Sam Singer was sitting next to Jessica Moore in English class waiting for Dean Winchester. Dean was almost always late, but Sam was still worried he wouldn't show up. Sam had called him last night, but Dean had barely spoke, limiting himself to one sentence answers. Sam was pretty sure that meant his friend was going into one of his angsty phases again, which meant there was a good chance he would skip class.
Mr. Bell was talking about Hamlet, but Sam wasn't paying attention. He used to be more concerned with grades than anything else, but now he was only concerned with Dean. Who he was with, what he was doing, if he was okay. It consumed a lot of Sam's time.
"I guess Dean's not showing up," Jessica whispered. "Is he being emo again?"
Just as she finished talking Dean walked in and took a seat next to Sam. He groaned and put a hand to his head. "I'm so hungover," he said to Sam.
"Being hungover isn't an excuse for being late, Mr. Winchester," Mr. Bell said. "Soon, I'm going to have to call your parents."
For half a second Dean looked genuinely scared, but then it disappeared. "My mom's dead and my dad doesn't give a shit." Dean was always saying stuff that no one else would be brave enough to say to a teacher. But of course he was so charming he could get away with it.
"That's enough Dean," Mr. Bell said. "I'm sorry about your mother but you can't keep interrupting the class like this. If it's okay with you we're going to start the class now."
"Fine with me," Dean said, putting a pair of sunglasses on and leaning back in his chair.
"Yep, he's being emo again," Sam whispered to Jess. She laughed.
"Look who's talking Mr. Sunshine," Dean said.
"Mr. Sunshine? That's weak, dude," Sam countered.
"Leave me alone it's nine in the morning and I'm dying here!"
"Dean! Sam! If I hear you talking once more and you'll both be kicked out of class," Mr. Bell said.
Dean was about to open his mouth, probably to comment on how that wasn't much of a threat, but Sam didn't want to be kicked out so he glared at Dean, who shut his trap.
At lunch, Sam sat with Dean, Jessica, Gabe, and Cas. Cas was a year older and sometimes thought he was too cool to hang out with his brother, but lately he had been pretty nice to Sam. Sometimes Jo sat at their table, and then Cas never would. Being seen with his brother was one thing, but his younger sister was too lame for him.
Dean sat next to Sam, resting his head on the table while everyone else ate. "I hate my life."
"You should eat something," Sam said.
"Don't mention food or I'll throw up on you."
"Eww," Jessica said. "Why are you so emo today?"
"Because my life is an empty black hole of meaninglessness," Dean said.
"Is he being serious?" Cas said to Sam, who just shrugged.
"Seriously though," Jessica said. "You always get into these depressed moods and never tell us why."
Dean shrugged. "That's because I'm mysterious and sexy." Jessica rolled her eyes. Cas shook his head.
"Ah, so you're not really depressed you're just trying to impress the ladies. Is it working Jess?" Gabe said. Jessica stuck her tongue out. "How about for you Sam?" He had an evil smile on his face. Did he know?
Sam hoped his face didn't turn red. He tried to think of how a normal person would react. "You're an idiot, Gabe."
Gabe's smile never faltered. "I guess it's just me falling for it then."
"Stop being a fag," Cas said.
Sam looked down at his lunch, avoiding eye contact. His brother was far from sensitive about anyone acting 'gay'. He wondered how Cas would react if he knew that his brother was gay.
"Okay, I'm just going to take a nap now," Dean said, laying his arms and head down on the table.
After school, Dean and Sam walked home together, as usual.
"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Sam asked, not very hopefully.
Dean shrugged. "Just stuff."
"Your dad?"
Dean nodded a little. "I don't want to talk about it."
He never wanted to talk about it. Sam wasn't sure what went on with Dean and his dad, just that it wasn't very good. Every time Sam had seen Dean's dad, he was cold and silent, or worse downright cruel. Sam was pretty sure the two Winchesters got into fights all the time.
"You want to come hang out?" Sam asked.
Dean shook his head. "Come to my place, I'd rather it just be us."
Sam's heart skipped a beat. He was more than happy to agree to that. They headed to Dean's house and Dean turned the TV on to his favorite soap, Dr. Sexy M.D. Sam had never told anyone that he watched it, he was just happy that Dean had shared it with him. They sat in silence for a while, before Dean said, "Sam..."
"Yeah?"
Dean looked at him as if he wanted to say something, but he couldn't get the words out. "I..."
"Dean, I've known you for years, you can tell me anything," Sam said.
"No, I can't," Dean said.
Sam was a little hurt, that Dean didn't trust him enough to tell him things. Well, Dean did tell him things, just not everything. And Sam felt that there was one big thing that Dean was hiding. "Why can't you tell me?"
Tears started to form in Dean's eyes. "I want to Sam. You don't know how much I want to tell you. I just can't. It's better this way. Trust me."
Sam wanted to trust him, but what could be so bad that Dean couldn't tell him? Part of him wondered if maybe, just maybe it was the same secret that he was hiding. "Okay, I'm sorry." Tears were now streaming down Dean's face. "Hey... don't cry."
Dean wiped his tears away. Then he rested his head on Sam's shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"Hey..." Sam was feeling a rush of emotions. He felt happy that Dean was on his shoulder, and guilty for feeling that way. But mostly he felt a deep cutting heartache knowing how bad Dean was feeling.
Dean moved his head off Sam's shoulder. Then Sam grabbed his face and pulled it towards his, kissing him hard. For a moment he lingered, their lips touching each other. Then he stuck his tongue in Dean's mouth, and moved it around wildly savouring the moment in case it never happened again. Dean kissed him back with the same intensity. Both boys were holding on to the kiss for dear life.
They had kissed just once before. It was several months before. One night they were just talking and laughing, and Dean had just kissed him. It was just a quick peck on the lips, and then Dean had pretended it never happened. Sam spent months trying to analyze it, but he never did figure it out.
But this kiss, Sam could tell that Dean meant it. Sam was ready to take full advantage of this. He pinned Dean down on the couch, laying on top of him, kissing him harder. Dean was clawing hard at his back. Sam could hardly stand it anymore and reached for Dean's zipper.
"Hey," Dean said pulling away. "No." There were tears in his eyes again.
Sam immediately felt guilty. How had he got so carried away so fast? "I'm sorry... I-"
"-I think you should go."
"Dean, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I was being stupid," Sam said.
Dean was full on crying now, looking away. "Just go."
"Can I call you later to talk?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, okay," Dean said. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Sam said, feeling more confused than he ever had in his life. "How about you call me when you're ready to talk?"
"Okay," Dean said before slamming the door on Sam leaving him to wonder, What the hell just happened?
