Tobias

When we pull up to the compound, there is no one in sight. That can only mean that they have been reset, that Caleb succeeded. I think of Tris, her eyes misty with tears as she hovers around Caleb's body, and the thought surfaces like a bubble inside me and drives me forward towards the glass doors. With no armed guards, I walk through, feeling an odd sense of quiet drift over me. We walk through the abandoned security checkpoint, my fingernails digging into my palms as I walk through the scanner. This time it doesn't beep, it doesn't light up, and I pretend not to notice it. It's over. The time for fear is over. I can't be afraid of that anymore. I won't.

On the other side of the checkpoint, I see Cara sitting with her face in her hands, clearly waiting for us. For a moment I feel a pang of disappointment. Why wouldn't Tris be here waiting for me? I shake my head to dispel the thought. Tris is probably with her brother, trying to soak up the last moments she will have with her Abnegation family. Cara stands up, and for the first time I notice the side of her face, which is badly bruised. There is a bandage around her head, the middle a filmy dark color where the blood had obviously seeped through. Suddenly dread trickles through my body, adrenaline shooting through my fingertips. Then I realize why. She's not looking at them. She's not smiling as though we've won, as we clearly have. She's looking at me. Just me.

"Tobias." Her words cut through the air like a noose around my neck, and I cough as if to keep myself breathing, to keep myself in the here and now. No, this isn't right. It's over. It's finally over. We can rest now. We can be together now. Tris.

"What happened?" My heart is shuddering, as if it might explode at any second.

"I'm sorry, Tobias," Cara sniffs as she looks up at me, and for a moment I feel my heart stop beating in my chest.

"Where's Tris?" I say.

Cara shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Tobias, she was shot."

I stand still, completely still. Shot? How? Guards? Where was Caleb? Did she go in his place? "Shot?" Christina demands. "Shot how? Is she-?" Christina's shoulders sag forward, as if she can't even bring herself to ask the question.

"She's like, like…" Cara's words trail off as she glances in the direction of the infirmary. Like Uriah. But brain dead or just unconscious?

Before it felt like my heart had stopped beating. Now it was beating, louder than ever, fast and strong and full of panic. I try to ball my hands into fists but I have suddenly become numb all over.

"What happened?" A voice behind me demands. The voice sounds familiar, but I don't register who it belonged to. Suddenly everything around me feels distorted, fuzzy.

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb," Cara says. "She survived the death serum and set off the memory serum but she was shot. Caleb rushed her to the infirmary but she lost a lot of blood and they don't think she's going to make it. I'm so sorry."

I can't imagine Tris dead. I picture her smile when she sees me again, her cheeks bright with tears from Caleb's death, sure, but still wide and alert and happy to see me. Happy to finally start a life with me. She wouldn't go into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb. She realized at the Erudite Headquarters that she didn't want to die. She had forgiven me after everything I had done. She had no reason to-

And then suddenly I understand. I remember her talking about the desire to please her parents, to make them proud, as if that was her dying wish. Was she selfless, risking her life instead of Caleb's, or selfish, leaving me here alone just to fulfill her desire to make her parents proud.

I close my eyes and suddenly I'm transported to the first day of Dauntless initiation, immediately after the Choosing Ceremony. I remember when her body first hit the net, just a gray blur. She jumped first. The Stiff. Even I didn't jump first. Didn't that make her the first, the only, Abnegation transfer to jump first? It shouldn't have made her special. It impressed me, but it's not what made her special. I remember the look in her eyes before she jumped. They were so stern and insistent, ready to face whatever challenge came before her.

That was when I realized how beautiful she was.

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Take me to her."