Title: And That's That
TV Show: Supernatural
Pairing: Wincest
Sometimes, they break. But they break alone, not together. They do their best to keep their feelings together, all alone, never wanting the other to see them hurt. It's supposed to be the usual shit—the hunting job breaking them, and all they've been through—but it isn't. For Sam it is, but for Dean, it isn't. It's not hunting.
It's Sam. It's always Sam.
Why must Dean be so manly that he has to break all alone? He can barely hide his pain sometimes. He does what he has to, to keep it all down. Sometimes, it's just not enough.
It's not what on would expect, either. It's not the fact that Sam nearly went dark side a few times. It's not the demon blood addiction. It's not how many times they've lost each other. It's not the fact that they're both having a hard time coping with life in general.
It's the occasional lapse in judgment that Dean has. It's the fact that he knows it's wrong, and has nearly slipped before. He doesn't want Sam to know. He just can't. But, when you're all each other have… sometimes you wonder.
Dean doesn't do chick-flick moments. He doesn't let himself get all mushy and romantic… not with anyone. He thinks about things he could do, though, that he never will.
He wonders if Sam's hair is really as soft as it looks sometimes. He sees how smooth his face is and wants to brush it with the back of his fingers. His chiseled body… Dean's downright jealous of that. And he's taller than him. Sometimes, he wants to hug Sam and rest his head on his chest and tell him it's alright. Even more so, he wishes Sam would hug him instead, and make his world okay.
And then, there are those lips.
Sam's lips have barely been kissed by anyone. There was Jessica, and a few other girls here and there, but otherwise, he hasn't kissed that many women. Dean has kissed so many girls and filled their holes until he lost track of it all, but he's never had Sam.
There are times when he might have dreams about what those lips can do. He sees Sam as an innocent boy… looking up at him with those kind eyes, filled with naivety… and then removing his clothes and using his mouth on him, making Dean see stars.
And then, there are other times when he would end up fantasizing about Sam playing with himself. He's always hoped to walk in on him and find him fingering himself. That would make his day. Then, Sam would be so desperate that he'd ask Dean to help him out How could he ever say no? After all… he's supposed to take care of Sammy.
And these things are what plague and hurt Dean's heart.
It's wrong, and Sam won't feel the same way back. And they've already hurt each other so much. Why would Sam suddenly be all of the things Dean fantasizes about? They're just fantasies, not reality.
So, when Sam notices him feeling down and getting lost in immoral thoughts and asks him if he's alright, Dean answers.
"I'm fine."
And that's that.
.X.O.X.O.X.
Just a short, angsty, one-sided wincest.
