A/N:

Hey guys!

So I really should be working on the next chapter of my fanfiction Pride and Joy (which is coming, I swear, haha) but as an extended procrastination, I started digging through my old copybooks and found this Harry Potter poem my sister and I wrote when we were kids. She was around 13, I was 10. It's pre-Deathly Hallows, written circa 2006, and a bit of a laugh.


Disclaimer: Copyright J.K. Rowling. I mean, somehow I don't think she'd object to her characters being used for the greater good in this case, but look… you can't be too careful these days.


Voldemort's Travels

One day I was running down the road,

When I saw a not so humble aboad

I climbed inside, where there sat

Dolores Umbridge, big and fat

Sweetly she slimed, "Who, pray, are you?"

I cried "My dear, I'm You-Know-Who!

Well Umbridge was stunned

And her kittens meowed

So I laughed a laugh, cruel and loud.

Snape leapt in

"Sorry I'm late.

I was out with Minerva.

On a date!"

Wizards and witches

Good and bad,

Flocked in, to see their revenge behad.

On the count of three,

Voldemort cried,

The evil spell

And Umbridge died.

Rejoicing, all of wizardkind

Went to Hogwarts

And there they dined

Suddenly the Great Hall

Went all white

And Dumbledore appeared

"I'm just back for the night."

Ron looked at Hermione

And their lips met

Fred and George laughed -

They'd had a bet!

Luna watched with a faint smile

And said

"Nargles are watching us

All the while."


A/N: So there you have it. We clearly predicted so many important plot points for Deathly Hallows in this poem. I've attached some discussion questions for reading groups and book clubs, for which there are no easy answers...

Q: Why is Harry Potter, the main character of the entire series, conspicuously absent from this poem? Is it possible that the two pre-tween writers just couldn't find a rhyme to suit his character?

Q: What are the moral ramifications of Voldemort using an Unforgivable Curse on Umbridge?

Q: Why does the narration shift from first-person to third-person perspective halfway through the poem? Did the writers just forget, or is it a Joycean move?

Q: Do you think Snape is bothered at all by the age gap between himself and McGonagall?

And, finally,

Q: Why was the word 'abode' misspelt?


Thanks for reading! Chapter 3 is coming soon, I promise.