Chapter One: Stay Here, With Me
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~ Narnia ~
"Don't watch her walk away. Do not. It will be easier if you simply don't look. Wait, is she coming back?" He looked up, focusing solely on the Narnian Queen as she turned away from her siblings.
"What is the matter with me? Why would I do something so cruel? I have no hope of ever returning, so why should I leave him with a promise which can't ever be?" She glanced at him once more, regret and uncertainty in her clear eyes. "Oh, Caspian, ask me. If what I felt between us means anything at all, then ask me to stay here – with you – and I will. Just ask."
"Would it be wrong of me to declare my feelings toward her? Would it be wrong to say I love her as she leaves? Or will it be wrong of me to let her go without ever knowing how I felt?" He gazed after them, after her, warring with his conscience.
{~~~~X~~~~}
"Susan," he paused, lifting a hand towards her, dark eyes begging for attention; the wind rushed softly around them as he called out to her. Susan looked back, and he spoke.
"Stay with me, I love you."
Her blue eyes widened slightly, and if he was entirely focused on the people behind him and those around him – which he wasn't – then he would have heard the quick intake of breath as they waited for her response. Slowly, something changed in Susan's eyes and a tremulous smile came to her lips, but she did not respond. Her shoulders seemed to tremble slightly, as if she might cry, but she did not. Instead she looked over at her brother.
Caspian turned his gaze on the High King also, suddenly wondering what he might think of the words just uttered. The two young men had been at odds for so long, and had only recently fallen into agreeable, almost comradely, terms. Would this declaration, so hurriedly spoken, change that? Caspian hoped not, yet feared now that it might. But instead of the blond High King speaking his opinion on the matter, he turned his eyes – blue, like his sister's – on Aslan, who was watching these actions silently, the wind hardly ruffling His tawny mane.
And then the Lion spoke. "Is this what you want, Daughter of Eve, Son of Adam?" He asked, passing a golden gaze from one to the other.
"Yes, I-I think so, Aslan," Susan answered, taking one step forward, darting a glance at Caspian before looking to the Lion again.
"But is this something you truly long for; more than the life waiting for you in England?" Aslan asked, peering at her with knowing, unfathomable eyes.
"Oh, it is more than anything I've wanted before," Susan answered, her voice slowly growing confidant.
"And you are sure of your choice? This is not a matter to decide on a whim, daughter," Aslan told her with great care, wanting the Queen to understand that if she pledged herself to this world there would be no return from her promise. It would change her life and her siblings' forever. Susan would remain here, and they would go back– without her.
Susan looked away from the Great Lion and turned her gaze on her brothers and sister; her heartbeat increased as she looked from Peter, to Edmund, to Lucy. Could she do this without them? Could she stay behind as they went on ahead, living out their lives in England while she lived hers here in Narnia as a queen? Would such a thing be fair, knowing how long Peter had yearned to come back and that now he could never return after this, his last Adventure? Her heart, for the first time, was bitterly torn in two.
Aslan turned His attention to the Pevensies, something of concern on His regal face. "Will you be all right with Susan's choice, children?" He asked.
"I-I believe so, Aslan," Lucy said, speaking first. She appeared somewhat doubtful, but, regrettably, such a thing was to be expected in this difficult situation.
"What would happen back home, Aslan? Wouldn't questions be raised as to how there were four of us one moment and then only three the next?" Edmund queried, his mind already traveling ahead to problems everyone else might not so quickly come to.
"I shall make it be as though Susan never was. Only you would remember her, as you remember Narnia when you are in your world," Aslan told him. Edmund nodded, looking thoughtful as he mulled over the results such memories might bring to them; having to converse with people and take care not to mention Susan lest they seem ridiculous would take great pains at first. But time would make it easier, as it did all things.
Peter watched Caspian and then looked at his sister, moving closer to her so he could say what he felt without being overheard by everyone around them. "Susan, is this really what you want: to stay here– with him?"
Peter was careful with his words, and did not say what he felt like shouting. Whatever would he do without Susan? He acted when they had returned here as if he did not need her, but it was just the opposite; she was what held him together when he felt like falling apart. She was his balance, his stability, his immovable support; if she were gone, what would happen to him? What would happen to any of them without her?
"Peter, I want to stay. Please let me. This is already hard as it is. I love you all, but, I also love Caspian, and he cares for me in return. There is no promise I might find such love back home; no vow I shall ever be recipient of such feelings there. You know this. Our lives are too short to waste on chances and maybes, Peter. I think I can make my choice– I think I can do this," she answered softly, putting her hand over his, a hesitant smile slipping onto her face.
He sighed, but returned her smile with one of his own. "All right, but I shall miss you, Su. I just hope that your choice will make you happy; that he will make you happy. As your oldest brother I deserve the knowledge of such things," Peter answered, his voice just barely breaking as he leaned in to embrace her firmly, his arms wrapping protectively around her for what he knew would be the last time. Susan wrapped hers around his shoulders as tears slipped from her blue eyes.
