Dear Steve,
I am writing you this letter, because I am afraid and ashamed to look you in the face. You'll be glade to know I am remembering things. Not much, but bits and pieces. Some times I have dreams about the past.
I remember Lucy Showkey, how you had such a cruse on her. I remember how she told me one day that she would only go out with you if I would take her out on the sly. If not she was going to make your life a living hell. I told her that is she hurt you I would tell every one she was a slut, and that I had been in her pants more than once. She slapped me and said she would tell every one that I was a liar. I just smiled and said what are they going to believe, her the girl that had a date every week end or me. Funny back then that sort of thing could ruin a girl for life, now no one cares if a girl has had sex with every boy in school.
I remember Mrs. Henoch, in the 7th grade giving both of us hell one day when we couldn't stop giggling. Funny can't remember what set us off.
I remember Friday nights, taking turns sleeping over at each others homes. Your Mom making cookies, or my Dad making popcorn. I remember the faces of some of the people I killed. I wonder some times if Dum Dum would have forgiven me for killing him, or Tony Stark will forgive me for killing his parents. I know they will tell me that it was not my fault what happened. But I still see those faces every night when I close my eyes. I hate Hydra for what they did to me and what they made me do. I want to kill all of them, but I know that would be a bad idea right now. They are looking for me I know that. I changed my looks as much as I can and keep my left arm and hand covered. I'm all so leaving the state. I won't tell you where I'm going , don't really know my self, yet.
I want you to do some thing for me Steve, please don't try to find out where I am. I am no longer the man I was when you knew me , nor am I any longer the man Hydra made me into. I don't know who I am right now, but I am going to find out. I promise I will write you from time to time to let you know how I am doing. But please don't try to find me. I need to do this by my self. I love you Steve, if it was not for you I would have put my gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. I swear I will return to you a whole man once more. Pray for me.
Your Friend James Buchanan Barns.
