of a Loewe guy," he joked and dipped his spoon into the noodle soup, but he froze at the odd look Heero was giving him. "What?"

"That's the sort of stuff you aren't supposed to notice," he said with a smirk.

"It's not like I wear fancy brands myself. My most expensive shoes are my Nike running shoes and I got them on sale."

Heero shook his head at him, smiling and took his first bite.

They ate in silence for a while, enjoying the meal, until Duo could no longer contain his curiosity and he asked: "Did you think I was gay?"

"Hmhm," Heero hummed, unable to speak with his mouth full.

Duo grinned. His eyes sparkled mischievously. "What did you think?"

"That you were a total beefcake but probably a power bottom."

He let out a hearty laugh. "And that would have been bad?"

"Of course. There can only be one bottom in a relationship."

Makes sense. Duo couldn't stop grinning. "You totally wanted to fuck me!"

Heero laughed sheepishly. He took a quick swig of his beer to cool down his blush. "The point is, I wanted you to fuck me. I almost went for it too, at that Halloween party."

Duo raised his eyebrows – he had no idea. He always figured Heero was 'too cool' for him anyway. "You might have succeeded; I was really drunk."

Heero went on: "You wore the most hideous speedos ever! Who goes to a Halloween party in speedos and goggles and calls themselves Michael Phelps? But at least you filled them out nicely." His laughter quieted down and he quickly took a bite.

Duo didn't understand why his roommate was embarrassed. Duo wasn't, in fact, he felt flattered. He didn't have to be gay to recognize Heero was extraordinarily beautiful – yes, not just handsome, but honestly beautiful – and it was a boost to his ego that Heero had been interested. It didn't bother him that the Japanese man had mistaken him for being gay, but it was a problem that women made the same misjudgment.

After a few bites, the topic of conversation changed. They finished their meals and Heero helped him with the dishes, drying everything off and putting it back where it belonged. As per usual, on a Sunday, they ended up on the couch and Duo surfed through Netflix until he found an old, laughable movie of any genre that they could marvel at and ridicule. They drank a couple of beers, bickered over whose turn it had been to do groceries that weekend – because whoever's turn it was, they had forgotten and now they were out of Cool Ranch Doritos, which Duo was not okay with – and after the credits rolled, Duo suggested they watch the sequel as well, but Heero went to bed. Duo watched about twenty minutes of the second movie and then also headed for his bedroom.


X


"So, where did Quatre fly off to this time?" Hilde asked as the waiter put her lunch in front of her – Duo's treat.

"What do you mean?" He wasted no time attacking his chicken wrap with mango chutney. He preferred a greasy lunch at a fast food place, but this was Hilde's favorite lunchroom.

She scoffed and took a delicate bite of her cold pasta salad. "Please. Whenever Quatre is out of town, you call me and take me out for a nice lunch."

He chuckled and admitted: "Hawaii. He won't be back until next week." And Duo had been lonely without his best friend.

"Hm, nice."

"Him and Trowa-" he paused to properly chew and swallow, "It's their ten-year anniversary."

"Wow. Leave it to the gays to find the secret to a successful relationship."

"We have a good relationship," Duo remarked, looking up to gauge her reaction.

"We fucked for a long weekend at Coachella when we were twenty-three," Hilde replied, wondering what could possibly be 'good' about that. "You gave me shit all weekend about being a lousy drunk. And you gave me chlamydia."

"You gave me chlamydia!" He ducked his head when he realized his raised voice had drawn the attention of every other guest at the restaurant. Thankfully, Hilde wasn't easily embarrassed and she laughed it off. "Anyway, what I meant was: we still managed to stay friends."

"A friendship is not the same as a relationship. Besides, I pitied you. If not for me, you'd literally have no straight friends."

"Bullshit," he said, not because what she said was factually wrong, but because he knew she stayed friends with him out of more than pity. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"Meh, no one special."

He chewed his wrap thoughtfully, dipping it into the last of the chutney and then washing it down with his fizzy drink. He watched his friend chase the last few pieces of pasta across her plate. Ignoring alarm bells going off in his head, he wiped his mouth with the napkin from his lap and started: "You know, since you're not really seeing anyone and I'm not seeing anyone… Maybe… Maybe we could-"

Hilde raised her fork and pointed it at him in warning. "Stop right there. Look, I don't mind that you call on me to keep you company when Quatre is out of town. That's fine and I get a free lunch to boot. But I am not going to take another stab at a relationship with you because you're lonely."

"Why not? We get along so well and the sex was really good. Besides, think of all the free dinners and movies."

"We fought like cats and dogs and the sex wasn't that good."

"I don't remember it like that," he muttered.

