Author's Note: Spoilers for Dominion and Unending. I felt that Vala seemed truly devastated by what she thought happened to her, too devastated to quickly recover without lingering effect. That idea merged with a wrap up for Unending. Taking place a few weeks after Unending, Vala is having trouble dealing with the memories implanted in her mind and how she reacted to them. Daniel comforts and comes to a realization. Oh so shippy!
Disclaimers: Yes, they are mine! No? They're MGM's? Can I barrow them? Please?
Daniel watched as Vala abandoned her tray on a nearby table and fled the commissary; her face was pale and stricken and her gait was unsteady. Without a word of explanation to the rest of the team, he pushed back his chair, jumped up in the middle of what Col. Mitchell was saying and went after her.
"Hey, where's he going?" Cameron wondered aloud, perturbed at the interruption. "My camping story isn't that dull."
"I don't know," Sam replied looking around the cafeteria, "but Vala's gone too and she was just heading this way." Teal'c raised an eyebrow and Cameron nodded. The team exchanged looks, shrugged and went back to eating. They all knew that wherever Vala had disappeared, Daniel was sure to be close by. That's just how their relationship worked.
Sam was not positive they were even aware of their actions, especially Daniel, but both he and Vala invariably migrated toward each other. Whether it was just the team or in a larger crowd, they usually stayed as near to the other as possible. They virtually always sat side by side at briefings; it didn't matter if Daniel or Vala came in first, they just ended up together.
Lately, Sam also had noticed their tendency to glance over at the other whenever any momentous news or happenings occurred. Somehow, they were better able to gauge and process whatever the situation was together, than on their own.
Mitchell found himself typically pairing them when the team went off world. If anyone asked him why, he gave two reasons. One, their respective skills complemented nicely and, two, he knew they were practically incapable of not watching each other's back. In the early days when forced proximity due to the effects of the bracelets brought constant sessions of sniping and arguing, he never would have expected to see them seek out the company of the other so instinctively.
So far, the arrangement made for smooth missions. Well, as smooth as their missions ever went. Daniel kept Vala from being too reckless and Vala's highly practical side, surprising as that had been to discover, made sure Daniel kept his head out of the clouds or during the times when that was impossible even for her, at least Cameron knew she would protect her charge at all costs.
Teal'c just smiled enigmatically. He had been doing that a lot around Daniel and Vala since they returned from their final meeting with the Asgard.
No one was overly concerned about the pair's unexpected disappearance. The team knew from experience Daniel would shortly be back with Vala in tow.
Daniel, unaware of his predictable nature, checked several corridors before finding Vala leaning with her arm stretched out for support against one of the metal beams that segmented the grey hallways. His concern increased and he called out her name even as he picked up the pace and jogged toward her.
She stiffened at the sound of his voice and pushed away from the wall. With her spine rigid, she walked determinedly away, not even glancing behind. Daniel slowed down and scowled. He knew she heard him. He called out again, "Vala! Wait, stop!"
Still moving down the hall, she called back to him. "I'm fine Daniel." He took no notice of her words and closed the distance between them, grabbing her upper arm when he reached her.
She spun around in his grasp, but made no effort to look up. Her eyes were closed and her mouth pursed in a hard line. Daniel grasped her shoulders and leaned close. "Vala, what's wrong."
She shook her head and swallowed hard, her eyes remaining closed. "It's nothing, really. I'm fine." Her voice was low and broken.
Daniel clenched his jaw in frustration. "You're pale, you're trembling, and you won't look at me. You are not fine. Tell me what's wrong."
Vala opened her eyes and looked up and to the side, blinking rapidly and avoiding Daniel's direct gaze. "It is nothing. I'm just overacting." The corners of her mouth twisted and pulled down sharply. Vala lifted her hands and buried her face in them.
A group of marines walked past glancing over at an obviously upset Vala. Eager to get her out of the limelight, Daniel took her by the elbow and led her a few doors down to Sam's lab. He pulled her in and closed the door for privacy. He flipped a switch and couple of recessed lights turned on, leaving the room neither dark nor bright.
Vala walked listlessly over to the counter and absently sat on the high stool nearby. Daniel clenched his fists trying to deny the stab of hurt he felt just seeing her despondent and pained. His Vala was lively and flittered about like a hummingbird with bright flashes of color; she did not move like an old crone feeling the burden of life's regret weighing heavily on her shoulders and painfully in her joints.
The urge rolled over him to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. He closed his eyes and fought for self-control. This was a colleague; they worked together. He shook his head, the strangeness of it all hitting him fresh.
They worked together, were on the same team, and he trusted her with his life – his team's lives- when little over two years ago the only position at the SGC Vala could have filled was as a prisoner occupying a cell. He struggled to keep his distance, winning only the war against enveloping her in his arms. He came up behind her and boxed her in by placing a hand on the counter top to each side of hips. He leaned forward and spoke into her ear. "Tell me what's wrong." Vala shivered.
Vala twisted her head to look over her shoulder at Daniel and answered. She felt a need to tell him even while feeling foolish. "I ran into Col. Braden back in the cafeteria. I haven't seen him since…" Daniel squinted and shook his head slightly, not understanding what she was trying to say. Vala elaborated. "He was the appointed team leader over Sg3 and 8 for the mission to search for the Clavis Thesaurus Infinitus. You know, the mission where they were ambushed by the Ori solders and two marines were killed?"
Daniel squeezed one of her shoulders. "Vala, you know that mission never happened, it's just an implanted memory in your head. No one died."