While they talked, Edmund watched them. He was not nearly as emotional, knowing he and Lucy had been given almost a sworn promise to return someday. His slight frown and thoughtful brown eyes were for his brother. Peter had lost so much when last they left: his family and his kingdom. And now it seemed as if the world wanted to give the oldest Pevensie another breathtaking blow: separation from the whole Narnian world and the one person who might have been able to make that separation easier as she had in the days past, when things seemed horribly dark and the pain became almost unbearable for him.
But as the thoughts worried Edmund's conscience, his sister approached, and he smiled for her brightly. "Please, let's not cry, sister; I'll be coming back someday, you know, and perhaps I shall see you again. If not, wait for me in Aslan's Country," he decided cheerfully, shrugging his shoulders a bit while the wind flipped up the lock of dark hair tumbling over his forehead.
"I know you're right, Ed, but I'll still miss you all! I will think of you often; do the same for me, perhaps?" Susan requested, carefully brushing the tears off her cheeks and forming a smile for him.
"Sure, Su, whatever you like." Edmund grinned. She shook her head slightly as she came to Lucy. Susan gathered her skirts around her and crouched until they were eye-level, which was, Susan realized, frightfully simple. A wave of sadness engulfed Susan when she realized she would never see Lucy grow into the beautiful young woman she had been in the Golden Age.
They looked at one another, Susan somewhat hesitantly, worried Lucy might be frustrated with her for such a rather hasty-seeming decision.
"Oh!" the younger girl cried abruptly, losing all sense of false bravado, flinging her arms around her sister's neck and practically falling against her. "I shall miss you so," she whispered in Susan's ear tearfully, a catch in her voice.
"Don't cry, Lucy. I fear that if you cry, I will too. We'll see one another again someday, I know it!" Susan answered earnestly, closing her eyes and hugging the younger girl back.
"Do you really think so?" Lucy pulled away, looking into her sister's eyes.
"Oh, I am certain! Aslan will bring us together somehow," Susan answered, smiling. Lucy brightened, her spirits lifted considerably with such a reminder.
"Well, I suppose . . . it'll be all right then. But Peter will complain for weeks about how we should all have stayed," she declared with a giggle. Susan laughed, though inwardly she worried, being reminded of her brother. How would he cope when he returned? Without her there to hide his feelings and help him, would Lucy learn of Peter's still-healing scars?
"No more of that; and I do not complain!" Peter suddenly appeared beside Lucy, reaching for her hand with a somewhat cheerful grin as he reprimanded her.
Susan stood. Smoothing out her skirts and momentarily clasping her hands, she walked away from her siblings, coming to stand in front of Aslan. She looked up at the Great Lion. "Aslan . . . I have decided. I'm going to stay. I want to; my place is not in England anymore, it's here, in Narnia," she informed Him in a voice that trembled only slightly after her declaration.
"You have made your decision, then, daughter," the Lion informed her gravely, bowing His head toward her.
"Yes, I have."
Caspian was silent as she made her farewells, and wondered about what he'd done. He knew that if he had had siblings it would be the hardest thing in the world to take his leave of them; perhaps he should tell Susan to go, to forget what he had told her. He could not cause her pain. Caspian was startled from his thoughts by Aslan's voice at his side.
"No choice made for love and honesty could be wrong, unless it is made with dark and selfish intentions at the heart. You did not make this choice with such. Do not regret what you cannot change." Caspian was still uncertain. He looked doubtful, even as Susan walked up to the Lion and He turned His attention on her.
After Susan spoke, she moved over to stand near Caspian; not near enough to touch, but close enough to let her intentions be understood easily by everyone surrounding them. She was going to stay. They watched together as her siblings entered Aslan's Door. Lucy turned once more to look back and Susan lifted her hand in farewell as her little sister stepped through the Door.
"You can still go." Caspian looked over at her, brown eyes searching her face; in them she could see concern and regret over what had transpired.
Susan looked back, meeting his gaze steadily. "I don't want to. I want to stay here– with you."
{~~~~~~0~~~~~~}
The Train Station
For a moment it was three worlds twisted into a collage of colors. Slowly the darkest and dreariest was widening to engulf them; then, there came the noise.
The three Pevensie siblings looked at one another.
They were back.
It was such a daze. Such a confusion, they felt, struggling to get their bearings and remember which train would be theirs, what their plans had been, the names of things in this world, and what they had been going to do before being pulled into Narnia– no, before they had been needed. It was not simple to transfer from one world into the next, and they wished silently for a moment to have had some time to re-adjust.
Peter looked down the platform in a daze, watching the students as they started moving; jostling and pushing against one another to get to the train that had just pulled in. Dashing past, grinning and laughing about some horrid prank or another, were the boys who had begun the fight with him almost fifteen minutes –or had it been a lifetime?– ago. He did not even notice them, really. He smiled sadly, but with the barest hint of pained amusement.
Aslan had made it be as though Susan never was, to be sure; the boy who had been –with great determination– plowing his way through the student masses to talk to her brushed passed as if his only goal had ever been to reach the train. He did not even nod or wave in acknowledgement to them. But Susan's things, her traveling case and an old handbag from Mum, were still under the bench beside his. Peter shook his head, before bending down and opening her purse, feeling around in it for something she had told him would be there.
