Aubrey was a jerk. It was a plain, simple, undeniable fact. Maybe it could be blamed on the alignment of Saturn with Mercury at the time of his birth, or the fact that his mother continually doted on her first and only child, or that his weak-willed father had never tried to instil an ounce of human decency into his son. Whatever the cause, the outcome was clear. Aubrey was a jerk.
Growing up he had inflicted misery on those unfortunate to have found themselves in his company. At the private day school he had attended from the age of six (mother couldn't bear to part from her dearest darling at the usual school age of five) he had systematically sought out those weaker than himself and used them to secure his position within the class. Aubrey always had first choice of the outdoor toys. Aubrey always got to feed the hamster. Aubrey always won the painting prizes (any worthy opponents had their offerings torn up and hidden behind the radiators).
Things did not improve at the grammar school. Aubrey mastered the art of smarming and charming his way up the social ladder. When Aubrey feared his standard of Latin would not be enough to secure his place at Oxford, Aubrey turned his attentions to the young daughter of the Latin master. Felicity was a gentle, timid girl with huge blue eyes and long silky hair which cascaded in golden waves down to her waist. Unfortunately, Felicity also had a slight stutter which became more pronounced the more nervous she felt. Consequently, despite her stunning looks, she had never found success in the company of boys and was a rather lonely creature.
Aubrey appeared to her as a knight in shining armour. He brought her flowers and chocolates. He slipped poems declaring undying love into her trembling hand (had she paid more attention in English Literature she might have recognised the words copied from Keats and Shelley). And to her everlasting joy he gave her, her first proper kiss as they stood beneath the protective boughs of an ancient oak tree. So when she came upon a clearly devastated Aubrey, apparently wiping tears from his cheeks, she fell upon him in dismay.
Aubrey explained how he had been trying his absolute best for all his teachers, he really had, but maybe he was just a little too distracted lately to produce his best work. Now it seemed his future plans were in tatters, all for the want of a teensy A grade in Latin. Felicity was overcome with guilt – SHE had been the one distracting poor Aubrey, this was all HER fault! She begged and pleaded with him to tell her what she could do to repair the damage, but Aubrey merely sighed and said that it was impossible unless someone miraculously accessed her father's computer records and altered the grade therein. By morning it was done. Aubrey had his A grade and a passage to Oxford. Felicity, having served her purpose, was unceremoniously dumped.
By text.
Oxford proved a different kettle of fish entirely. Aubrey's usual methods did not succeed here at all. The professors saw through his charade and the other students – genuine, hardworking people who truly appreciated their education – would have nothing to do with him. At the end of the first year, he dropped out. Mummy and Daddy were never informed of course, and continued to pay substantial amounts into Aubrey's bank account for tuition fees, subsistence and expenses. In return he regaled them with glowing reports of his regular and outstanding successes.
Aubrey knew that this life-style would be short lived. His 'university' time was only destined to last another year and so an alternative source of steady income needed to be secured. It was at this time that he turned his attentions to Charlotte.
Charlotte was the eldest daughter of Lord and Lady Melkins, a starchy couple who clung steadfastly to their upper class values and truly believed that the 'commoners' should know and be satisfied with their lot in life. They had three daughters altogether and the youngest two had already done extremely well for themselves. By this I mean that they had married themselves into similarly wealthy and established families. Only Charlotte was left at home.
Lord and Lady Melkins had tried in vain to introduce Charlotte to suitable bachelors. There was Gerald whose mother headed an exclusive advertising agency based in New York. Charlotte found Gerald too superficial for her liking. Then there was Miles whose family of nobility could be traced back to the 12th century. Charlotte found him far too dull. There was even Otto, a young man of German parentage whose father had acquired his not inconsequential wealth from diamond mining. Charlotte rejected him too but wouldn't even give a valid reason when her father demanded to know why.
