Beautifully Criminal
Looking back at my life, I have done a lot things that I'm not proud of and I have crossed a lot of people but the one thing that I known that I've done right was walk away from the greatest thing that I have ever loved. I knew that I wasn't good enough for you and I'll never be because I'm too much of a lost cause and isn't worth saving to begin with so I did the best thing that I could've done for Rachel by walking out of her life in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye.
I knew if I waited til the morning that she would tried to talk me out of leaving by pouting and looking up at me with those beautiful brown eyes of hers and I would've been a goner. This is for the best as I looked around the almost empty cell that I'm sitting in, my whole life has been dark ever since I came into this world with my evil bastard of a sperm donor that I call a father forced his ideals of perfection onto me and when I didn't live up to them, I was on the receiving end to the back of his hand.
My mother was so much an alcoholic that she was hardly ever sober enough to acknowledge that she had a daughter let alone be a mother to me as I just gave up getting their approval and they gave up on me until they decided that they had enough before packing up, leaving me to fend for myself at the age of ten years old. My life spiraled downhill as I had no guidance to point me in the right direction or give me any real love as I dipped into petty crimes like shop-lifting or spraying graffiti on anything that I knew that I could get away with and over the years, I moved to bigger stuff like smoking weed, underage drinking, getting into fights, attempted home invasion.
Anything that you can think of I probably I did as I died my blonde hair bright pink, got my nose pierced, got a lion tattoo on the back of my right shoulder, changing my clothes from those stupid baby doll dresses to more punk rock as I walked down the halls of McKinley like I owned the place. In a way I kinda did as students moved out of my way in fear of incurring my wrath and the ones that weren't lucky enough to get out of the way… well least just say that I'm someone that you don't want to cross with my reputation of a quick fiery temper was something that you didn't want to be on the receiving end of.
I spend a good amount of time of going in and out of juvie and it taught me how to fight as well as take a beat down with none of the girls in there don't pull punches just for the fun of it but there was only one person that didn't fear me like the rest of the student population that at that hellhole and her name was Rachel Berry. I couldn't make heads or tails of the shorter girl so I couldn't tell if she had a death wish or just straight up crazy as she has tried on multiple occasion throughout our high school career to befriend me, confusing me greatly but rebuffed her but like a rubber ball she just coming back for more.
It annoyed to me no end and I just wanted to be left alone because someone like Rachel is going places as she has no business trying to befriend someone like me that has no future or possibility of leaving this hellhole known as Lima, Ohio but she's so frustratingly annoying and persistent. I spent most of my time with my 'friends' the Skanks and I use the term friends very loosely because I know that I can't really rely on any of them if it truly boiled down to it as none of them would have my back if it was backed up against the wall as it came true when I got busted for possession of weed, cocaine.
All of them bailed on me and practically threw me to the wolves as my ass got thrown in juvie once again and none of them came to visit me while I was locked up with the once exception of a certain annoying diva as I forgot the concern yet disappointed look on her face. I never felt more a failure or a waste of space than I did in that moment and I half except her to yell at me for being so stupid or how much of a disappointment I am like my Dad had done plenty of times before but she didn't, telling me that I was going to be okay and that she had my back.
Every day for six months, the singer came to visit me everyday after school and even on the weekend, bringing me my schoolwork so I wouldn't fall behind and I have never been more grateful to her than I was in that moment as I vowed to myself that I would make her proud of me. Once I gotten out on good behavior, Rachel was there to greet me with a bright smile on her face as she launches herself onto me, wrapping her arms around my neck and I tense up at the suddenness of it all as well as no one has hugged me in a long time that I didn't realized how much I liked. I surprised myself as I hugged her back as I worked hard in school to prove that I wasn't going to be a worthless good for nothing Lima Loser like the rest of our classmates and I wanted to prove to myself that I could be something worthwhile… someone that the diva could be proud of.
By the time graduation rolled around, I was in the top percentage of the graduating class of 2012 and I even found myself following Rachel to New York because she was going to NYADA to study musical theater and for me, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do but it didn't matter as long as we were together. We moved into a small loft apartment with the diva's good friend Kurt Hummel who's going to that fancy, preppy school as well and he seemed like a okay guy even he's tried to give me a makeover but one firm, icy glare was enough to put an end to that as I got a job as a bartender/bouncer at a local nightclub.
It paid well and I prefer the night shift to anything even if Rachel wasn't comfortable with being around such a rough crowd but I reassured her that I would be okay although she wasn't completely convinced she left it alone. Things were good for awhile and I felt myself becoming for the first time in my life happy and content but then I should've known that anything good wouldn't last for too long and will come crashing down in second as Rachel settled in with her fancy school friends.
She brought me to a few of her friends' social get-togethers and I never felt more out of place as I had nothing to offered to the conversation as I sat off to the side, listening them talked about things that I knew nothing about or was even interested in. When one of the snobs tried to take poorly covered jabs at me and I knew that I would never fit me with them but not like I cared if I did or not as that was the last thing that I would to go something like that ever again as it went downhill from there when I meet a guy by the name of Noah Puckerman but he prefers to go by the nickname Puck.