She nodded. "I know in reality it never happened, but in my mind, I can still play it over and over." Vala shrugged, "It's been more than a month and my memories are dulling, but today I walk in to the lunchroom, see Col. Braden, and add flashbacks to my list of eccentricities." She tried to smile and failed.
Vala stared intently at her clasped hands. "I saw Col. Braden, a man who in my memory blames me directly for the death of two teammates and now because of that blasted flashback, I can recall vividly just how much he hates me - with a righteous fire burning deep in his soul. I've seen that look before." She peeked over her shoulder again. "Qe'tesh deserved that look and on that day at the gate, most of Star Gate Command thought I deserved it too."
Daniel grabbed another stool and scooted next to her. He gave into his need to touch her without being ready to know why he needed it. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side. "Vala, none of that was real. No one hates you." She laughed a little and leaned against him. "Well, no one at the SGC." Laying her head on his shoulder, Daniel felt some of the stiff tension drain out her body.
"I know. I do. I told you I wasn't being rational," Vala lifted her head and looked at him, "but this isn't about what I know, this is about what that whole episode is still making me feel. I know it was my idea, but I couldn't have known." Vala hung her head.
Daniel brushed an errant strand of hair off her forehead. "Couldn't have known what?" He asked softly.
"How bad it would be." She looked up, her eyes glistening. "I wasn't prepared; didn't have the same defenses I once had. I must have thought I'd be angry and defiant, not ..." She shook her head appalled how weak she was sounding.
Half-smiling, Daniel commented, "I seem to remember you doing your best to kick my head off after we insisted you come home. You seemed pretty angry to me."
Vala sat up and turned so she could look at Daniel. "Yes, then I could be angry, but before there was no point."
He scrunched up his forehead. "I'm confused, why could you all of a sudden be angry?"
"You said it was a part of a plan," she said simply.
"What?"
"The moment Adria and I stepped through the Stargate you said it was all part of the plan."
"Yes and you didn't believe me." Daniel pushed up his glasses and crossed his arms. "In fact, I think you said not to ever speak to you every again."
"Exactly." She beamed at him.
"Vala." He said, his patience wearing thin.
She sighed and closed her eyes. She wrapped her arms about her torso and rubbed her upper arms, sorely missing the weight and heat that had come from Daniel's protective embrace. Subdued, she explained, feeling strangely compelled to say what normally she would hide. "I thought I would never see you again. I thought that the life I wanted to lead was over. Then poof, there you were, all of you," a ghost of a smile played on her lips, "albeit with guns pointed in my direction, but you said it was all part of the plan."
She opened her eyes and looked into Daniel's compassionate blue ones. Her voice became deep and husky. "I had hope. You gave me hope, and well, betrayal and abandonment with any measure of hope is a far different creature than one without. Do you know, I think there was an actual moment when Adria felt sorry for me?" She dropped her hands into her lap and a weak laugh escaped. "Talk about a low point in my life."
Daniel took her hands in his. Her fingers were ice cold. He held them together between his palms trying to transfer heat. Frowning, he studied Vala. Her shoulders were bowed forward and her upper body hunched over. That brittle tension he had seen in the hallway was back. She hadn't told him something. "But why did you run out of the cafeteria? What was it? It's more than just the implanted memories isn't it?"
Vala nodded but did not answer. "Hey," he said gently and cupped the side of her face, raising her chin so she would look at him, "it's me, Daniel. You can tell me."
Something deep and pure twisted near her heart and she blinked rapidly, fighting the sting of tears. On a barely audible sigh, she spoke his name like a caress, "My Daniel," and tenderly traced the edge of his jaw line with the back of her fingers.
"Tell me," he urged, not knowing whether her words or caress made his heart pound more.
Vala let her hand fall to her lap. "I gave up."
Daniel shook his head not understanding.
"I stopped fighting. It hurt too much," she confessed. "Col. Braden came back through the gate and for a moment looked like he wanted to tear me apart. I stepped back. I hid behind you. Then when the IOA was turning in its decision, I didn't argue or scream, I just crumpled and ran."
Daniel squeezed the hand he still held. "Vala, those were artificial memories, that wasn't you."
"Part of it was me. I asked Sam about the device. It interacts with the subject's subconscious to create the most believable version of a programmed scenario. That way the conscious mind is less apt to reject the new memories. In those memories, I reacted the way I would if it had been real and I chose to give up."
"That's not what happened," Daniel tried to interject, but Vala ignored him.
"I was so desperate to get far away, I, in an attempt to win a cargo ship, cheated in a card game on Xylon. On Xylon!" She exclaimed in incredulity. "If Adria hadn't shown up when she had, I wouldn't have had to worry about what I was going to do next. One of the eight gentlemen pointing their gun at my head would have taken care of that little dilemma."
Daniel dropped her hand and stood up. That hadn't been in her report. His eyes narrowed and he took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. "You cheated."
"Yes."
"On a planet known for taking its gaming very seriously."
"Yes."
Daniel cocked his head and asked almost conversationally, "Do you usually cheat at cards? Is that why you almost always clean up at poker?"
"Lord no, I've never had to cheat playing with anyone here."
Daniel put his glasses back on and took a steadying breath before asking, "Then why on Xylon?" His fear and anxiety over what could have happened seeped into the rising tone of his voice. "Why on a Planet that has a reputation of meting out grave punishment? Why?" He demanded, barely keeping his temper under control.
Vala threw her hands up in the air as she stood up and began to pace. "I was upset. I couldn't concentrate and I was so frantic to get away and get free that I took the risk."
Daniel turned his back on her and savagely raked his hands through his hair. "You could have been killed!" He shouted.
"I didn't care!" She yelled back.
