Author's note:Thank you Caryn for betaing this so quickly! You're my rock!
No, no, no, no. This can't be happening. It just can't. I press the button to listen to the message again.
"Hey, Katniss. I'm really sorry for the short notice, but one of the kids must have given me the flu yesterday. I have to stay closed today. I'm sorry." Even through the phone line I can hear how sick she is. Annie runs the daycare where my daughter spends her days when I'm at school, trying to finally get that degree. She's a friend and doesn't charge me for it; I only have to pay for the food. She's been a lifesaver and helped me more than I could ever have asked for, so I can't get annoyed.
I don't want to risk waking her up in case she's sleeping, so I send her a text, letting her know that she should concentrate on getting better and that my thoughts are with her. The last part is a lie—my thoughts are on my presentation today. Professor Coin is a hard-ass, and I can't stay home today. I can't miss it.
"Mooooooom!"
It doesn't matter if she just woke up; that kid has pipes. I walk to Jamie's room, hoping that this morning will pass smoothly. It doesn't. I spend the next hour trying to feed my child and almost have a mental breakdown trying to figure out how to solve my predicament. I have no one I can ask to take Jamie off my hands with such a short notice. And I doubt she can sit still long enough for the entire class today. What the fuck do I do?
You would think that the father could help out with this, but he's on a cruise with 'Ms. Wavy blonde hair and big tits.' I should really come up with a shorter nickname for her. Of course they had to choose this week, because it's their anniversary. Fuck you, Gale!
It's not that I want to get back together with him—we were never meant for each other—but it would be nice to have someone around the house. Despite having a five-year-old always running around, I still get lonely.
"The toothpaste tastes weird."
"Jamie, you and I both know you're only saying that to get out of it," I sigh. She's picked up this new habit of not wanting to brush her teeth, and it's driving me nuts. "Please, just brush your fu… freaking teeth."
"But Dad says..." she stops when I throw her a glare.
"Dad's not here now, and under my roof it's my rules," I snap. The hurt in her eyes is heartbreaking, and I melt immediately. I want to spare her the hostility between me and Gale, but fuck him for making me the mean parent in this. I sigh, and put my hand on her cheek. "I'm sorry, baby. Please brush your teeth. For me?"
She blinks a few times, her gray eyes, identical to mine and Gale's, lock on mine. "Okay."
"Thank you." I leave her in the bathroom and type a quick text to Gale, telling him to make sure she brushes her teeth when she's at his place.
It's astonishing how quickly I've learned to multitask; peeing while brushing my teeth, eating breakfast and reading emails, putting clothes on while making the bed. Today, neither work; I manage to spill toothpaste on my sweater, I nearly poured coffee on my phone, and the sound of my pantyhose ripping is just the icing on the cake. And I haven't even left the house yet. "Fuck," I curse under my breath, but my hand flies up to my mouth instinctively, and I exhale a sigh of relief when I realize I'm alone in my bedroom.
Like some miracle, I'm strapping Jamie in her car seat ten minutes earlier than I had planned. "Listen, if you behave today, we can go get ice cream after, okay?"
"What do I have to do?" She's suspicious.
"You don't have to do anything. Just stay quiet while Mommy's in school." I hope I'll be able to leave earlier because I don't think she can stay calm for two hours. But it's all I can hope for. I can't miss this presentation.
We're twenty minutes early when we walk through the glass doors, and through a corridor with high ceiling. My pumps are flat, but they still make a clicking sound, bouncing off the walls like a countdown to my impending doom. Jamie tugs at my arm. "Mommy, slow down. Did you bring Pippi?"
"What?"
"Where's Pippi?"
Pippi Longstocking, her favorite toy. "She's here." I take the cotton doll from my bag and hand it to her. I forgot the doll once, and she wouldn't calm down for half an hour. I've never forgotten it since.
"No, my book."
"Honey, I didn't bring that book. I have many other books."
"But I want Pippi!" She stomps her foot and furrows her eyebrows. She's on the verge of throwing a tantrum. I can see it in the squinting eyes, clenched jaw, and balled fists. She's got the same temper as both me and Gale. What the fuck do I do?
The vibration in my pocket distracts me and I pull out my phone, like the incoming text has any answers. She always brushes her teeth at your house. It doesn't make any difference if she skips a few times.
