Warning: Contains slash
Pairing: Ford/Arthur
Universe: BBC version (though oh how I wish I had time to read the books)
Words: 488
Disclaimer: Is it really necessary to point out that I am not Douglas Adams? Is that what people really need? (I'm not even English and I don't even look like a Douglas.)
Nowhere Man
Arthur was leaning on a convenient yet pointless railing and staring out an equally convenient yet pointless window when Ford found him.
"Arthur, there you are!" The Earthman didn't reply, but this in no way discouraged Ford from joining him at the railing. "They're about to use the Improbability Drive. I thought I'd warn you."
"Oh." Arthur tore his eyes away from the window and focused on his friend. "Where are we going?"
"No telling. I hope it's near a party, though. It'd be good to get properly drunk again – don't you think?"
Arthur shrugged, and went back to looking out at space.
"A little enthusiasm please."
"For what, Ford? I don't know the first thing about this universe. I wouldn't know what to have enthusiasm for out here if it bit me – and even then, it'd probably be more interested in biting me than inspiring enthusiasm."
"You don't need to know the first thing to get survive out here. Just some of the second and third things, and your towel." Ford shot Arthur a speculative look. "And a little more imagination."
Arthur sighed, sounding very much like he'd been spending too much time listening to Marvin. "I can't imagine an entire universe. I could barely imagine most of Earth, and that was back when I had at least some idea of what to expect. Now even that's gone, and I have nowhere to go." He paused and laughed at nothing, though Ford reasoned that it had to be something because it obviously had the distinction of not being funny in the slightest. "And even if I didn't want to go there, I'd have nowhere else to go instead."
"But that's great," Ford exclaimed, somewhat dismayed by Arthur's phenomenal capacity to not get it. "That's freedom."
"Freedom?" Arthur repeated incredulously.
"Yeah." The seasoned hitchhiker grinned widely and explained: "If you have nowhere to go and nothing to do when you get there, that means you can go anywhere and do anything."
Arthur sighed again.
"Arthur?" Silence descended, and waited awkwardly to be allowed to leave. "Arthur?" Ford rolled his eyes ceiling-ward at the moody gloom surrounding the recently planet-deprived ape descendant, then grabbed him by the shoulders, swung him around, and kissed him full on the mouth.
The ape descendant in question flailed and, when he regained possession of his own mouth, sputtered. "Ford! What are you doing?!"
"Getting your attention." Ford met his startled gaze dead on. "Listen," he said firmly, "no matter what, you are not nowhere; you're right here."
Elsewhere on the ship, someone hit a button. For a while after that they were not there, in fact, but everywhere as the Heart of Gold passed through every conceivable point in the known universe (and some inconceivable ones in the unknown universe, too). Ford's point, however, had been made, and by the time they regained normality Arthur was feeling both very debauched and very somewhere.
