—
She is highly impossible, Levi thinks, watching Mikasa from the short distance between them. He doesn't know where she gets that intolerable attitude of hers, nor does he understand why he deals with it either. It's all a confusing matter to him, falling in love with the woman, and keeping her close to his side. Sometimes he wonders if he's the one that's going crazy around here.
The chances to that guess is very probable, just like the chances of him saying yes to her is also likely as well, much to his usual disappointment.
"So is that a yes?"
Levi feels the sides of his temples throbbing, his eyes narrowing into slits, and his mouth pressing into a somber line. The words spoken, leaving such a sour taste in his mouth.
"Don't make me say it." He sighs heavily, rubbing the palm of his hand over his face. "If I'm going to do this, you're going to have to agree to my terms."
Mikasa doesn't refuse the idea, nor does she reply back with a witty comment(which is unusual for her not to). Instead, her lips curl up into a smile, and her hands lace behind her back in acceptance.
"Let's hear them." She replies, inching closer to him in his bed. He brings a finger to his chin, further debating on what these said conditions were going to be, and how he was going to go about them. Surely, if he was going to do the deed that was being asked of him, he was going to figure out something amounted to the request. And knowing Mikasa, she would do them without a second thought.
He suppose it had something to do with her unyielding pride.
They were just too alike, both grounding and willing to take up on anything.
Racking up on his thoughts, he couldn't help but drown in a stream of nostalgia.
Dealing with Mikasa and all her glory was something that even he, supposedly Humanity's Strongest, could never accomplish—even in the years of their striving relationship. Three years, five months, and eleven days— he still had troubles handling her temper, constant fuming, overused nicknames, and his personal favorite; the strength that never ceased to impress him. As a captain, and as her man.
Spoken by experience, he knew well not to underestimate her power as a woman. Her crude personality as well as her beauty could never be ruled over by anyone— not by Eren, and surely not by the likes of him. And that, that alone, somehow pushed him to believe that there was no one like her in this world.
No one till this day has proven him wrong, much to his expectation.
The first year of her recruitment, he had gathered information of the issues standing in between them. The grudges against him. Something about ass handling Jaeger in the court or being too strict on the boy—which he agreed at some point in time. But despite her hatred towards him, he couldn't help but feel intrigued by her fury. Her passion to protect what's close to her.
It wasn't long after before he made his first move. Of course, Mikasa wasn't the type to take kindly to his flirting— if that would explain his clumsy acts of approach. She was far beyond accepting his forced words and over priced presents. If anything, she thought of them as his way of mocking her, or in her words, 'underestimating her strength'.
"Are you sick?" She questioned in a maddening voice.
He blinked in amount to the thrashing of his heart beat. The words from her mouth fueling a rage just beneath the layer of his skin. "Come again?"
She sighed angrily„ dropping the gift wrapped prettily in red ribbons and stepping over it with the bottom of her boots. "I don't know what game you're playing at," she narrowed her eyes, "but don't overestimate my strength." Her voice shook with riveting power, cold and inflected, leaving him speechless to the rejection of his feelings.
He couldn't remember anything after that, only in short, his infatuation for her just grew even stronger than before.
That was the day he decided he wanted nothing more than to make that woman his, and his alone.
Such memories embodied his passion for her attention. The investment of time he spent on her, day after day. It was embarrassing, now that he thought about it. But it was because of that passion that he was now with her till this day.
"Condition number one: tell me you love me." He cupped her face between his hands. She stared back up at him, settling her depleted body against his, and bringing her finger to his forehead.
"That's all?" She asked, pushing a strand of his hair to the side.
He glared at the way her lips graced into a smile. "Somehow, that pisses me off." He clipped in an annoyed voice, pulling her waist closer to him. "I want to hear you say it."
—
Their arguments always consisted of bitter words and constant battles over who was right and wrong.
Even to this day, their disputes continued whenever they returned back from an exhausting journey beyond the walls, both entirely tense and pent-up with bottled up rage.
"Ackerman, a word."
The way her eyes narrowed into slits gave away that she was anything but forgiving towards him. In fact, he could sense the refusal in the movements of her body, and the lack of eye contact that she was giving him.
He knew exactly what she was angry about.
"I had no choice." He spoke, reading the gestures he grew so accustomed to. "Don't expect an apology." As if he was going to regard her with one. Hell, he had too much pride in him and being the captain, his decisions were always considered thoroughly before being acted upon. Just as they always have been.
