Harry Potter and the Real Story:
Intro:
Hello, my name is Joshua Farnham, and I am here to tell you what really happened. How would I know this, I was there, unfortunately Rita Skeeter (that bitch) published books in the muggle world under the pen name J.K Rowling. My wife, Jessica Black, and I played a major role in the defeat of Lord Voldemort, which has been ignored by many people, and I plan on setting the record straight.
I am a half blood, my mother is a pure blood, Mary Prewett, 2nd cousin to Molly Weasley (formally Prewett) my father is a muggleborn. My parents were both in the same year at Hogwarts. My mother is a Ravenclaw, and my father was a Gryffindor. They Graduated Hogwarts in 1971, married in 1975, and I was born on Sept 16, 1978. My father worked in the Ministry in Magical Maintenance. My Mother was a potion maker. My mother would brew potions in the house, and then sell them, I always watched my mom brew potions, and helped her cut up ingredients until I went to Hogwarts.
I have a younger brother, Daniel, who is 3 years younger than me, Born Oct 31, 1981. By now most of you would have realized what date my brother was born on. The exact date Harry's Parents were killed, and the killing curse rebound on Voldemort. My parents were in the Order; however neither of them played any sort of role in the first war, being busy raising a toddler, and being pregnant with another.
I first displayed magic at 4 years old, which is uncommonly young, I went fishing with my non-magic grandfather, he fell into the lake when he hooked a big fish, and he was beginning to drown when in my panic I levitated him back to the shore. He was so shocked he didn't know how to react at first; however he was thankful to me for saving his life. By the time I got my Hogwarts letter, I already had full control of the magic inside me, I never used it to hurt others, except for this bully in the muggle school I went to, I used to magically tie his shoe laces together when he was mean to people. I always had top marks in my class.
When I received my letter I was excited, I couldn't wait to get a wand, and to read all the books that I would be getting. Mr. Ollivander greeted my mother with a bow and said, "10 ¼ inches Maple and a Unicom hair, rigid." It took several wand attempts, but after 20 minutes of waving wands, my wand finally chose me. 13 ¾ inches Ebony and Dragon Heartstring, Pliant. For the next month before leaving for Hogwarts I studied up, and realized I knew a lot about potions already, from just watching my mum. I also practiced a few spells, and realized that I liked transfiguration, my mother said she never had a knack for it.
So, I arrived at Hogwarts and had to take the boats across the lake. I was nervous about what house I wanted to be placed in. I figured I would probably be in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor because of my parents. When I placed the hat on it said. "Most interesting. Quite intelligent, and witty, however there is a burning drive and courage as well." After 2 minutes of the hat thinking about where to place me and the stares of the rest of the students upon him I told the Sorting hat.
"Listen, does it really matter what house I go in, I'm here to learn some magic, make some friends, and have fun in the process." Just as I finished my sentence the hat shouted "Ravenclaw" I went to sit down at the table. In my first year I received top marks in all of my classes. Other than that there is really nothing to tell.