He walked into the nightclub that I was working at and I was in foul mood from earlier due to one of the diva's preppy friend pissed me off by making a comment about hood-rat appearance and not having any class as my mood only worsen by one of the patrons getting too touchy-feely before I knew it, I punched the guy's lights out. My boss saw only me punching the guy out and fired me on the spot without letting me explain what happen, pissing me off as I kicked a chair over on my way out and that's when I got approached by Puck with the offer of making money and letting off a little steam in the process.
The deal sounded a little too good to be true but I didn't give a fuck as I walked into an underground fight club and I quickly rose through the ranks and the pay wasn't have bad as the bruises were well earned although they got hard to hit from Rachel as she's nosy as hell. I told her not to worry about me getting fired and finding another so quickly but she couldn't leave well enough alone as she and Kurt followed me to one of the fights that Puck had scheduled for me that night, finding out what I really do for a living and least say that she wasn't happy about it leading to an argument turning into a huge blowout.
The diva gave me an ultimatum either I give up the fight club or I would have to leave the loft and I knew that my decision in that moment would change our friendship but this isn't something that I could give up like that so I packed my stuff, leaving without another word because I knew that I was a virus. I'm no good for anyone and it'll be better for everyone involved if I just disappeared leading to more fights in the club as well as the drug use, the alcohol, and the no named women in my bed but nothing filled the gaping hole in my heart no matter what I tried to fill it with as all sense of reality spills through my fingers.
It's been four and an half years since I last talked to Rachel and from what I heard she graduated from NYADA and has a few off-Broadway shows under her belt but I lost all touch with the girl that I once knew but it's better this way, she's better off without me holding her back from what she can truly accomplish. Oh you're probably wondering why I'm currently sitting in a cell right… well you see the thing is that Puck and I gotten ourselves into a bit of pinch as it's not good to borrow money from someone who has ties with the mob who don't take kindly to people who pay what they owe.
We got our asses handed to us and it didn't help that Puck mouthed off to a cop, getting into a fight with him as we peeled ourselves out of the dumper who proceeded to throw us in jail and I have no mind why I still stick with him after all the crap that he gets me into. I'm sitting in a cell waiting to get processed wondering if how my life went to complete to shit but I already know full well that it's because I was even born and the choices that I made in my life that lead me to feeling like a complete waste of space but I deserve to be here.
Okay God, if you're even there, this is your way of telling me that I need to change then I'm listening. I'm tired of being like that. Just give me a sign, a hint, anything. Give me some kind of direction.
I nearly jumped the door of my cell opens to reveal the guard with a sympathetic look on his face before moving aside to show much to my surprise, Rachel walking towards me before bending in front of me with the same concerned yet disappointed look on her face from all those years ago on her face. She reaches out, gently touches my bruised cheek as I try not to flinch from the pain but I put my hand on top of hers to keep it there, ducking my eyes under my fading pink bangs so she wouldn't see the tears forming or rolling down my eyes.
"Seems you can't stay out of trouble, I see" Rachel giggles softly.
"I-I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm so sorry" I sobbed. "I'm so lost. I need you"
"You're a mess but you have been for awhile and it's my fault for abandoning you all those years ago but that's going to change now but you have to be willing to help yourself, Sweetie" Rachel said stroking my cheek softly.
"I want to change. I want to be better" I said nodding.
"Good, now come off. It's time to go home" Rachel said helping me onto my feet.
I push myself onto my feet as Rachel lace our fingers together, leading me out of the cell towards the front of the jail to find Puck standing awkwardly next to Kurt who hasn't changed in the slightest in the four and half years. I catch his eyes and wraps his arms around me, embracing me like an old friend before taking my face in his arms. There's so many things that I want to say to him, things that I want to apologize for but he shakes his head, sensing what's on my mind before kissing me on the cheek.
"You better straight out and we'll call it even" Kurt said smiling.
"Right" I said with a nod.
"Noah, I expect you to straight yourself out as well" Rachel said jabbing her finger into his chest.
"Rachel, I don't know how to thank you but why did you bust me out?" Puck asked confused.
"Because I know that you don't deserve to rot in a prison if given a chance to explore your potential" Rachel said smiling gently.
Puck smiles slightly as Rachel turns to me, walking towards me causing me to walk backward until my back hits a wall, trapping with no chance of escaping as the diva grabs the front of my black shirt pulling towards her. She captures my lips in a chaste kiss as my one good eye flutters close and I wrap my arms around the smaller woman's waist, pulling her in close but the kiss ended too soon for my liking as I stare into those big brown eyes.
"I'm sorry Rachel for being such an idiot" I said sighing.
"I'm sorry for letting you go but I'm not making that mistake again. I love you Quinn" Rachel said smiling.
"I love you too"
~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off
The End
