This is just a little RP a friend and I are working one, and we figured it would be fun to turn it into a fanfiction! Excuse the wonky paragraphs, it may still need some editing if I feel like it |D

Don't own TF2 or any class mentioned here. We do, however, own all the people we've stuck in their clothes~


A BLU medic scowled, tuggin on the collar of a bloodstained blue coat and grimacing. The good thing about being a worker for Builder's League United was that there were plenty of parts to play with. The bad thing? Nowhere for a girl to get clean in peace! The Medic sighed again, tugging at the hair band on shoulder-length brown hair and readjusted the grip on her syringe gun. She couldn't take any chances with French Perverts around. Especially since she had remembered a lake nearby that might be a better place to bathe than community showers where a cloaked spy could hang around waiting to see certain people.

The bottom of the lake outside 2Fort was comfier than one would think. The Ex-BLU Spy rested in a crevice he had found, watching the sun reflect off of the top of the water. It was actually rather pretty, if he hadn't spent the last two years of his life looking at the exact same scene. He sighed and rose above the water, though he only exposed above his shoulders. At the moment, he wasn't wearing his Spy uniform and he shook his hair out of his face, though it simply smacked him in the eye and stuck more securely to his face. A grumble and brief struggle with said hair resulted, ending with him giving up when he had gotten most of it out of the way. Damn hair never cooperated anyway.

On the other side of the lake, a small girl Scout and a RED Medic walked up. The girl walked up to the lake and started to remove her clothing. "Ahh Etha! Dun't do that!" Said the Medic shielding his eyes… sort of. The girl laughed and continued her stripping. She waded into the lake and dunked her long red hair under the clear water. She sighed and grabbed the glasses off the floor of the lake and through them at the Medic who was trying not to stare.

The BLU Medic smiled as she draped the pale blue fabric of her lab coat over her arm and unbuttoned her blue vest. She wasn't paying much attention to the small lake as she undressed, happily oblivious to the fact she was drawing close to a certain ex-Spy. Besides, she was well aware that her team's spy was currently dealing with a rather unpleasant reaction to being inoculated against bubonic plague. She chuckled darkly, amused that she had gotten revenge for him peeping yet again. He really should have listened the first time when she had given him one against tetanus.

Oblivious was also a good word to describe the BLU currently occupying the lake. He was currently more interested in enjoying the feel of the sun on his face (something he had missed when he was playing the role of the Spy) than listening for three random people to invade his home. No one ever came out here; it was why the BLU Medic had dumped him here in the first place. Apparently, even though the experiment his supposed "ally" had performed on him had been rather successful from the unfortunate victim's perspective, apparently the mad scientist of a doctor hadn't thought so. Which only lead to him getting dumped unceremoniously into the secluded lake. With a sigh, the ex-BLU tipped his head back and attempted to use the water to at least slick his hair back so it would stay out of his face for a few minutes.

The RED Scout ignored the Medic who was openly not trying to cover his eyes. She looked over the lake making sure no-one was there before swimming out into the open. There she floated on her back, having no care in the world. She cursed the BLU Spy mentally, hoping that he didn't mess with her wardrobe again. She couldn't see it very well but there was a blur of a person on the other side of the lake.

The Blu Medic heard a splash as she dropped her pants, so she narrowed her eyes and looked at the source. It took her a moment to collect her wits, but seeing the back of a head she didn't recognize was not a good thing. She screamed, grabbing her coat and holding it up to hide her body from the stranger's sight.

To say that the sudden scream scared the crap out of the poor ex-BLU was a drastic understatement. He whirled, releasing a shout of his own on instinct, which turned into a shriek as he realized there was a girl, no, a woman, standing on the bank behind him, obviously wearing nothing because of how she covered herself with a coat. His automatic reaction was to jerk back and cover his eyes while attempting to dive under water in order to get away from the strange girl who had discovered him. His second reaction was to dread that she thought he was trying to spy on her (which could have been true two years ago if she was on RED, but as it was…). He was a gentleman after all, and he really didn't want the woman to think him otherwise, even if he would rather she had not discovered him in the first place… His attempted escape was thwarted when he discovered there was another naked woman no more than a few feet away on his other side. How he hadn't noticed them before they got that close, he had no idea. It didn't matter; he would make sure it didn't happen again. He squeaked slightly in surprise and attempted to flee again, though this time it was a rather large rock that thwarted his escape. He clutched his now bleeding nose and swore in French. "Sacré bleu!" Today was already turning out crappy…

To say the least she flipped. She heard a scream and then another. This was not a good way to know she was not alone. She saw a man swim past and tripped over something squishy, and long… She was known to be squeamish and girly. "Eaweeee! What the **** was that?" She yelled as she scrambled up and out of the lake. She didn't really mind the man, since she was surrounded by them all the time. But the squishy thing reminded her of jello.