Finally, his fingers touched what he was seeking for. Carefully he pulled out a silver heart-shaped locket. It swung like a pendulum on its matching sterling silver chain in front of him. For a moment he stared as if entranced. An elegant, old-fashioned 'A' had been etched into the silver among twisting and twining branches. Sixteen small emeralds gleamed in the lighting and again he was reminded of just how exquisite the work of Narnian Dwarves was. Peter smiled.
So lost in memories was he that he failed to noticed Edmund and Lucy scurrying about to get their cases onto the train before it left the station. "Hurry up, Pete, or we'll miss it!" Edmund finally demanded of his brother, whose back was to them. The blond young man jumped into action, wrapping the chain around his fingers before grabbing up his case and bounding onto the train behind his siblings minutes before the doors swished closed.
Only after, as they struggled to find seating together for the last leg of their journey, did Edmund notice the chain in his brother's hand. As they sat down, Lucy just across the rather narrow aisle, he watched Peter unwind it from around his fingers and look at it thoughtfully. For a long time Edmund said nothing. Eventually, with a slightly frustrated sigh, Peter caught up the piece of jewelry in his other hand, his fingers closing around the metal trinket.
"Su kept it?" Edmund asked as Peter stared out the train window; he and Lucy had finished their conversation about his torch being left behind, and now he was wondering if he should even start questioning the reappearance of the locket.
"Yes, I asked her to. I cannot bear what it reminds me of, but I also cannot think of ridding myself of it. . . It's the only thing Aslan has ever allowed me to take out of Narnia; and now it's my last link to that world. I couldn't do it," he murmured in reply, fingers tightening over the object they concealed.
Edmund nodded absently, leaning back in the worn seat. With a slow exhale, a grim look settled on his face. "For the love of all which is good and true in Narnia; Aslan, do not let these memories destroy him so bitterly!" he willed as the train gathered speed and began rolling past the landscape. They were much closer to a new destination, going impossibly far from the house where all their real adventures had begun.
.
.
The breeze was gentle on his face; cooling, soothing, and the air smelled of summer. The young man looked around him. Narnia in summer– the most wonderful time of year, he decided. But suddenly, as he stood there, he heard someone calling to him.
"Peter . . . Peter?"
Slowly, he looked around, for the words were faint on the wind and seemed to come from all around him, and yet, they didn't.
"Peter!" the voice suddenly exclaimed in joy. He looked up quickly, his heartbeat increasing with a deep longing at the sound. A young woman with shining hair the color of amber had entered his sight, and on either side of her were two children, looking at him with almost painfully eager and questioning expressions on their young faces. The woman reached out to him beseechingly.
"Oh, Peter, come home! I cannot rule this land on my own, and these children should not grow up without their father. Darling, come home . . ."
.
.
He jerked up in bed, struggling to keep from crying out. His hair was damp with sweat, and he trembled from the dream. As innocent as it always seemed, it was a horrible nightmare he was forced to experience far too often for his peace of mind. Always, she called out to him, and he could not respond. He was not given the chance to explain to her why he could not come back, why he had left her– which he had never meant to do but it had just happened. It pulled at his conscience and guilt was never far from his thoughts.
Passing an unsteady hand over his forehead to brush his damp hair back, he glanced about the darkened room, hoping that he had not woken his brother. Peter hated to wake anyone; it had been easier when Susan could come into his bedroom back home, knowing what he suffered and able to reassure him somewhat.
"You had that dream again, didn't you?" The question asked in the dark beside his bed made him jump, and Peter looked up into Edmund's concerned face, the streetlamp outside their window throwing dim light on his brother's rather pale features. Peter nodded tiredly, ready to admit defeat. He did not know how much longer he could bear sleepless nights and ceaseless remembering.
"The one Amalia's in?" Edmund pressed. He wanted clarification, so he asked, just to be sure.
"Yes," Peter admitted, sighing. "Ed, I'm lost; I don't know what to do!" he suddenly exclaimed, putting his head in his hands.
Edmund sighed in turn. How he wished Susan was here with them, she'd have solved this. He walked away from his brother's bed and over to the window. Leaning against it, Edmund looked up and could just see the stars overhead. Being the firm and reassuring sibling had always been Peter's role –Susan's too, he allowed– and now it seemed such a role had been thrust onto his shoulders. He closed his eyes, pressing his cheek against the cool glass.
"This shall be a long year!"
A/N:
I suppose I must explain myself. . . Well, I was rereading this story after a long time of not even looking at it, and I've realized it is just terribly written; far worse than the second book, and not even recognizable (excusing the plot) from the third book! I had to rewrite; also, I'm hoping that doing this will help me find the zest for writing I seem to have lost. . .
Generally this story has remained the same, but I have rewritten lots of dialogue and tried to shorten the chapters, which means that instead of being able to simply replace them without updating, I'm going to have to update. Nevertheless, I hope everyone enjoys this story, and that I haven't frustrated the original readers too much by rewriting instead of continuing the third book in the series.
The original posting date was 10/15/2014 to 1/14/2015.
(If anyone wants to know, I have all the original chapters and the dialogue in my A/Ns to the guest reviewers.)
Thanks for checking in,
WH