Apparently, she thought otherwise.
"Don't give me that." She snapped with icy precision. "I could have dealt with the Titans on my own. You just didn't think I could do it." She glared. "You had no choice? Right. Because being captain gives you the privilege to say or do whatever you want. Well guess what Corporal—"
Levi curled both hands into balls, particularly too pissed at the way she spoke the title of his name as if it was goddamn joke to her.
"I could care less about your decisions, I kill when I want to. Don't try to stop me."
If it was any other day, he would easily have brushed it off. But today— oh, he was definitely beyond lenient on letting such words go. He was the captain, and regardless of their relationship, he would set her straight.
"Simply put, you're not strong enough to take them all on your own." He stated bluntly. "Regardless of what you 'think' about my orders, you're still under my command, which I will remind you, does not mean you can run your mouth and do whatever the hell you want." He narrowed his eyes, grounding his teeth way beyond normality. He was sure they were close to shattering if he added more pressure into it.
As if being insulted, Mikasa dug both heels into the ground, using both hands to grab at his cravat—directing everyone's attention towards them as she pulled his face up to hers, her lips set back over her teeth. "You could have died." She drawled out, her hands shaking to the spoken words. Levi was beyond surprised—nearly gaping at the way her lips were trembling and the way her eyes shook with unmistakable concern in the depths.
It was the first time he saw her so frightened. Mikasa Ackerman, scared at the thought of losing him.
If the situation was any different, he would have reveled in the way she said it—but here, in front of everyone, he wasn't going to stand down and let her have her way. Despite how much he wanted to hold her and kiss her at the moment.
"But I didn't." He quickly reassured, keeping his voice firm. "So quit worrying Ackerman. It's my duty to lead the squad."
The grip on his cravat tightened even further. "I'm worrying because I love you!" She bellowed out, her voice quivering to the words.
Time froze into place.
Everyone stared in stony silence, their eyes widening to the sudden outburst—matching quite well to the expression on his face.
"What did you say?" He braced her shoulders with the force of his hands, his own voice shaking with either joy or shock. Both, he assumed. "S-Say that again."
She dropped her head against his chest, looping her arms around his neck in search of some sort of comfort to be found. "I said I love you." It was barely audible, but he heard it. Those three words that did no justice to his feelings at all.
It was then, that he decided, to hell with who's right or wrong—this woman professed her love, and he'd be a damn fool not to kiss her right now.
Acting without much of a word, he pulled her body in closer, tilting her chin into place and crushing his lips against hers, as if their time together was only limited and he was tasting her lips in fright that this was all just an illusion.
But to his satisfaction, it was reality. And her lips stayed fixed, like they belonged there along with his.
The crowd of soldiers around them all cheered in hysteria, fists pumping into the air and cries of, 'Humanity's Strongest Pair!' going around, regardless of just returning back from being so close to death. Everyone seemed too distracted by their affection for each other to even care anymore.
And Levi could agree that he was on mutual grounds with the rest of them.
"Took you long enough." He murmured against her soft lips. "I love you too." He sighed happily, bracing his arms around her body.
That day, he understood with perfect clarity, on how easily three words could bring him such great amount of happiness.
—
"I love you."
He could hear those words just about a hundred more times, and it still had this lethal effect on him. She, in all her perfection, had this deepening impact in his life, whether he liked it or not.
Each and every moment, Levi was certain that their love grew without an exception of a passing day.
"Submissive for once." He trailed his fingers down the slope of her back, giving her a gentle kiss to the forehead before continuing. "Beautiful." She was nothing short of it. Even his words could never sum up to the amount of perfection in which she held.
And he was always certain to remind her; morning to evening. Day after day. Year upon year. Whenever the occasion, he would always point out her beauty with just a single word.
"Flattery?"
He shook his head. "Truth, Ackerman." The way her eyes glittered with appreciation sent shock waves through his body. Like fireworks exploding with their brilliance, or a flame igniting a light in the solitude of a barren, dark place. She had this exact effect on him. It was like a curse or a blessing—both keeping him close on his toes, waiting for her love to fuel his operating engines.
And call him a selfish bastard, but he was drowning in every last bit of her.
"Condition two?"
She brought his face near hers, tender lips just barely grazing against his. "Hn…"
"Tell me." She murmured softly. "What's condition two?" Her gaze drifted towards his chest, fingers trailing up and down the slim of his muscles.
