Big Girls Don't Cry...

Jessica had lead a happy, normal life as a freshman in school, but now, as summer takes it course, her life starts to head for the worse as she goes through a depression due to life at home as well as her social life with her friends. She tries her hardest to stay calm, but stands aside –looking into the mirror as she falls apart.

-- Introduction --

Dear Diary,

There had never been a time in my life where I had never thought that this would start to happen to me at all. The feelings start to grow and get worse as I sit alone on days where it is raining or too hot to go outside. While sitting alone U start to wonder what I probably could have done to change events that seem to be going on in my life and yet no answer seems to show itself. The ways that I have come calm myself or make the thoughts stop during really offal times seem to be making it worse and even making me sick. I never thought it could get that bad this quickly.

Something as small or as simple as a mistake made by a friend or a relative should be overlooked, and I fail at that as well. I must think deeply about whatever happens to me or to one of my friends and analyze it down to the very last detail. God, how I hate myself for it. I can't walk outside without having the need to look around and think of ways how a beautiful day could go wrong, or even how a sad, down day could get even worse with the crash of thunder or maybe even the fall of hard rain and hail. Would I feel better if whatever was around me started to fall down and myself standing there watching, thinking that I should be pretty good since I am not as damaged as what is around me. There I see nothing good out of what I think or what I see since what I think or see ends up on paper. Either in a poem or in a picture that shows how I feel about my life and about the world, but the pictures are not in vibrant colors like green, pink, or red. They are in white, gray, and black – thick black and gray shades overlapping the figures in the picture. Only when I sit back and look at the picture do I feel the least bit of comfort. Not because I have created a piece of work I can be proud of – for I am not happy about what I draw – but I can relax a little finding that I had released all of the feelings I had locked up inside for so long.

Of course, putting it down on paper was, almost, the only way I would release my held in emotions and thoughts. After it started to get worse did I see what I was doing to myself...what horrid things I did to myself...

What is happening to me, Diary?

Your friend, Jessica


This was only the introduction to "Big Girls Don't Cry" and more will be added soon. Please review.