It started faintly but as Poland started to come closer he could see Lithuania in the middle of the rye fields looking at the horizon quietly. The wind was blowing softly on his light brown hair and he seemed so calm on that moment that Poland couldn't help but smile. The Lithuanian was always worried about something, always concerned and that gave him some stomach aches but seeing him right there so peaceful was something worth looking at, Poland thought. Lithuania was his dear friend deep down and even though he tormented him a bit he actually cared for him. On his own polish way of course. He wanted them to be closer to have something that would always connect them but what?...

He frowned for a bit pondering. He could give him some necklace or something but he doubted that Lithuania would appreciate the same kind of necklaces that he liked and besides that Poland didn't wanted something physical. He wanted beyond that, something special that couldn't be touched but they both knew it was always there. And then it stroke him.

- Liet I've made a decision! – he shouted loudly making the Lithuanian turn to look at him a bit suspiciously.

- Please tell me that it does not include painting all the animals of your country pink… Because I've already explained to you why that can't be.

- Like Liet that idea is soooo last day! Update yourself and totally listen to me! – was it possible that Liet was always so suspicious of him? Alright it was true he had his reasons but that was no time to joke around!

- Fine fine… What is it?

- We should have like a meeting spot on your country! – Poland smiled happily with his idea. It might not seem much but he knew how much Liet loved a certain place that was already special to him so he wanted to make it even more special.

- Meeting spot? But Poland it's not that hard to find me…

- Like it totally is! I can never find you at first try and I get bored and tired and your capital is like totally confusing to walk around and Pony totally doesn't like crowded places and I totally don't like them either! I totally want a quieter place to meet you! – he said determinately.

- I suppose it's alright… Very well you have any idea?

- Tak! (Yes) On that sacred forest of yours that you told me! You know, the one where that wolf appeared to your king and all that stuff about your capital. And don't tell me because it's sacred I can't totally go in!

- So you did listened to my story!

- Like Liet I totally told you that I did~ - Poland purred a bit, he liked to tease the Lithuanian and see how red he got every single time he talked like that.

- Well you started doing that weird thing so I thought…

- I always listen to you Liet. I totally like listen to you talking.

- Ah… W-Well… Thank you. I'm glad to know that you listen to me.

- Of course that it doesn't mean that I totally do everything you say~

- Oh trust me I've noticed that a long time ago

- Anyway enough of this can it be on your forest or what?

- Alright Poland if you want to be on the forest let it be on the forest, but let me warn you that that place is big and I don't know if you…

- I want it to be on a special place Liet. A special place for you. So I want it to be on the Hill of Crosses.

He woke up suddenly in the dark of his room, breathless. Again with the same dream. Every single night he would dream with Lithuania and every single night he would wake up with the bitter taste of regret on his mouth and a painful heavy weight on his chest.

- Like I get it I was stupid… I shouldn't had let him go… - he turned around to his right staring at the silence blackness of his room – I totally laughed at him… I mocked him and I didn't helped him when he needed to…

He was caught by the Russian years later too but even when they were together again, Poland never had the guts for truly speaking with Lithuania about what happened, how he was truly sorry, how he shouldn't had laughed and…

- I totally love you…

"Even if you, like, hate me...It totally doesn't change that I like you"

Now he could see how much he really meant those words because when he said them Poland didn't thought thoroughly about their meaning he just said it without wondering much about them.

- "So why don't I do something about it?..." – Poland asked himself for the billionth time – "It's because I'm totally a coward right?... Like I can never say what I mean for real… Except when it's to mess up things I'm like a totally genius on it"

But Lithuania was fine now, wasn't he? He saw it on TV, he was finally free from the Soviet Union, he had won his independence so he should be happy. He remembered how he wouldn't get out in the front of the TV between the days of 11 and 13 of January. He had to know, he had to see everything. His heart wouldn't stop pounding it was his Liet that was there, he couldn't miss it. He didn't slept or moved from there, he drank every word that was said and prayed that it would end quickly and without much fuss.

