Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.

A/N: Hey, it's 1.15am and my eyes are burning from all the writing today. So if this sucks, I apologise. :)

Annie's Answer

"What's keeping you here Erin?" Annie asks and I don't even hesitate.

"Jay." It's as simple as that.

"And I'm so stupid Annie, he was only trying to look out for me and I was a complete bitch to him. I pushed him away, just when I thought I'm better than that I do it anyway. I need to go." I give Annie a quick hug barely noticing her shocked expression as I take off towards home.

I can't believe I'm sitting at some dive bar wishing I could leave Chicago and start over. Starting over won't give me a family or allow me to forget the screwed up one I was born into.

It would only make me lose the most important person in my life.

Jay is my family, the unit is my family and Bunny can be cut from my life without me leaving those I love. Those who love me.

As I drive home I run through countless apologies I could make to Jay, I'm sure he's mad. He has every right to be.

A small part of me wonders if he won't be, or won't show it. It's just who he is, always putting me first and blaming himself for interfering.

He knows how tricky and flighty I can be. Yet, he's here. Everyday, no matter what.

I park my car and race upstairs my heart thumping, and not from the cardio.

Despite my short and abrupt text earlier he likely assumes I won't be home tonight or at least not sober.

I put my keys in the lock and walk inside, the lights are off in the living and kitchen but I can see one from the bedroom.

Slowly my feet take me to the room and I see him sitting on the bed blankly staring at the TV.

"Hey." I whisper hesitantly, even with his unnecessary apology voicemail I expect anger.

"Hey." His reply is short and his eyes dart briefly from the TV to take me in.

"You came home." He still isn't looking completely at me, his tone is uninterested.

Guess he has decided he is angry with me, well deserved as it is.

"Yeah." I whisper back, wanting nothing more than to crawl into his arms and forget the world. Forget Bunny and the fact she keeps causing me more painbuilding the walls taller around my heart.

After a few silent moments, I do just that. I close the distance between us and straddle Jay on the bed, I take advantage of his shock to press our lips together forcefully, needing nothing more than to feel him close to me.

Jay pulls away and I'm breathing heavily, waiting for his next words.

"And sober I see." His tone is hurtful and I squeeze my eyes shut tight.

This side of Jay is rare and hardly ever directed towards me, I'm not surprised he's finally fed up with my antics and punching me right back.

"Yeah." I whisper again too scared to make eye contact with the only man I've ever really loved.

"Is that all you have to say Erin? Yeah? Whatever. I'm going to bed." He flips the TV off and removes me from his lap before sliding down in bed.

The lights are still shining bright, I assume for me to get dressed and ready for bed.

"Jay… please. I don't like going to bed mad." I'm speaking to his back and he grunts in reply.

After a few painful minutes I let the tears fall and make my way into the bathroom slamming the door shut.

I wash my face free of my light make up and take in my blood shot eyes; I run a brush through my hair and brush my teeth.

I exit the bathroom to find Jay's eyes closed but his body rigid.

Slowly I strip out of my boots and clothes and into one of Jay's shirts, if he won't comfort me with his embrace tonight I will settle for his scent nestled around me.

I sit on the edge of the bed with my back to his closed eyes and grab the moisturizer from the bedside table.

Slowly I run this over my legs and arms rubbing it in, I know the smell gets to Jay. He always comments on how good I smell when we cuddle before bed.

I hear him sigh loudly and feel him move on the bed, I continue keeping my back to him staring at the wall and not making a move to crawl into bed.

"Just go to sleep Erin, we can talk about this tomorrow." His voice is weary, like he hasn't got the strength to fight tonight.

Sobs start escaping my lips and racking my body. I try and take large gulps of air to calm down but it just makes me worse.

Jay's anger has me upset and terrified. What if I've lost his love for good?

"I'm sorry." I barely get the words out through my sobbing and know I look like a mess.

I can't remember a time I've ever let go in front of Jay, I hate appearing weak.

"I know I don't deserve your love, but now you've finally realized it too." I wail at him as I bend over and put my head in my hands.

Before I know it Jay's strong arms wrap around me and pull me onto his lap.

"Shh, Erin, baby shhh." He whispers into my ear as his hand pushes hair off my wet cheeks and behind my ears.

"I can't lose you." I cry into his chest refusing to meet his eyes.

"Erin, babe you're not losing me. I'm not going anywhere." One of his hands is caressing my bare thigh and rubbing soothing patterns.

"I love you, I will always love you. You haven't nor will you ever lose that. More importantly, you do deserve my love. I'm sorry I made you cry." He presses a kiss to my cheek and then my forehead and I can hear the guilt in his words.

"Don't." I whisper and he freezes for a moment.

A/N: There is of course going to be a part 2. Leave me a review with your thoughts, and I'll get part two up quick for you.

Hope you enjoyed, would love to hear your thoughts :-)