A/N All OLTLcharacters are not owned by me. they are the property of ABC and there is no infringment intended here.


Chapter 1

Natalie come out... come out here and talk to me" John called into the bathroom door after she ran in there. She was upset, mortified and he knew it; it was his fault, yet again. The ring, she saw the ring and assumed he was ready but he wasn't sure... all of a sudden he wasn't sure if he was right too ask, if they were right together... if they could make it forever.

"What the hell is wrong with you Natty... what have you become?" she asked herself quietly as she heard him yell thru the door to her. She had made the biggest fool of herself and she didn't think she'd get over it, not this time... she felt... felt... as if she hit rock bottom... as if she didn't recognize herself anymore, who she was, what had she become? What did loving him so much turn her into?

The tears they came, they ran, and fast down her cheeks and she didn't have the energy to wipe them away, not a single one, instead she pulled her body down to the cold floor in the bathroom, pulled her knees to her chest and held herself, herself. That was all she felt she had now, herself... and... Even herself... she didn't trust at this moment... she didn't know this person she was, she wasn't the same AC girl with spirit, full of life, ready to take on the world. She was a mess… all cause of a man... and loving him... way too much... losing herself in him...too much.

"Natalie... open the door... lets talk...come on... we can work this out" his last words had her tears subsiding, they could work things out... maybe he really was going to ask her; maybe she just jumped the gun? She shook her head

"You pathetic ass" she stood and looked at herself in the mirror " look at you..." she told herself softly and she took a long moment and looked at her face. She didn't like what she saw, she didn't...

"Natalie.… come on... we love each other... open the door"

One last glance... at the image she finally saw in front of her, someone, she didn't even recognize... she shook her head yet again.… wiped her eyes for now... and knew exactly was she needed to do.… had to do.

Natalie unlocked the bathroom door, she walked towards him slowly as she saw him put his arms out as she looked him in the eyes.

"Sometimes love... Isn't enough" she told him softly and moved around his arms... over towards the front door of the room. She turned slightly for a moment, hoping, praying she could find enough of herself .…her old strong self to go thru with this , this time. She closed her eyes briefly and then reopened them and met his. She saw his shocked expression.

"I'll send someone for my stuff" was all she said as she walked out the door of his place, of home...as she walked slowly still fighting the tears that yet again teetered in her eyes, the pain that engulfed her heart. She walked ... from what she had become while loving him in hopes of finding who she once was so long ago