Dear writers and readers of the website ,
We, the citizens of the town of South Park, knew of the existence of Fanfiction, and of our television show since it began when I was eight years old. We have since read (between us) every story on that website. The only person that couldn't was Stan Marsh. He couldn't help vomiting at most of your stories.
I agree with his reaction to it. First of all, I would never have sex with Butters. Sadly a 'Bunny' story was the first that I ever read. I gagged for nearly an hour. Have I been acting gay, or is it just something that you noticed? Are you so obsessed with the thought that some of us are gay for each other that you'll pull random creations out of your ass or what? Like Dip (Damien and Pip). How would the Anti-Christ find time to fuck a little British boy that he murdered for no reason other than to 'fit in', before leaving immediately afterwards?
Are you all horny? Why else would you make it so that the adults occasionally (In your sick little minds) make friends with other adults who rape their children. Or they molest them themselves. I shouldn't be complaining. I've done worse things (Got high on cat pee. You know the story).
And death isn't fun. I don't go say hi to Damien and leave, completely unharmed. I'm tortured constantly. And I never go to Heaven. No one knows, and they probably will never know, that I cannot die.
Please stop killing me. My friends might come upon one of your torture stories and put two and two together and get seven. Last time that happened I was chased by Father Maxi, as he recited chants from the bible, throwing holy water at me.
And why do you torture me, and not Eric Cartman? Is no one offended by his antics, or are we overlooking them? Is he too funny to torture? Am I not funny enough? I'd like to know so I can make you stop pretending that I'm a punching bag for you to take out your teenager angst on.
I won't even dwell on the reactions of my friends. They'll respond themselves if they feel the need to. Hopefully RangerKenny (Who named their self after me, a nice honor) can send their letters to you aswell. Please, no more torturing me and killing me.
Sincerely,
Kenny McCormick, your residential immortal.
A/N Welcome to 'Letters'! I may not necessarily agree with what some of the writers are saying, but it's their opinions not mine. Don't shoot the messenger!
Next letter will be Stan Marsh and later Christophe 'The Mole' DeLorne. See you next time.