"Honey," she reached across the table and covered his hand with hers, "let's not ruin a great friendship by trying to change it into something it's not. If it was meant to be, it would have happened six years ago."

"I know." He sighed and shook his head at himself. "I don't know what I'm thinking."

"I know what's going on."

He looked up at her with big, hopeful eyes. "You do?"

"It's about turning thirty," she simply said. "You only have a couple of months left in your twenties, you feel the clock ticking."

"That's such a chick-thing. I don't care about getting older," Duo argued, "I care that I haven't had a real relationship in – fuck, like – like the last four years. I was just thinking about a time I was with someone that I really wanted to be with, that made me feel like I wanted more, like I could never get enough. Nowadays, I just go through the song and dance of a couple of dates, but at the end of a long evening – sex or no sex – I just want to go home."

"Four years, huh?" Hilde took a sip of her ice tea.

"Yeah, something like that." He made a vague gesture. "I think Arabella was the last girl that I felt that way about and we broke it off a little while before my twenty-sixth birthday."

"Hn," she hummed mysteriously and took another sip.

Duo glared at her. "What?"

She looked uncomfortable all of a sudden and that worried Duo, because for the past six years they had a friendship where he felt they could tell each other everything, and it certainly seemed like she didn't want to be honest with him in that moment.

"Come on, tell me," he pressed. "You owe me at least that much; I'm paying for lunch."

"I was just thinking… isn't that around the same time you got the apartment with Heero?"

He blinked, unable to connect the dots. "I guess that was somewhere around then."

Hilde turned her head to look out the window and played with her earring, betraying her inexplicable nervousness.

"What are you saying, exactly?"

"Don't take this the wrong way," she prefaced and then answered his question: "Don't you think it's interesting that once you started living with Heero, you've lost interest in 'more' and just want to go home? Home," she emphasized, "Where Heero is?"

Duo let out a short laugh.

"Oh, it's funny, huh?"

"Yeah, it's funny. I'm not gay. If I was, I'm pretty sure I would have gotten the hint by now, since, how did you put it? I only have 'a couple of months left in my twenties'?" He shook his head and flagged down the waiter to get the check.

"Just because you're not gay doesn't mean you're straight by default," Hilde uttered. From her expression, it was apparent that she didn't want to start a fight, but that she also couldn't stay silent. Out of whatever friendly duty, it was clear she felt like she had to point it out to him. "Sexuality isn't black and white, Duo."

"If you're going to say it's 'fifty shades of grey', I'm going to scream."

She didn't even give him a courtesy laugh for his joke amidst the awkward conversation. "What I'm saying is: there's a spectrum."

"Mm, I think I saw that movie too; Liam Neeson was in it, right? Some professor or something?" He tried to brush off the silly notion.

She misinterpreted his curt response. "I don't think there's a need for you to get offended. Aren't you supposed to be the open-minded, evolved guy?"

"I'm not offended that you think I could be gay – or 'gay-ish', or 'gay-adjacent'," he informed her, trying to keep his tone light, "I'm offended that you think I could be so stupid that – as a twenty-nine-year-old, surrounded by gay guys since I was fourteen and was basically adopted by Quatre's folks – I haven't figured out yet that I could be attracted to a guy." He reached for the bill that the waiter had placed on the table in silence, but Hilde's hand met his.

"I'm not saying you're stupid," she insisted. "I'm saying Heero might be special."

"…" He wanted to say something clever to prove her wrong, but all words died in his throat.

"Duo, you are the open-minded, evolved guy. I definitely think it's possible for you to fall for an individual, as opposed to a gender. You probably have a very strong preference for women, which is why no other guy ever struck your fancy, but Heero could be the exception to your heterosexuality."

Duo frowned at her. She seemed to have given the issue quite a bit of thought. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

She smiled, recognizing he was no longer being blindly defensive. "Remember your twenty-seventh birthday? At the Moroccan restaurant?"

"Yeah."

"You had invited Heero, because you wanted the two of you to be friends, not just roommates. You spent the entire evening watching the door, but he didn't show. You were really disappointed."

"Well, yeah… but-…" He stopped himself. He couldn't come up with a 'but'.

"You wanted to be closer to him. I think it was the start of a crush manifesting itself. You talk about him a lot too, you probably don't even realize it. I feel like I know the guy, even though I've only met him once in passing-"

"Yeah, because he's too cool to be my friend and meet my friends," he groused.

"See, right there," Hilde exclaimed, "That bitterness. You sound like a woman scorned."

He blinked at her. It was such an unexpected turn of events. "Why are you telling me all this now?"