That's not the point and he knows it. Fuck you, G—
"Katniss?"
I whip my head from my phone and meet his piercing eyes. I've never noticed how blue they are. Maybe it's because he usually wears glasses and we've never been this close before. A wave of fire jolts through me before I find my tongue. "Mr. Mellark." I clear my throat.
Peeta Mellark was the TA in my English Lit class a couple of months ago. I wasn't particularly fond of the subject nor the professor, but something made me enjoy it anyway. He's around my age, and it always felt weird, addressing him with his last name.
"Please, it was awkward before, and it's even more awkward now. It's Peeta. Please."
"All right, Mr… Peeta." Smooth, Katniss.
He chuckles, and his laughter is like the sun, brightening every surface in this gray corridor. It tugs at my heart and something tickles in my stomach. I must've eaten something bad. Or is it the nerves? Peeta drops to Jamie's level. "And who is this little princess?"
Jamie doesn't say anything, only stares back at him, awestruck. I'm about to scold her for being rude when she walks up to him, dragging her hands through his hair. "You look like Tommy."
I immediately take her arm and pull her back. "Jamie! You don't touch other people like that without their permission." I look over to Peeta. "I'm sorry."
"No worries. Who's Tommy?"
"He's one of Pippi Longstocking's friends." It strikes me that he maybe doesn't know who that is. I have no idea if he has kids or not. But by the way he talks to Jamie, it's clearly not his first time around a child her age. I can practically see a little blonde girl sitting on his shoulders, laughing.
"Thank you," he says to Jamie. "You know, I've always wanted to be friends with a strong girl," he winks at her and shoots me a quick glance. Jamie smiles at his words, and her book is forgotten as easily as it came up. I could kiss him for taking her mind off that damn book. He stands up, meeting my eyes, and the intensity of his gaze almost causes me to waver.
"I thought you had a presentation today, Katniss." The way the 's' rolls off his tongue sounds different. I think I like it.
How does he know I have a presentation today? Does he know the schedule of every class in the department? Seems reasonable. "I do." His eyes flit down to Jamie, before I realize why he's asking. "Uhm, yeah. The babysitter canceled, so Jamie's coming along today." He must think I'm incompetent, not being able to get a babysitter on such an important day. I should've had a contingency plan. I love Jamie to death, but it's obvious I'm not cut out to be a parent. "Her father lives somewhere else."
Where did that come from? What does that has to do with anything?
"Right. Listen, Professor Coin is kind of..." He looks down to Jamie, seemingly searching for the right word. "...strict." That's not the word he was thinking.
"Tell me about it."
"She has her standards, and see every explanation as an excuse."
I can tell where he's going with this, but he's too nice to say it flat out. Coin will not allow Jamie inside the classroom, which means I will flunk this class.
Cold pearls of sweat break out on my scalp, and it feels like my head's about to catch fire. I can't fail this. She has to let me do this presentation. Another warmth spreads from my the outside of my arm right to my heart. "She can stay in my office while you do the presentation." Peeta's voice brings me back to the present, and I realize it's his hand on my arm, his thumb idly sliding back and forth.
"I can't ask you to do that." He pulls his hand back and the icy feeling comes back.
"It's not a problem, really. My nephews come over sometimes. I think I can keep her occupied." He looks down to Jamie again. "You like to draw?"
"Yes!" she squeals and her eyes light up.
"Then we're a match made in heaven. I have some crayons in my office," he says, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder.
He's very kind, but I can't just dump Jamie with him. She'll take up too much of his time, and he'll only resent me for it. "As generous as your offer is, I can't expect you to do that. You probably have other important things to do."
Jamie releases my hand and flings herself at Peeta's leg. "Please, Mommy. Can't I stay with Tommy?"
I ruffle my fingers through her hair. "His name is not Tommy, sweetheart. It's Mr..."
"Peeta," he interjects.
"Mr. Peeta! Please Mommy!" She looks up at me with those big gray eyes, pleading. Peeta looks at me exactly the same way and I stifle a laugh at his look. I don't know if it's the tension of this morning taking its toll on me or something else, but I suddenly feel completely at ease.
"Okay, you can stay with Mr. Peeta if you promise to behave." It comes out of my mouth like it's no big deal, but I thank the god I don't believe in for this gift.