The Medic was surprised to hear two echoing screams, but she hastily tugged on the coat (and buttoned it of course) and darted into the water to find the sources of the cries. She had left her weapons on the shore, but that was unimportant. She just hoped that whoever the two people were, they wouldn't try to attack her. That would be unfortunate. Especially since the man had been just as startled to her as she had been to see him. She froze when she recognized the scout though, a very unhappy swear dropping from her lips as she backpedalled and tripped over what she assumed to be algae and went down. Unfortunately, since she had fallen backwards, she hadn't had a chance to scream before water went into her open mouth. She stood up again, coughing and sputtering like a drowned rat.

This was officially the worst day currently on record. He had had the ink scared out of him (quite literally, which was somewhat embarrassing even if it was a now natural reaction to fear), ran into a rock face-first, had one of his poor tentacles stepped on and another tripped over. He didn't want to jinx himself, but honestly, how could today get worse? Oh right, he was a freaking tentacle monster, trapped in a lake for the past two years. That's how. He ducked his head under the water, curling his abused tentacles close to his body to avoid further harm, and continued swearing in French while clutching his nose. The cool water helped and his swearing was reduced to a string of bubbles. What could he say, he was (as previously stated) a gentleman and loathed swearing in front of a lady. In this case two. Barely clothed and apparently trying to bathe ladies, but ladies none the less! Yes, even if both had just sworn rather nastily before abusing his poor limbs. He peeked one eye open as the first popped up from the water and spluttered rather like a drowning cat. Perhaps now would be a great time to disappear back into the lake…

The now scared to death Scout, hugged a tree.

"What the ******* hell was that?" She screamed over and over. She looked at the water hoping the squishy thing was gone. Then she spotted it, an octopus! But it was a man too! That's it! Never again! She was never going to bathe in a lake again! The Medic that was with her came running up. "Vhut is it Eza?" He asked running up to her. Then he took in the whole picture. Her… Naked… In a tree. He started laughing, and almost enough to roll on the ground.

"Sie! Who ah jou?" she demanded, once she got to her feet and was firmly planted of course, "Vhy are jou in se water? Und vhat is jour class? Jou are not vun of my teammates. Pyro has short hair on my team, so he is not jou."

He winced. So much for disappearing… The strange girl had begun firing questions at him faster than a Heavy could shoot his Minigun. God dammit…

"Ehhh… My name is Altair…" He mumbled, hands still clutching his injured nose and trying to keep the bleeding to a minimum. Unfortunately this also slurred and jumbled his speech. "And Ah am not on any team… Well, Ah used to be, but not anymore anyway…" So his class didn't really matter that much anyway. He was still politely looking away, as the white coat she had thrown over herself was now soaked through and… Well… Clinging in certain places he'd rather not stare at. He did sneak a quick glance at her, mostly attempting to discern what class she was. Seeing as he had not had any contact with anyone for two years, and had attempted to erase the majority of his memories of BLU to keep himself sane, he couldn't place her accent. His gaze quickly swept over her so he wasn't accused of staring, but in his haste he nearly missed the neat little patch on her arm depicting a blue cross. Wait, this woman was a…

"GET ZE HELL AWAY FROM ME MEDIC!" He cried and dove into the water as quickly as he possibly could, ignoring his nose and bruised tentacles in favor of escaping the BLU Medic. There was no way in hell he was hanging around anywhere there was a Medic. Especially a BLU one.

"Ah! Vait!" She splashed after him when she caught sight of blue and something else. She didn't quite understand what the other thing was, but she wasn't about to let this opportunity to discover what it was go. She tripped, her hand brushing against something as she fell. It was slimy and sliding away, so she did the first thing she could think of. She grabbed it.