"Because of what you said. Before, you used to look for 'more' with the women you were dating, but the past few years you've only been looking for 'more' with Heero." She made a sympathetic face, understanding that this was coming out of nowhere for him. "I had to say something."

He leaned back in his seat and looked around himself, a little dazed. He looked at a threesome of beautiful women seated one table over, leaning in to share a secret and laugh, with their pretty small hands covering their red and bright pink lips. Then he looked past them, at the waiter who had previously – politely inconspicuous – brought the check to his table; handsome, with black hair slicked back and wiry forearms. The waiter was no Heero Yuy, but could anyone really be so special that they could awake a completely novel and untapped side of someone's sexuality, after nearly thirty years?

Maybe, Duo thought to himself. The same way you could be dating your entire life and then suddenly run into the one, unlocking a new depth of feelings. There was that one special person out there for everyone, it was just a little jarring to have it pointed out to you that you were looking in the wrong direction. It was like he had been trying to solve a math problem his entire life only to have the teacher point out to him that he had been mistaking a 1 for a 7.

He felt self-conscious. He'd always boasted being a man of the twenty-first century – in touch with his emotions and unafraid of them – but he might have spent the last four years looking for something that was right in front of him. The way Heero could look for his keys while he was holding them in his hand, when he was about to leave for a date and he was nervous. Duo frowned. Why did he know that? Why did he see that?

He looked across the table, at his only straight friend. There was a gentle smile on her face as she could see her message hit home.

"This is weird."

"I know."

"I'm not entirely convinced you're right…"

"But?"

He chuckled sheepishly.

"I think I should pay this time," Hilde said and she produced her wallet from her purse.

"Yeah, I think that's only fair."

They parted ways in front of the restaurant. He would have asked her to come see a movie with him, but after she truth-bombed him, he had a lot to think about.


X


Duo did think about it and he came to the conclusion that Hilde was wrong. He understood she meant well and he could see where she was coming from, but she had misunderstood his desire for 'more' with Heero. Yes, he did want 'more'; he wanted them to be friends, genuine friends, to go out and show up at each other's fucking birthday parties, that was all. None of his interest in Heero was fueled by sexual desire. He accepted that what she said was possible, that people weren't necessarily fully straight or fully gay and that there could be exceptions to the rules of attraction. He actually liked the idea of humans being so evolved that sexual and romantic interest could be about the qualities of the individual, not their biological make-up; and in a way, he wished that was the case for him, since it would open up a whole new realm of possibility for his love life. But he decided she was wrong about him.

So what if he had long hair, gay friends, and didn't mind going shopping and drinking Frappuccino's? He was also a muscular motorcycle enthusiast, making a living getting his hands dirty as a mechanic and drank beer like water. And he liked women. He liked the curved shape of their bodies, their soft breasts, their painted lips and their small hands. He just couldn't stand the thought of settling down with any of them for the past four years – it was purely coincidental that that timeframe coincided with him moving in with Heero. Maybe Hilde's first guess was correct. His detachment and disinterest in long-term relationships probably had to do with him approaching the big 3-0. He was getting older, reaching that age when you're supposed to be honing in on a lifelong mate and he was just rebelling; he just had some more wild oats to sow. He was still too young for marriage and babies.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

His colleague had caught him off guard and Duo nearly flung the wrench he had been swinging back and forth across the shop.

"I thought you took the week off," Jamie dug his blackened hands into the pockets of his blue overalls and eyed him with a quirked eyebrow. "Weren't you here yesterday as well?"

"Yeah…" He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I just figured I'd use the time to work on my baby." He nodded at his black motorcycle that was parked in the corner. The owner of the shop let Duo store his bike there, since his building didn't have a secured parking facility, and he was free to use the resources of the shop to give her a tune-up.

"Okay, but if you came down here to work on your bike, why are you just standing there playing with a wrench and looking at thin air?" He challenged with a chuckle.

"Just thinking. I- I have some stuff on my mind."

"Oh." Jamie immediately got uncomfortable. He was one of those 'fully straight' guys who got intimidated by the thought of an intimate conversation, especially with another man. "That's cool. I'll leave you to it."

Duo waved him off with the wrench he was holding. He leaned back against the stripped body of a 1979 Alfa Romeo Spider, and cast a guilty look to his bike in the corner that he hadn't even laid a single hand on since he walked into the classic auto repair shop over two hours ago. The truth was, he needed to get out of the apartment for a little while.

