Attention Whore

"I'm gay." Harry Potter suddenly declared one morning over breakfast, calmly wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"That's nice, Harry." Hermione said absentmindedly as she turned another page in her well-read copy of Hogwarts a History.

Ron sort of grunted, far too busy shoveling food down his mouth to give a proper response.

Harry pouted. "Hey! I'm serious! I'm totally gay! Aren't you guys even a little bit surprised? Shocked? Disgusted? Touched by how difficult this must have been for me? I just divulged something secret about me that might change how you guys look at me forever."

Ron swallowed his mouthful of eggs and snorted. "Oh, please. All you've divulged to us this breakfast is that you're a melodramatic attention whore, Harry. And we knew that already."

"Am not!" Harry cried indignantly.

"I'm afraid Ron's right, Harry. You are a bit of a melodramatic attention whore. But we still love you despite that." Hermione said with placating tone of voice as she took a sip of tea.

For a moment Harry glared at his two so called best friends before he shot up from his seat.

"I'm going." Harry said, looking very determined.

"Please don't do anything stupid." Hermione said.

"I wasn't going to!"

"Oh please. I know that expression. You were probably planning to head off and find some poor boy to ravage so that you could prove how 'gay' you are." Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

For a moment Harry just stood there, put on the spot and embarrassed at being seen through so quickly and easily. He then drew himself up and stormed off, deciding that he'd find some boy to ravage anyways. Hermione sighed with exasperation and Ron continued eating, completely unfazed by the fact that his best mate was planning on molesting some innocent soul just to prove a point.

Hermione closed her precious book and stuffed it into her book bag that was already almost overflowing with tons of other books that she simply couldn't pry herself away from for even a single moment.

"I'm heading off to the library, see you later Ron."

Ron continued- of course -eating. At least he glanced at her, briefly acknowledging her existence despite the fact that there was a perfectly edible delicious breakfast sitting right in front of him. Now that was love right there.

Hermione exited the cafeteria. She smiled when the Headmaster passed her.

"Hello Professor Dumbledore." She said pleasantly. Just like the annoying little teacher's pet she was. Bitch…

"Why hello Miss Granger!" Dumbledore said energetically, waving a well-manicured hand in her direction with an overly limp wrist.

And then he pranced into the cafeteria in his glittery, colorful robes like the gay little fairy he was.

Hermione shook her head good-naturedly and continued walking towards the library. She pretended not to notice Harry serenading a highly confused and embarrassed looking Neville Longbottom in the middle of the hallway. It was best not to encourage him.

She wasn't quite sure why, but somehow Cedric's death two years ago had had some quite… weird effects on Harry. He'd been so traumatized that he'd leaped right across the sullen sad stage of mourning to outright weirdness. He wasn't quite insane. Just radically different from how he had been before. Hermione and Ron had quickly gotten used to it. Harry was their best friend after all. And therefore they should stand by him and his crazy, attention seeking, melodramatic, weird and unpredictable ways. No matter what.

But she couldn't help thinking, as an explosion was heard from the cafeteria that she had just exited, that that certainly didn't explain the insanity that had taken over the rest of the school in varying degrees for no explainable reason that she could see.