Seeing as his head was currently underwater, Altair's shriek as the Medic tripped and grabbed onto one of his tentacles was more a burst of bubbles than an actual cry. He struggled, attempting to pull free of her unusually strong grip as panic threatened to overwhelm him. He was not going back to that place. He was not going to let himself be cut open and apart again. How could the sadistic freaks called Medics think that he would allow them to turn him into more of a freak than they already had! The last one had taken the lower half of his body away and replaced it with a damn octopus for Christ's sake! What more could they want from him? He thrashed in her grip and used his other tentacles to pry her off of him so he could escape. The moment he had realized she was a Medic, he was having nothing to do with her. Lady or not.

At the sudden sensation of being grabbed, she gasped. Since she did so underwater, she released the object to grab at her throat and attempted to stand to choke out the water she had unwittingly inhaled. Unfortunately, the struggles were probably the worst thing she could have done since she had no idea if the thing was going to let her go and she was already disoriented from her fall. As in, she couldn't tell up from down. And when underwater, that was a seriously bad thing.

At the sound of frantic gurgling, he paused ever so slightly in his flight. …Damn him being a well-raised French gentleman. A tiny voice in his head insisted on inserting 'backstabbing' into the mix, but he ignored it. Spy he may have been, but he wasn't anymore. He groaned and went after the flailing woman as she managed to work her way deeper in the water instead of to the surface as she had planned. This time he was sure to keep his extra appendages as far from her as it was physically possible, and grabbed her arm before shooting the two of them to the surface. He intended to dump her where the water was shallow enough she could stand, then take off as fast as he could swim for the deepest crevice in the whole lake.

"Oh mein Gott im Himmel…" Instead of letting him just deposit her in a shallow area, once she had coughed all the water out of her lungs, she clung to him with a frightened whimper and trembled with nerves. She had no idea what that was that grabbed her, but she was not about to let go of the person who seemed to have frightened it away, "V-vhat on ears vas sat?"

Great. Just freaking great. It was a bit difficult to dump someone who was currently clinging to your torso for dear life. Hiding from you without knowing it was actually you. Freaking wonderful. And how does one explain, hysterical person to hysterical person, that what they had grabbed was actually you, and what had grabbed them back was also you. …He really just wanted to go back to the bottom of the lake and hide now thank-you-very-much!

"Sat… Erm… Stay away from sat. Eet's not friendly… Now, if you'd kindly let go…?" So I can run (metaphorically) and hide? Kthnx.

"Nnngh…" she shook her head and clung tighter. No way in heaven or hell was she going to let go. Not when there was an unfriendly creature in the water! She really hated not knowing things. A small part of her was demanding to know why he was able to scare the thing away and what the hell it was, but she was more interested in the 'he saved my life so I really don't want to be away from him at all' thing, "I don't vant to. Jou scared it avay and I don't vant it to grab me again…"

Urgh… She wasn't going to let go anytime soon. And she had yet to realize the 'thing in the water' was actually him… Which he really didn't want anyway. And any second now she was going to glance down or brush up against one of his tentacles and she was ONLY WEARING A QUITE THIN AND TOTALLY SOAKED COAT AT THE MOMENT! He was panicking in so many ways right now, he was really surprised that he could think coherently. Or put together a simple sentence.

"Ma'am, eet is not going to come back and if jou leave ze lake eet can not follow jou. Zis I can gaurentee." He carefully crawled up the slight incline toward the edge of the water, praying every second that she wouldn't look down. If he could convince her to let go of him at the edge of the water, he could hopefully get away fast enough that she wouldn't be able to catch him once she realized he was the 'thing'. Hopefully.

"But… Vhat if it grabs me anyvays?" she asked, looking at him fearfully before looking away with an embarrassed blush, "I can't svim vell… I vish my Spy vasn't such a pervert. Sen I vouldn't be here in se first place. He keeps cloaking and hiding vhen se ossers are finished. I heard sat se vun before him vas nice, but he vanished vun day. I vish he had been se vun I came vis instead."

Okay… So maybe this Medic wasn't as bad as he'd thought… But she was still a Medic! They liked taking things apart and putting them back together the wrong way! He had enough experience in that realm to know there was no freaking way in hell he was ever going back. However, he couldn't help but offer a weak smile when she mentioned the previous Spy and wishing he had been her Spy rather than the one she had. Even being wanted by someone who didn't know him and was currently terrified by the lower half of his body was nice after being forgotten for two years.