If she wasn't so damn seductive and so close to his body, his thoughts would be running on full throttle. Clear and thorough. But Mikasa was just sly like that—causing him to be so powerless in her company. It was almost embarrassing to be this affected.
It was an odd experience to him, but he couldn't disagree that it was a journey worth riding.
"Condition two: believe in me."
Her thick lashes fluttered instantly, vibrant eyes reaching his icy pupils for a reasoning—an answer behind his demand.
He gave her a warm smile.
—
Their first date was one that could be recorded down as the most embarrassing date of them all.
He was sure to be prepared for their arrangement—maybe too prepared, if he thought about it now. It was nerve-wracking for him, waiting idly for her to walk down the corridors, adorned in nothing but a scarlet dress—lips finished with a perfect shade of pink. The sight of her, he couldn't remember ever seeing something so beautiful—so graceful, like a painting breathing itself to life. He was awestruck beyond his control, and the shaking of his hands didn't help maintain with his icy façade at all.
"Are you okay?" She asked, quickly picking up on his nervousness.
Shit, she could see right through him so easily.
Do something you idiot! Anything dammit!
He closed his eyes for a brief moment, calming his screaming nerves before responding back to her. "Fine. We should leave now. " He had to play it cool in front of her.
If not, it would dictate just how bad this night would end up.
And he wasn't willing to look like a fool in front of Ackerman.
She just stared after him, giving it one hard look before nodding her head in acceptance. And thank the Gods that she did, because It would be bothersome on his part if she knew how anxious she made him feel. How particularly shaken her presence did to him.
It was then, at that exact moment, when he realized he was in trouble.
Corporal Levi, captain of the Survey Corps, and the man rumored to be the best soldier of them all, was falling deeply—dangerously for his recruit. More quickly than he expected in the coming days spent with her.
Good grief, he was worse than Kirschtein in ways he couldn't even believe himself. Did he actually surpass the brat's infatuation when it came to Ackerman? Surely he was losing his control if that was the case.
This was more troublesome than he thought. There was no guarantee that their hands would stay fit together in the future ahead.
Rather, the chances of them still being together was slim to zero, thinking about it now.
Promises and bonds could easily be broken. He knew this, expected this, and realized it all the moment he announced their relationship.
But who was he if he didn't take up on defeating such an expected outcome? He would prove something like that wrong. Because he couldn't just leave it up to fate. He wouldn't.
For her, he wanted to believe in this. In the relationship they built together.
"Where are we going?" He could sense the slight impatience in her voice. She was just as irritable as he was. Typical for Mikasa, given that he dealt with it up to now.
He fastened his hand around hers. "Do you trust me?" He wanted to know if she placed her belief into their relationship just as much as he did.
No, correction, he needed to know.
There was a pause to her answer, injecting some sort of fear through him that she hasn't completely let him into her life yet. It was an unbelievable thought, considering all the times they spent with each other, but despite being so close, it wasn't impossible after all.
"I don't necessarily trust you." She confirmed his suspicions. His heart managed a throbbing squeeze, sucking out the remaining bit of air from his lungs.
"But I don't distrust you either." She finished with a promising look.
His eyes widened. "Mikasa?" It was the first time he spoke of her name. No formality regarding their places in the Survey Corps. It wasn't just them being Superior and Subordinate anymore. It was now an earnest relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend.
"It's going to take time," she carried on, squeezing his hand from underneath, "but as long as you wait for me, I will come to trust you."
He caught his breath. The sight of her smile broke through the walls of his uncertainty, sinking him deep inside a pool of a new sort of hope—slowly, words of doubt have drifted from his thoughts, replaced with an unfamiliar but comforting feeling of something just beyond his understanding.
Love, he realized, was very much like a book.
In the beginning there is a mystery that unfolds; in the end there is a resolution that settles the subtlety. But in between where the certainty and the emotions arise, that in all its' simplicity, is what makes the story worth enjoying.
"I'll wait." He replied back, steel-blue eyes piercing into her clouded ones. "Always."
Her lips gave a gentle tilt, fingers lacing between his own.
"If you're done being nervous, let's hurry on before I lose my patience."
"Knowing you, its been lost the moment you left your room."
"Aren't you observing." She uttered sarcastically. "Eren wouldn't act like this if we were on a date together."
He shot her a cold glare. "Jaeger won't have the pleasantry of taking you out on a date. As a matter of fact, there will be no chances of him claiming you when I'm around."
"You're so sure?"