I hand Peeta my bag with Jamie's toys. "Thank you. I hope it's not an inconvenience for you."
"You're doing me a favor." He looks around before adding quietly, as if someone might be eavesdropping, "Do you know how many crappy essays I have to read?"
I wonder if this is what he envisioned when he decided to major in literature; reading essays of students who probably don't give a shit. I suddenly want to know his dreams, and I want them to come true.
"You know where my office is?" he asks, breaking me from my thoughts.
I've never been inside his office, but I've walked past it a couple of times, seeing his profile as he reads something, his tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrates, pushing his black-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose.
"Uhm, yeah I know where it is."
"Okay, we'll be there until your class ends."
I drop to my knees so that I can look Jamie in the eye. "Listen. Do what Mr…" My eyes flicker to him. "...Peeta tells you. Behave," I say with the most stern voice I can muster.
"I promise, Mommy."
"Good." I give her a kiss on the head before rising to my feet again. I mouth thank you to Peeta before they leave.
I watch them stride down the corridor, Jamie clinging to his hand. I'm not good at reading people, and if I didn't know any better I'd think there was a lightness to Peeta's steps I hadn't seen before.
There's a long strip of glass next to the door to Peeta's office, allowing me to see that Jamie's sleeping on the couch. Knowing this, I knock gently so as not to wake her up, and Peeta opens almost immediately. His glasses actually enhance the color of his eyes. How have I not noticed before?
"Hey, how did it go?" he whispers.
"Professor Coin is… strict," I mimic his words from earlier. "But I passed, which is all that matters."
"Great. Come on in." He opens the door completely, gesturing for me to come inside. What strikes me first is the whiteboard; it's covered in drawings. The ones on the lower part are obviously made by a child and the higher ones are a lot more sophisticated. I'm amazed by the details that can be obtained in a flower using only a whiteboard pen.
"Did she behave?"
"Yeah, she's a great kid." He drags his fingers through his hair, the hem of his shirt rising a little, exposing a sliver of skin right above the waistline. I instinctively wet my lips and force myself to look at his face. His look is piercing, pinning me to this spot. I can't move. I don't want to move.
Jamie's movements from the couch break our weird staring contest. As I walk past Peeta my hand accidentally brushes against his, knuckles grazing, and another electrical jolt goes straight through my body. It must be the tension of today finally letting go.
"Hey, baby. Are you ready to go home?"
She brings her hands to her eyes, trying to rub the sleepiness away. "No. I want to stay with Mr. Peeta." I look around his office; crayons strewn across the floor and a couple of papers covering the small table. She's made a mess.
"I think you've taken up enough of his day already." Judging by the doodles on his whiteboard, they've both been spending most of the time drawing. I would've been happy if he'd just made sure she stayed in the room, but I'm immensely grateful and amazed that he actually engaged with her. I scoop Jamie up in my arms, her head leaning against my shoulder, still dazed by sleep. "I can't thank you enough for this, Peeta."
"Don't worry about it. It was my pleasure." He smiles with such genuine sweetness and a touch of shyness that I have to believe him.
"Are we going for ice cream now?" Jamie's suddenly wide awake.
"I did promise, didn't I?" I smile back at her. I can treat myself after passing the presentation.
"Can Mr. Peeta come too?" she asks, and for some reason I'm glad she brought it up.
"I think he has other important things to do, sweetie."
She turns her head, looking directly at Peeta. "Don't you want to come?" she asks, her lips quivering and her voice shaky.
She's putting him in a difficult spot. He won't be able to say 'no' without her thinking it has something to do with her. I lift my gaze to him. "If it's okay with you, consider it payment for watching her today."
"You don't owe me anything." He doesn't want to come. "But lucky for you," he turns his gaze toward Jamie. "I know a place that serves the best sundaes in town."
"Really?" Her eyes light up like she can't believe it.
Peeta just smiles, nodding. "Really."
Jamie wriggles down from my hold, taking my hand and holding out the other for Peeta. When she isn't looking I whisper to him, "You don't have to come."
"I want to."
Peeta gives Jamie his hand, and she grabs two of his fingers. She walks between us as we head down the corridor and out to the parking lot. I subtly throw a glance his way. There's a small smile on his lips, and he seems completely relaxed. It's a crazy thought, but I can definitely get used to this.
Author's note: As always, I appreciate your comments.