Wrong as she may have been, Hilde's remark still threw him for a loop. He didn't want people to think he was in love with his roommate when he clearly wasn't. He thought about all of his dates in the past four years and how many of them he had ended up introducing to Heero. Did all of them check out of the short-lived relationship, pitying him because they thought he was secretly in love with his roommate as well? It was one thing for people to mistakenly think he was gay, but it was another for them to think there was a specific – male – individual he was interested in. He imagined all the women of the city coming together in weekly clandestine meetings and spreading the word: go on a couple of dates with Duo Maxwell – he takes you out to a nice restaurant, holds doors for you like a gentleman, and is fairly generous in the bedroom – but bear in mind that he is in love with Heero Yuy.

The scary thing was, whenever an awkward silence fell over his date, he filled that void with talk of his roommate. It was an effortless topic to talk about. He'd tell the women about the indie movies Heero worked on as an editor, the amazing meals he cooked them, and the silly movies they watched together. It was just a way for him to fill the silence; he couldn't stand the quiet. The only silence that didn't make his hands itch was the silence between him and Heero, and he probably told his dates that incriminating fact too…

Scarier still was that his pseudo "bromance" might've given Heero the wrong impression of him as well. Was that why the Japanese man didn't want to be friends with him?

Anyway, his planned vacation couldn't have come at a worse time: right at the same time as Heero's. Whatever was at the root of his interest in his roommate, it wasn't helping his chances at finding a woman who believed him when he said he wasn't gay; it wasn't helping his dating life. He needed to take a step back.

Heero doesn't want to be friends? That's cool, he told himself and rearranged his drawer of tools for the fifth time. It's not like I'm obsessed with the guy. I have better things to do than watch movies with him. But he didn't, not really. Which was why he was wasting his much-needed vacation hiding out in the shop.

A long whistle echoed through the mostly quiet shop – it was a slow day – the kind of whistle shameless men do when they see a woman they like, but this sounded sarcastic, like a mockery. Duo felt the steel pliers he was holding slip down in his grip as his palm got sweaty.

Heero spotted him and made a beeline towards him, ignoring the mocking catcall of a primitive coworker. His black jeans were so tight they looked painted onto his skin. The black, flowy blouse with high collar he had probably found in the women's section of the store fell nicely off his narrow, angular shoulders. He had the front of it tucked into his jeans – the jeans that left little to the imagination. The shoes he wore were his favorite pair: black booties with a heel. All stuff Duo wasn't supposed to know and wasn't supposed to notice. But he did and he enjoyed the sight of his slender figure in the off-beat, androgynous fashion.

"Hey, you got a minute?" His roommate asked, coming to stand in front of him, his steel gaze fixed on him.

"Uhm… Yup. Yeah. Sure." He put the pliers in their rightful spot and wiped his hands on his work-jeans. He made an effort to focus his gaze on Heero's face once he noticed the fabric of the blouse was semi-transparent.

"I don't know if you know, but my birthday is next week-"

"I remember when your birthday is, Heero," he interjected with a light chuckle.

"Okay. Anyway, usually I just have dinner with a couple of friends, but Quatre insists on throwing me this big 'birthday bash'," he rolled his eyes at the idea. "Something about how he was 'robbed' of organizing a party for my twenty-fifth, and that we should make the best of the date falling on a Saturday."

Duo chuckled. Quatre's enthusiasm could be tiresome sometimes, but he had the hosting skills to back it up.

"Since he's your friend too and it's gonna be at his place, I thought maybe you'd want to come?" He shrugged.

"You're inviting me to your birthday party?" The mechanic was stunned. Thanks to his unsettling conversation with Hilde, he briefly thought back to his own, horrible birthday, when he had extended a casual invitation to his roommate but he never showed. He had never invited him since, to spare himself the disappointment, and Heero had never invited him to any of his birthday celebrations to begin with.

"If you want," he said casually. "Quatre is inviting so many people, I don't even know most of them… If you need to think about it-"

"No! Not at all. I'd love to come to your party." He frowned at his own unbridled excitement, like he was a teenager invited to sit with the cool kids.

"Alright. I'll have the 'hostess with the mostest' put you on the guest-list," the Japanese man flashed a smile. "You should probably bring a date. I don't think there will be many other straight people."

"I'll bring Hilde," he rushed to say. He wasn't going to ruin the evening by bringing a date who couldn't sustain his interest. "I'll finally get to properly introduce you two."

Heero nodded, he didn't appear particularly thrilled.

"But… did you come all the way down here just to invite me? You could have told me this tonight."

"Oh, right," he shook his head as he remembered the main reason for stopping by. "I have a date tonight. I'm gonna cook for him so, I was wondering if you could-"

Duo grinned. "I'll make myself scarce."

"Thanks. He's coming over at eight."

"No problem. I'm gonna stick around here, work out later, and I was thinking about having dinner at Quatre's anyway. Should I ask him to have one of the guest bedrooms prepared?"