He arched a brow. "Hn, am I wrong?"
Mikasa shook her head and brought herself closer to him. "No, you're completely right. As long as you keep me close." She rested the weight of her head against his arm. He had to look away to mask the redness in his cheeks, before smiling through the strands of her hair in satisfaction.
"Aa, you can trust me on that."
—
"I believe in you."
Her soft, velvety voice ran dangerous chills down his spine— his heart hammering hard against the border of his chest repeatedly; over and over again.
If heaven were anything like this, gathered between his arms with a promising smile, he wouldn't fear death in the way others have. He would accept it like he accepted her. Trusting and undoubting, as if they were just natural instincts to him.
"My ship has sunken." He chuckled to himself, sighing afterwards in either satisfaction or disappointment. At this point, he wasn't too sure himself anymore. "Who would have thought it would be you to sink me." He locked gazes with her.
Mikasa hovered her mouth over his, batting her lashes innocently to his words. "But I rescued you." She replied. And it might as well be true, despite the irony of it all.
"I wouldn't need rescuing if you hadn't sunk me in the first place."
"If I do recall back, it was you who pursued me first. So that means you brought it upon yourself."
He rolled his eyes. There was too much truth to that statement.
"Tch. I can never win against you."
She pressed her plump lips against his in response, sweet and enticing, just like her whole existence to him.
"I know." She hummed, catching her breath to stare back down at him. "Isn't that why you love me?"
True, he always admired her for the reason of always challenging him to the point of complete madness. But, it wasn't why he loved her. No, there was more to his love for her, than simply just that.
Her entirety as a soldier and as a person, he loved all of it. Maybe a little too much for his liking.
But Mikasa, he was almost certain that his lonely existence could be filled with hers only.
Her beauty, strength, and bitter constant objections—they were every little part of her that he could never get tired of. All of it, just as beautiful as she was.
And then came her little habits. He's grown accustomed to her messes around his room, leaving most of her belongings or a distinctive scent of hers behind for him to relish in. He found it bothersome at first, but quickly disregarded it, having been so used to it after a few months of their relationship. Sometimes, when there wasn't any scheduled training between the two, she would intentionally wake up early in the morning and slide herself out of bed to make him breakfast—crisp toast with a side of eggs; just how he savored it.
It wasn't so much of a bother to him, these endearing gestures, but it just felt like she was more… permanently settled into his life.
And for some odd reason, he didn't mind it at all. Rather, he prefer having her by his side like this in some sense.
Occasionally, on the days she would sleep over, Levi always made sure there was just enough room in his bed for her wanted company. Always remembering to add another blanket or two— just in case she hogged one of them like she always did(despite her constant refusals that she didn't). Though, even if he felt cold from the lack of warmth, he would wrap his arms around her to replace the chilling air with the comfort of her body temperature.
They eventually got used to each other.
Habits became daily routines; life became more joyful— more filling.
What should have been a life for himself, suddenly became a life for the both of them, he realized soon enough.
—
"Mikasa," Levi began, thinking. "This can't work. We can't keep doing this." There was a slight cringe to her face once the words processed out of his mouth. He felt like he was walking on thin ice.
"We? Or do you mean you?" She argued back.
A tormented expression marred his features, causing his breath to hitch in the back of his throat.
"I'm giving you the choice to go."
"Doesn't seem much of a choice to me. All you're doing is running away."
Levi sighed. Was he running away? The weight of her words were just as heavy as the weight in his chest, that he couldn't deny. If he continued with this, this relationship of theirs, it would only cause her pain and suffering. And that, that was something he would rather lose her over now, then to imagine the pain of her existence withering away from him in the future.
The stronger the feelings; the heavier the burden. And he just couldn't find it in himself to do it anymore.
"Call it what you will." He turned his back to her. "But what we have is over." He affirmed in a cold voice.
He wouldn't turn around to face her. He couldn't.
"Levi."
Don't do it.
"Look at me."
Dont turn around. Don't you fucking dare.
"Is…is there really no other way? Am I not good enough for you anymore?" Her voice cracked almost painfully. "Don't you love me?" It was as if her voice was similiar to that of a broken instrument. The beauty of the sound which once filled his loneliness was now causing the very thing he tried to rid himself from with her very existence. The irony of it, he laughed in his mind.
"Don't you get it Ackerman? I'm your captain. That's all I'll ever be and you'll always be my recruit. Until the day I die and you step forward to take my place… that, that is our future—"
"Don't give me that!"