On the 13th of January his clock was marking 00:50 when his heart skipped a beat. Tanks and soldiers gathered around the TV tower of Vilnius while shots were fired against to civilians, which made Poland gasp in panic while seeing 13 bodies fall on the ground lifeless, 2 of them crushed by tanks

- Mój Boże… (My God) - he muttered lowly twisting his fingers scared about what would happen next – Liet…

Suddenly it echoed a voice in Lithuanian on several speakers, coming directly from the TV tower: "Broliai lietuviai, nacionalistų ir separatistų vyriausybė, kuri priešpastatė save liaudžiai, nuversta. Eikite pas savo tėvus, vaikus!" (Brother Lithuanians! The nationalist and separatist government which confronted the people has been overthrown! Go [home] to your parents and children!)

He understood enough Lithuanian to know what it was transmitted and on that moment Poland swore that he had a blank. He only remembered to snap out of it minutes later, his heart felt like it dropped at his feet. Was it really over? Lithuania was free?...

At 1:00 he started to panic again, more shots were fired into the building over the heads of the civilians, the TV live broadcast was interrupted and the last image Poland saw was a soviet soldier running towards the camera and turning it off.

- Nie! (No) Fucking hell! – he got up and he was ready to go to Liet he had to see if he was alright.

- Stop right there! – his boss held him by his arm – You are not going anywhere Feliks!

- Let me go I have to! I have totally to do something this time!

- There's nothing you can do you can't just go there as you please! You are a country think of the implications! Think of your people!

He slammed his hands against the table, trying not to break down and cry in front of his boss. All his body was shaking and he could feel the warm tears on his eyes. Poland knew all of that and he couldn't stand to see his people hurt again, he'd rather die to see any of them hurt. That was the price of being a country personification, you would live forever but you couldn't afford to be selfish to the point to put your population in danger.

- Once again…. I-I'm… Leaving you totally behind Liet…. Like I can never do anything for you….. – he stuttered, feeling the tears falling on the table but he wasn't caring anymore, the despair and the inability of helping the person he loved the most overwhelmed the polish.

- Feliks… - his boss tried to console him by putting his hand on his shoulder – I know it's very hard for you but…

- Nie możesz wiedzieć… (You don't know) It's been like centuries… Centuries that I have totally been letting him down… But you're totally right… I can't interfere for the sake of my people… All I can do is wait for a miracle…

He shifted to the left on his bed remembering the rest of the night.

The transmission came back thanks to a small studio, pleading for anyone who could to broadcast what was happening. Hours later it was worldwide and in the morning, Poland's long wait was over when he saw him. Suddenly and out of nowhere Toris appeared. Lithuania was alright, he looked exhausted and with some wounds that were bleeding a bit but he was fine.

- You're totally ok… - he mumbled relieved, thanking god under his breath trying to not cry again.

A huge crowd was concentrated in front of Supreme Council building, making anti-tank barricades and his Liet at its head orienting everyone.

It was a while since Poland saw Lithuania stand tall and with a fierce and determined expression on his face. For once he and all the world could see the fire on Toris eyes and Feliks knew on that moment that the iron wolf would not be overwhelmed again. On the snow, the crowds sang in unison and Liet accompanied them without moving from his spot right in front of his people, despite some tanks and military cars started to move against them but it was useless and in the end the Soviet military forced retreated and Lithuania was its own independent country once again.

Last thing Poland saw before turning the TV off breathless and shaking due to nerves and stress was Toris being overwhelmed by his people hugging him and his face with some tears running off and the happiest of the smiles.

Feliks smiled bitterly on the dark remembering all of it.

- Like sometimes I totally forget… That you totally don't need my help anymore Liet… You needed once and I failed but now you are fine…

"Poland how can you be so selfish sometimes?" – Lithuania's voice echoed on his head – Am I being totally selfish Liet?... Do I want to help you because like deep down I want totally for you to need me?...

The silence fell on that room, crushing and terrifying but after minutes looking directly on the eyes of the darkness Poland got up suddenly off his bed almost tripping on the rug of his room to turn on the lights.

- Jestem tym zmęczony! (I'm tired of this) – his reflection on the mirror showed a messy blond hair and dark shadows under his green eyes but for once Feliks couldn't care a bit about his looks – I'm totally sick of wondering and pondering about the "ifs" and the "buts" I'm like going to finish this!

(I hope you all liked the first chapter, sorry for being so dramatic and serious for now but the fluff part will come don't worry. I know that we are not used to see Poland so serious because he's such a lively character but I actually enjoyed writing and exploring this side of him, it's not something that we see everyday but he has his ghosts but he keeps them hidden. This will probably be two chapters but let's see if I can write more than it. Reviews are more than welcome thank you!)