"Oh no, he's not spending the night."

"So, you're gonna cook for him, huh? That means you really like him." Something else I'm not supposed to notice, as a non-friend?

In spite of his sour mood, a smile appeared on his face and he tucked a lock of his wild brown hair behind his ear. "I guess that's true."

"How long have you been seeing him?"

"Little over a month."

"That's great! When do I get to meet the fella?"

Heero chuckled sheepishly. Duo's interest in his love-life always made him uncomfortable; he wasn't used to a straight guy being so casual with regards to 'the gay-thing'. "I suppose you'll meet him at the birthday party."

"Great! Can't wait!" Duo didn't know why he felt the need to act so overly excited about the prospect. "Have fun tonight."

"I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Later." He waved halfheartedly. He watched the movements of Heero's hips as he walked away until he rounded a corner and disappeared from sight. Sure, he looked, but there was nothing sexual about that. Right?

Duo soon ditched the workshop and drove his motorcycle out to Quatre's mansion in the countryside, where the rich heir to a multi-million-dollar company – currently still run by his father, leaving the blond too much spare time – was preparing the birthday celebration. He stayed for dinner and listened to Quatre as he described everything he had planned for the party: decorative lampoons in the garden, an open bar, the formal sitting room would be cleared for dancing, and he had already hired the professional DJ – some kid from Amsterdam, a supposed up-and-comer. Duo shared looks with a characteristically quiet Trowa across the dinner table. The tall, lean, former athlete just smiled.

He left the mansion at ten o'clock. Quatre wanted him to be home before dark; he said Duo riding that 'crotch-rocket' made him nervous. The long-haired man put on his helmet and promised he was going straight home, since a little white lie never hurt anybody. He took the scenic route, to give Heero the privacy in their apartment that he was expecting. Duo followed the winding roads through the countryside and patches of forest for about an hour and a half before stopping at a gas station, and then turning back towards the city. He parked his motorcycle at the shop, using the key he had been entrusted with, and rode his second-hand ten-speed bike back to the apartment.

Still in his greasy work-jeans and protective leather jacket, he arrived home at a little after midnight. The apartment smelled of food, wine and dish soap; Heero was still cleaning up.

"Hey," Duo greeted, nearly tripping over himself as he tried to rid himself of his clunky boots.

"Hey."

"If you cook a guy a romantic dinner, shouldn't he at least stay and help you clean up?" He walked into the kitchen, grabbed a dishtowel and started drying off the plates and wineglasses that Heero had washed.

"You don't have to do that."

"It's fine. Seriously, why didn't he help?" He looked his way and, beyond his control, his gaze dipped down to the nipples that were visible through his black blouse. He blinked and forced himself to look up.

"He had to leave early. I didn't want us to waste any time doing dishes."

"Hm." Duo nodded in understanding.

"Thanks for the help. There are some rice dumplings left, if you want."

"I'm happy to help. And I'll be happy to eat those rice dumplings."

They stood shoulder to shoulder and finished with the last of the pans. Heero drained the sink and Duo put away the cutlery.

Out of curiosity the shorter man asked: "Did Quatre show any restraint in planning my party?"

Duo laughed. "Nope. He's even flying in some DJ from Amsterdam."

Heero snorted in response. "Oh God."

"Thanks for inviting me."

"Oh, yeah. I just thought it would be weird for you if your best friend was going to be busy all week planning a party that you weren't invited to."

"Hn." A pity-invite. Great. "What do you want for your birthday?"

Heero leaned back against the counter. "You don't have to get me anything."

"Of course I do. I can't show up to the party empty-handed; Quatre would kill me – it's not 'proper'."

"Well, if it's just to save yourself from Quatre's wrath, anything is fine." He glanced at the clock on the oven, thanked Duo again for his help with the dishes, and then announced he was going to bed.

Duo didn't feel tired yet; he felt warm and his heart was racing, probably still the rush of adrenaline from his motorcycle ride. He got two rice dumplings from the fridge, along with a bottle of beer, and settled himself on the couch. The thought of coming up with a present to give Heero was daunting. What was he supposed to give? It couldn't be anything too nice, he really had to stop giving off the wrong impression. But it couldn't be anything stupid either; he cared about Heero – as a platonic, non-friend roommate – and he wanted to be invited again next year, really invited. At some point, he fished his phone out of his pocket and literally googled:

Birthday presents for a guy that don't make you seem gay.

The internet wasn't always as helpful as he needed it to be.


How do you feel about the weekly updates? :)

See you next Sunday!


Chapter Two – Waiting For The Other Sock To Drop will post on 01/15/2017