Charlotte had the ridiculous notion that she wanted more from life than mere wealth and prestige. She wanted a career! Her devastated mother had sobbed for hours over this and begged her husband to put an end to such silliness. Lord Melkins stared up into the stern eyes of his great great grandfather and vowed that 'by God Charlotte will be wed and like it!' The portrait frowned back approvingly.
Lord Melkins had come into contact with Aubrey's father on several occasions at Brook's, the gentlemen's club he attended in London. He had heard the glowing reports of Aubrey's achievements and had decided to delve into the background of this prospective son-in-law a little more. It did not take the private detective long to uncover the whole sorry sordid tale. Lord Melkins chuckled to himself as he read the detailed report and decided that yes, Aubrey would be the one.
He arranged a meeting with Aubrey at the Melkins' estate in Royal Tunbridge Wells. He wasted no time in presenting Aubrey with the facts: Aubrey was a soon to be discovered failure. Charlotte needed a husband. Both families were financially secure. Aubrey had twenty-one years of acting experience worthy of several Oscars which had enabled him to swan through life so far. Charlotte needed a husband who would appear to support her fanciful career notions.
Aubrey was silent for a while then enquired what, if anything, was in it for him. Lord Melkins had anticipated this and offered Aubrey the bait. In return for giving Charlotte his name, Aubrey would receive his university degree (forged) and a position as the CEO of an outstandingly successful European company (fictitious). Aubrey accepted the bait with open arms and the deal was done.
Over the coming months Aubrey excelled himself. He memorised all the details supplied by Lord Melkins and became Charlotte's devoted companion. He accompanied her to lectures by eminent archaeologists. He purchased weighty tomes detailing excavations in Egypt and South America. He listened with rapt delight as Charlotte told of her dream to one day uncover a hitherto unknown ancient site and to be the first human in perhaps thousands of years to stand where peoples of old once stood. And it was with the deepest sorrow that he clung to her at the airport as he bid her farewell in order to attend his various business meetings in Tokyo, or Washington, or Paris representing the company he was one day to head.
Lord and Lady Melkins heaved a simultaneous sigh of relief when, after several months of courtship, Aubrey formally asked for Charlotte's hand in marriage.
The wedding was a spectacular affair and was even attended by distant members of the royal family. The happy couple honeymooned in the Seychelles and returned appearing more in love than ever.
It was in March the following year that Charlotte announced she had been offered the opportunity of heading an archaeological dig at the ancient Etruscan site of Felathri in Italy. Secretly she was hoping Aubrey wouldn't want to accompany her. Within months of their wedding his true colours had shown through. He was a selfish bigot who expected to be waited on hand and foot and was incapable of any kind of intelligent conversation at all. Charlotte regretted the marriage whole-heartedly and was truly thankful that the topic of children had never reared its head.
She understood that her parents had been desperate to see her married and for their sakes she would never broach the subject of divorce. It also seemed that as long as she had a gold band on her finger she was free to pursue her dreams of archaeological discoveries without complaint or interference. For this alone she was willing to tolerate her husband's idiocy.
Aubrey, of course, was only too delighted to go with her to Italy. It wasn't like he had anything else to do and frankly he had become rather tired of loitering in hotels for days on end pretending to run a non-existent company.
They arrived at the airport in Pisa then took a taxi the 50km to their hotel in the town near the site of Felathri. Charlotte was due at the dig early the next morning so went to bed leaving Aubrey sipping coffee on the balcony. He glanced over at his sleeping wife and marvelled at how someone as intelligent as she could have been so easily duped by him. Truly his skills were quite wondrous. He basked in his own self-congratulations as he watched the moon rise over the clock tower.
Aubrey lazed in bed till 10 the next morning and after a leisurely shower decided to stroll into the piazza for a bite to eat. It was a cool overcast morning though the hotel receptionist had assured him the sun would be out by noon. Aubrey made his way through the narrow cobbled streets avoiding the main square which seemed to be heaving with people preparing to celebrate some pathetic peasant festival. He found a delightful little coffee house in a deserted street and sat down to enjoy a perfectly prepared espresso.