If he was correct in his guestimations, that would mean that the forever cursed BLU Medic who had turned him into the monster he currently was had died soon after dumping his 'failed' experiment into the lake. Honestly, it pissed him off a little; knowing that had the Medic kept him around a few days, his team would have at least known what had happened to him. Maybe someone would have been able to help, but no, Medic had to get rid of him only days before dying. Made him hate the dead man even more.

"Zat Spy is an idiot." He scoffed. "Zere is nevah any reason to behave illy in front of a lady. Not even a lady who insists she is not one und acts like a man." There was absolutely no excuse for his behavior.

"Ah…" she turned an even darker shade of red and ducked her head down, closing her eyes and trying not to let him see how embarrassed she was getting at his words. She was used to her French teammate's rather… coarse pickups and not so much used to actually being treated like a gentleman would treat a lady. Not that she would believe him after a certain incident that had happened when they had been travelling on the train, "I am afraid sat he is incorrigible. No matter how many times I give him vaccinations, he von't stop acting unruly. He is vorse sen a Scout! I sometimes vish somesing bad vould happen to him!"

Altair cracked a smile at her outburst. That was really the worst she could think of? 'Something bad'? He almost laughed. If that was really the worst she had, what on Earth did he have to fear? A needle more than likely, with how she talked of vaccinations for her unruly Spy. Who he had a very strong desire to show what could happen if you messed with a Medic. Or the Medic took an strange, obsessive, scientific interest in you.

"Tish, 'e will get what is coming to 'im Ah'm sure. Eventually everyone does," He scowled at the water, under which his tentacles could be rather clearly seen. "Whezeh it 'appens to jour satisfaction is an entirely different mattah." He muttered sourly before sighing and continuing to carefully crawl for land. Now that he thought about it, he could have changed his form when he was first seen and avoided all this panic, though now that she was so damn close he didn't stand a chance of getting away with it without her noticing. Damn. Alright, just keep her talking and focused on you rather than the ground. You can do that.

"Bah. I don't like my Spy at all. He steals Sniper's hat, antagonizes scout, mocks my heavy and put my first coat in se vash wish se team's unmentionables!" She scowled, grip tightening slightly with her agitation. She really didn't like her teammate at all, "I hope he… he… falls off the roof of se bridge and breaks somesing. And I von't heal him!"

He really couldn't help it. He didn't want to… but he burst out laughing anyway. He tried very hard to keep himself as still as possible when he did, both to avoid jostling her as she was clinging very close and wearing very little, and to keep his tentacles from thrashing around as he laughed. It felt nice. He hadn't had reason to laugh in… Well since his Medic drugged him and decided cutting him up and experimenting on him was a good idea. Which was over two years. Pretty sad honestly. But what could be done about it.

"Ah'm sure 'e vould treat jou wis greater respect if jou did zat. Or didn't. Whichever." He shook his head, still grinning from the laugher.

"But sen I vould feel bad…" she sighed. It was hard being a Medic who actually listened to the Hippocratic oath, "Maybe I vill just give him a rabies shot again. Or trick him into eating Demoman's food. Sat is alveys amusing. Jou are nice! Vhat is jour name? Mine is Alexis Roth."

"Jou're an odd Medic. Every one Ah've ever known liked causing pain. What was eet 'e used to say? 'Ze healing ees not as rewarding as ze 'urting' Ah zink." He scowled again. He really needed to stop thinking about the ex-Medic, especially since the bastard was gone and he no longer had to worry constantly that he would come back to toy with him again. "Ah suppose ze 'monster' distracted jou when Ah told jou my name zen," He said with another smile. "Altair. And Ah'm not really on a team, in case jou were wondering."

"Vha? Oh! I vasn't vondering…" she admitted sheepishly, letting go with one hand to rub the back of her neck. It paused though when her leg brushed up against something she certainly wasn't expecting. She Looked down slowly, afraid that the thing was going to grab both of them and stared. Well… That certainly explained a lot. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. There really was no point in yelling that he was a … not human person… But seriously… Come on! "Das ist … vat-vat is se vord… Erstaunlich! A-amazing! Jou are even more cool sen I sought!"