"I thought I was the reason you are in the world. I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile. I wish you couldn't figure me out but you always wanna know that I was about. I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset. I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met. Basically, I wish you loved me. I wish you needed me. I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake. I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep. I wish you wouldn't have lied. I wish things were different. I wish you'd miss me, because God knows I miss you more than anything. " ~

The Nicest Things Lyrics.

He slides into me and waits while the pain subsides from my end. And all the feel good emotions I held are thrown out the window. I feel guilty, and dirty, and I want to cry.

I don't want it.

I let out a sob and close my eyes as the tears stream, "Christian, please get off."

"Anastasia?" I can tell that his brow must be creased with confusion, but I can't look at him – I can't even look at myself.

"Please stop, I don't want too. Please get off!" I start to panic.

"Ana, what's wrong?" his voice worried.

I begin to struggle, "Stop! STOP!" I sob, pushing him away to sit up. He drapes a blanket over my shoulder.

I cry hard into my hands. I feel dirty and cheap, and feel like garbage. I promised myself I wouldn't end up like Carla, and look at what I'm doing; losing my virginity like a whore for a good-looking man? What have I lowered myself to? I can't breathe, I feel dirty, and – and – I hate myself.

"Well, that's a first. I've never had a women cry before the sex." He jokes warily. "Anastasia, what's going on?" he touches my back.

"Don't touch me," I sob, "I don't want to, I don't want to," I keep repeating.

"We don't have to," his voice calm.

"We can't do this, I don't want to," I begin to pull on my disregarded clothes from the floor. "I don't want this."

I basically run into Christian's master bathroom, leaving him sitting on his bed a confused mess.

Running my fingers through my hair I try to pull my brown locks into a ponytail, using a rubber band I've found on his bathroom sink. My stomach turns when I look at the reflection staring back at me; the woman red eyed and pink cheeked, looking a mess. I swallow as I close my eyes and look away.

I let out a lung full of breath as I sit on the covers toilet seat.

'We're going to rectify the situation.'

I sniff, 'Situation,' like losing my innocence was some obstacle for a game. I know it seemed odd at the moment – though, I still agreed – but now it just sounds sickening.

There's a tap on the bathroom door.

"Anastasia, I know what you must be feeling right now – you feel ashamed, and guilty, and stained."

I continue to listen to his voice.

He sighs, "I'll be outside when you're ready to come out."

I don't know how long it takes me to calm down, but I stay in the bathroom for minutes longer. Trying to muster up the strength to face him and leave. When he arrived at Claytons he was so smooth with his words. And when I interviewed him it was like a door was opening for me – sure he was confident and controlling but I would be lying if I tried to say that I didn't feel for him when I stumbled into his office. I envisioned such a different type of relationship with him.

Fully dressed in my earlier attire I unlock the door and step out – on guard if he decided to stay in his room.

Walking into the hall, and making my way through the maze he calls a home, I gasp when a pair of hands grip my shoulders, causing me to stop before I bump into him.

My eyes run up the tall stature of the guy that was going to introduce me into a different kind of life style. His words earlier bombard my ears, 'I want to make love to you.' I hold back a sob.

It takes a while for either of us to say anything; him waiting for me, and me waiting for the nerve.

I raise my eyes back up to his, "I'm so sorry for what happened back there," I point back with my thumb, "I freaked out and – and – I'm sorry. I can't imagine how I made you feel to -,"

He cups my face with his hand, "Not for one second think about how I feel. I was thoughtless and I apologize in advance for not taking in your feelings. It all must have been over whelming for you."

I nod sheepishly, "I wish things were different, but I just couldn't find it in myself…" I can't even finish my sentence.

He nods sadly in understanding, looking as if it's as hard for him to hear than for me to say.

I frown, "Christian, I think I should leave now." I say, knowing that this'll be the last time I'll ever see him.

Without giving me heads up he crushes me to his body and hugs me tightly, his arms wrap around my shoulders and mine around his torso. I pull my head away so I can see his face.

"You really are a nice guy," I breathe.

He looks taken back by my statement, "Please, by all means, stay the night."

I blanch.

"In the guest bedroom," he confirms as he sees the look on my face, "It's late, and we can get things figured out in the morning."

I hesitate; lying in a room of his apartment will only have me feeling more ashamed and hurt. Every minute I'm here is another minute I'll gain as I think about him when I leave, and I can't afford that.

"Please, Ana, please let me do this for you. After seeing the look on your face when I…" he sighs heavily, running his hands through his hair, just like when I told him I was virgin, "I need to make it up to you, I want to make it up to you. Your too innocent for your own good," he smiles softly.

My eyes shift to my knotted fingers, "I can't stay."

"What about a hotel room? I can get you a room tonight and then an early flight in the morning if you wish," he begs, "I just… I just never want to see you so helpless and scared like tonight, I will do and give anything for that image to be erased off from my thoughts – I would do anything just to make sure you never feel that way again."

"Okay," I concede, not able to look him straight in the eyes, "I'll go to a hotel tonight. But honestly, you don't have to pay -," He cuts me off.

"I'm going to." He says demands simply, "I'll have my driver bring you to the location, and you can ask him to stop anywhere you'd like – it's all on me, of course."

I frown again, "Thank you." Knowing I'll just ask for a ride to the hotel.

Gathering my things, I walk to the elevator and step inside as Christian holds the door open with his hand. I lift my face to meet his anxious gaze.

"Goodbye, Ms. Steele," he leans in closer, "Never settle for less."

A tiny gasp escapes my mouth, "Goodbye, Christian." Before the doors get a chance to shut I say sincerely, "I hope you find her." I then descend to the lobby.

Christian's POV

I stand there in front of the metal elevator doors, feeling the words sink to my core of what that beautiful woman just wished upon me. Oh, Ana…

"I already did."

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