As he sipped he wondered at his life so far. Being married to Charlotte was undemanding and extremely lucrative. (Part of the deal had been that he would secure a substantial salary for his imaginary job for the rest of his life). However, Aubrey craved something more. Charlotte was too career minded. What he needed was someone a little… what was the word? Ah yes, slutty.
His eyes were drawn to the arrival of a rather striking woman dressed in a bright scarlet jacket over the briefest of miniskirts. Her legs, which seemed endless, were cloaked in sheer silky stockings and her feet bore the kind of stiletto shoes which made lesser men tremble with fear. Her eyes were hidden behind large sunglasses which she removed as she sat at the table next to him.
Aubrey was struck by the deep violet colour of her eyes – contact lenses surely? But they seemed perfect for the unusual but stunning paleness of her skin. She held his gaze with her eyes and for a moment he felt a little light headed.
He raised his empty coffee cup to her in a gesture of greeting.
"Buongiorno," he said, using his best phrase book Italian.
The woman smiled, and Aubrey caught a glimpse of her perfectly white teeth.
"Very good," she said, "I could almost believe you were Italian, if you didn't look quite so sophisticated."
Aubrey beamed.
"Do you know this town well?" he enquired.
"Oh yes," she said. "My family has been a part of this town going back thousands of years."
She laughed, a pleasantly musical sound.
"You could almost say we are royalty."
Aubrey's heart picked up pace as his mind raced through the possibilities. Here was a woman of obvious breeding whose looks were so much more to his taste than Charlotte. And she was clearly already besotted with him! Surreptitiously he slid his wedding ring into his pocket.
The woman continued.
"Perhaps, if you are not too busy, you would care to join my family and I for lunch."
Aubrey could not have wished for anything better, but he decided to play it cool. He glanced at his watch.
"Well I do have an important meeting scheduled for 4pm, but yes, I would be delighted to accept your invitation." He smiled obsequiously and placed a five euro note on the table to pay for the coffee. This would include a handsome tip so she would know he was wealthy.
The woman stood up with him.
"Our home is in a rather historic part of this town," she said, "so unfortunately we are obliged to show groups of visiting tourists around it several times a week."
Aubrey made sympathetic noises to show his empathy.
"I think it's wonderfully generous of your family to open up their home like that, so that the common people can glimpse something to which they might one day aspire," he simpered.
She smiled back and again he felt a quite unnerving shiver run down his spine but put it down to sexual anticipation.
She explained that she would be meeting today's tour group not far from here and if he would care to accompany them to her home he could then stay for lunch after the tour ended.
They met the tour group, a mish-mash of people of all ages who probably didn't have a cultured bone between them. Aubrey sneered and reminded himself how much better he was than any of them. The woman's palatial home was just off the main square. As she pushed open the huge wooden doors which lead into a pleasant courtyard with trickling fountain, Aubrey realised just how wealthy she must be. This place must date back centuries! Looking up from the courtyard there were tall fortress like walls with small narrow windows, and in one corner a large round tower. It was towards this corner that she led them. They passed through another doorway and into a cool marbled corridor leading towards the tower. Some of the tour group whispered excitedly whilst others appeared to be silent and confused.
'Plebs' thought Aubrey as he gazed in rapture at the priceless works of art which adorned the walls.
They were almost at the tower when a door opened and four people hurried towards them. Three of them were clearly of noble origin but the fourth was an untidy girl, obviously some kind of maid. The silly creature even appeared to have spilt water all over the bottom of her jeans. Maybe she was being escorted off the premises for incompetence, he decided.
One of the men turned to speak to the violet-eyed woman and when Aubrey listened he wasn't sure he had heard correctly because it sounded such a bizarre thing to say.
Aubrey could have sworn the man said, "Nice fishing, Heidi."
How strange!
Now, you see, the Volturi aren't so bad after all, are they? Imaginary prizes for anyone naming all the clues pointing to Aubrey being in Volterra at the same time as Edward & Co. By the way, as Edward would say, Felathri really is Volterra - you can Google it!
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