Her mouth trembled in turn with the clenching of her fists. "Don't make such sorry excuses for yourself, it's pathetic. If you're going to leave then do it." She glared. "But don't go off deciding what our future is if you can't even man up enough to face it."
The truth of her words broke through his standing walls. Everything he once drove himself from came racing back.
She was right. He was running away from the fear of detachment. The fear of losing her from his life, and not being able to endure the pain from the bitter loss. It was clear as day to both of them. His silence spoke the words he couldn't bring himself to say:
I can't lose you…
Their gazes locked. Onyx to blue. Both searching for answers to the broken silence.
"Is it really over?"
No. I still love you.
"… I should leave."
Don't go. Stay here with me.
He grabbed her wrists abruptly, desperation just beneath his eyes. "I'm not good at this Mikasa. Hell, you're the first to ever make me feel like this way. I guess what I'm trying to say is," Levi brought his fingers to her cheeks, brushing loose strands of hair away from her face. "The thought of losing you… I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I wouldn't be able to bear it." Oxygen struggled to reach his lungs, the pain shooting in every direction of his body. He was suffocating in his words, battling the strong division between reality and the dark state of his oblivion.
He wanted to believe in something more. Something realistic. Not just the illusion in his mind, but the image of a future where they could be with each other, in the midst of their peaceful lives together. That… was what he truly wanted.
"I'll repeat myself once more… I'm giving you the choice to go."
"And if I don't?" She asked. "What if I refuse to leave?"
Levi exhaled sharply. "I can't promise you a future that you will like. There will be bloodbath and the chances of one of us dying."
The truth seemed to sink into her skin. Her eyes wavered for a moment—and all he wanted was for her to leave. To move on and to find a brighter future for herself. A path which he didn't belong in.
He wanted this for her. It was all he could give.
But despite his inner conscience, there was a small part of him that was asking for her to stay. To be here with him.
"I'll take my chances." She smiled softly, looping the length of her arms around his neck. "A future without you wouldn't suit me." She whispered. "So believe in me. In us."
And that was all he really needed to hear. Nothing else could convince him otherwise.
"I will." He brought her into his arms. "I'll believe in us."
—
"So have you thought of one yet?"
Levi nearly rolled his eyes. "You must think highly of me if you believe I'm capable of coming up with one."
"You promised."
"I did." He nodded. "But you never insisted on a time limit."
Mikasa groaned in irritation. Apparently indicating that he was the worst form of male to ever existed in her eyes.
"We don't have much time you know."
Levi glanced down. "Hn, I suppose you're right." It was becoming more obvious each passing day.
"So then hurry up!" She barked.
Clearly, he wasn't going to win against her with this one.
Levi brought his palm over to the width of her abdomen, rubbing the area gently, before smirking to himself when he felt a slight kick underneath.
"Rikasa." He sighed. "Her name will be Rikasa then." He figured it was as good as it would get.
"Rikasa."
Even the name sounded beautiful coming from the woman bearing his child. He couldn't help but smile to himself.
"There. Happy?"
She nodded. "Very." And he had never seen Mikasa Ackerman so radiant in his life before. It was a wonderful sight to his eyes.
"You never told me your last condition." She quickly remembered. "What is it?"
Levi sighed heavily, bringing his hands to his pockets, before staring back up at her.
"I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad,"
"Levi…?"
"in sickness and in health,"
"Don't tell me that you're…"
"I will honor you and love you for all the days of my life… So Mikasa Ackerman, will you marry me?"
He opened the small box with the help of his fingers, offering the diamond ring as he knelt down to one knee and took her hand into his.
"This is really corny you know."
He couldn't agree more. Hanji somehow managed to convince him that this was the best way to propose.
"Keep in mind that this ring is not refundable… but don't let that affect your answer by any means." He let out a low chuckle. "So what is it?"
Mikasa brought both hands to her stomach. "Shouldn't it be obvious?"
"Tch. Give me the benefit of the doubt at least."
"Yes! Why would my answer be anything else? We're starting a family together Levi… The future that we've always wanted." She smiled through tears.
Ah, he thought to himself. Love was very much like a book.
In the beginning there is a mystery that unfolds; in the end there is a resolution that settles the subtlety. But in between where the certainty and the emotions arise, that in all its' simplicity, is what makes the story worth enjoying.
And their journey together has only just begun.
[Fin]
—
S/N: Reviews are appreciated :)
