John had stared out of the window since he woke. It was 5 pm now. He didn't slept very well. The nightmares were back. He stood up at 4 am. The living room is so empty without Sherlock. Sherlock is dead. It will be 3 years tomorrow. John had never believed it. He wish it'd never happend. It was all his fault, he thought. Mrs Hudson, Molly and Mycroft were visiting him very often. He'd never really noticed it. One day, it was John's birthday, the ring belled. He was still sad and went slowly to the door. He said that no one should come to his birthday because he wanted to be alone. On the way downstairs he remembers his last birthday with Sherlock...

"Hey! John! JOOOHN!" Sherlock yelled at his door. „What is it?" he asked half asleep. „Come here! It's your birthday! Please! I made some tea! And brought milk!" Sherlock shouted and knocked on the door. John throw a pillow against the door. „That didn't make any sense, John. The door is close. Please hurry up!" Sherlock begged like a little girl. John thought he heard Sherlock stamped with the foot. „Ugh.. okay. But I'll take a shower first." John said lazily. „I swear you, if you won't be here in 20 minutes I come in!" John heard Sherlock go away. He sighed and stood up. After the shower he walked with his towel to the living room. Sherlock turned around and sighed. „It's your birthday. Can you suit you up please?" Sherlock shooked his head. „Why? Are we gonna out?" John asked slowly. „Yes! Go on!" he barked. „You said I must've been here in 20 minutes. I hadn't enough time." John grinned at him. Sherlock raised his hand and show to John's bedroom. John turned around and let his towel dropped on the floor. After 5 minutes he was ready. They both ate the breakfast and Sherlock pushed John outside. It was a sunny day. They tooked a cab and had the nicest day John had since he was in Afghanistan. They arrived late at night. John slept at Sherlocks shoulder. Sherlock walked with him to his bedroom, even both of them are half asleep. Sherlock laid John onto his bed. He took him the clothes off. His t-shirt and boxers were left. Sherlock took the cover and slide John under it. He closed the door and went to his own room. It was the last day of Sherlock...

John went downstairs. It was a rainy day. He opened the door and was shocked.

His clothes were wet. The rain drops fell from his black curls. The first second, John raised his hand and pushed it in Sherlocks face. Sherlock went two steps backwards to find his balance. John was shocked by his own behaviour and at the other second, he had his arms around Sherlock. Sherlock hugged him back. He walked to the door and closed it – still hugging John. He noticed very silence sobs from the shorter man. He started to hug him thighter. „I'm here. I deserved the hit. Please let me try to explain it to you." Sherlock started after 5 minutes of hugging. John nodded. He couldn't speak. Sherlock put him closer in his arms and went upstairs. They sat on the couch and John laid his head in Sherlock lap. He started to put his wet clothes off and took a blanket behind the couch and laid it on them. John tried to stop crying but he couldn't. Sherlock cuddled John's hair. „Okay. Please tell me.." said John between his sobbings. Sherlock nodded. „Moriarty told me if I won't jump he shoot you, Ms Hudson, Mycroft and Lestrad. I remember he said an other name.. Greg. I don't know who that is or was..." Sherlock stopped. „Lestrad, Sherlock. His firstname is Greg. He had told it to you." John stopped to cry and begins to laugh a bit. Sherlock knew of course Lestrad first name. He just want to hear John laugh. „Oh.." Sherlock laughed a bit too. He was happy when John was happy. „Can you go on, please?" he heard John after a while of silence. „Sure. My apologies. Uhm.." Sherlock told him everything he knows. And that he watched John at his tomb. At this point John started to cry again. Sherlock put him up and stroke his back. He went sad too. It was 1 am. „Come John. We both need some sleep. I continued tomorrow, okay? I promise it." Sherlock said after a yawn from John. „Okay." he said half asleep. Sherlock put him up and walked with him to his bedroom. John was a bit afraid of it because he had never been in Sherlocks room after his 'death'. „Lay down." he said to John who yawned and slid under the blanket. Sherlock was on the way out of his room but John hold him at his wrist. „Please don't go. As you was gone I had the nightmares again. You can handle with it. I.. I can't. When I woked up with a scream I couldn't felt asleep again. Please. You can always calm me down and I always could sleep again." John begged with pleading eyes. It was heart-breaking how Johns dark brown eyes looked at him. He nodded and slid under the blanket. One moment later John felt asleep. Sherlock laid with his back to him. He heard John sobbing again. He turned over to him and put him to his cheast. „I'm here. I swear I'm never going to leave you again. It was my biggest fault I did in my life. I'm so sorry what I've done to you. I hate myself for that. Can you please forgive me? I never leave you again." Sherlock said with tears fallin' from his eyes. John was awake. He pulled himself up and took Sherlock into a hug. „I know. But please. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. It's nobodys fault. Of course I forgive you." he said with a smile in his words. He looked in Sherlocks ice blue eyes. He leand forward and kissed him gently. After some moments Sherlock realised he was still kissing John. His mind is lazy. He was 3 days without sleep. He hadn't knew how to go to John. He was still planning it but as he realised it was Johns birthday today he went straight to Bakerstreet. He hoped he was still there. And he was. He stoped thinking as he realised he hadn't enough oxygen in his lungs. John felt the same and they broke the kiss. They stared at each other. „I missed you." John said and laid his head back against Sherlocks thin but strong cheast.