Against All Odds
Author: Scifimoon
Fandom: The Young and the Restless
Pairing: Shadam (Sharon/Adam)
Rating: M - for adult themes and very mild sexual content
Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort
Disclaimer: The characters of The Young and the Restless belong to CBS and Sony Pictures. I have not intent of making any money out of this story.
Summary: This shouldn't have happened, for all the wrong reasons. But it did...
Author's note: Takes place after Adam comes back from the business trip that Nick sent him on to keep him away from Sharon. I wrote this from Adam's point of view though not in the first person. He's such a complex character, always keeping us guessing, I thought he'd be fun to try to imagine what could be going on in his head and in his heart.
IMPORTANT: I understand that some people are against this pairing but if it is the case for you, there's no need to give me hell just because I happen to like it and decided to write about it. If you flame me for it, I will answer back and I won't mince my words....
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He's still in a very dark place and he knows it; a place so dark that sometimes he wakes up at night, hardly being able to breathe and feeling like he's trying to claw his way out of the deep hole where he fell so many months ago. It's been so long since he started fighting against himself and his newly found family that every now and then he can barely remember a time when he wasn't.
How did it ever come to this?
He's been asking himself this question over and over again, yet not a single answer makes sense. He did come up with excuses but that is all they are. Excuses are for cowards, for those who cannot face the enormity of their acts no matter how horrendous they are. He should never have left things go this far yet every time he thought he had found the resolve to stop, something inside him would prompt him to keep going because it was the only way to get revenge and possibly earn back some sort of acceptance, trust and respect from his father.
And ultimately, this is what it was all about. But it never should have gone this far. Now everything is spiralling out of control and all he is left with is an overwhelming feeling of guilt. The woman he psychologically tortured even though she trusted him completely was saved from her own insanity but at what cost? By his stealing another woman's child, the woman he now finds himself falling in love with. Only now does he realize how wrong and cruel this was. He now knows that blindness can impair not only one's eyes but one's heart and soul just as well.
He's missed her more than he's willing to admit and he knows she's missed him too although he's not sure to what extent. He hadn't expected her to say that she would when he went to see her right before he left on that business trip, and it made it all the more difficult to say goodbye. He did his best not to read more into it than a simple demonstration of friendship on her part, out of fear of being sorely disappointed again. But when he hugged her before heading for the door, he didn't want to let go.
And now here she is again, right in front of him. So accepting and willing to hear him out without judging him just like she was when he first confided in her a few weeks ago. He had laughed when she told him they would be each other's sponsors. She had a delightful sense of humour and he loved that about her. And he still remembers how excited she was and how he was the first one she wanted to call when she needed to tell someone that she had quit her job at the magazine. He was the first person she had thought about. Not Nick, not Jack. Him.
He had told her one of his darkest secrets and it wasn't an easy thing to do even if it was probably the least reprehensible of them. He took a gamble, a gamble that could have brought him even more grief and destroy any hope that he had to redeem himself. But she listened to him and she didn't turn him away. She even told him that she too had done things she really wasn't proud of and that we all made mistake. Even though his twisted behaviour affected someone she knows and appreciates, she forgave him because she can understand what it's like to be desperate and to feel like the walls are closing in on you with no way out. He felt like he could trust her and instead of betraying that trust the way other people have done before her, she reached out to him and selflessly offered her support. And she believes that he can turn his life around somehow, that he deserves a second chance at it. This to him is worth more than anything else in the world.
For the first time in a very, very long time, that dark place of his doesn't seem so dark after all. And he makes her smile. And she makes him smile. And that's all that should matter.
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As their lips are touching for the very first time, the guilt becomes stronger and harder than anything else he's ever had to bear. It is tearing him up from the inside out and he knows he will have to do something to make things right again. He must bring Faith back where she belongs, with her mother. He has no idea how or when but it has to be done, and it will. He cannot bear the thought of hurting this kind and beautiful woman any more than he already has, even if it means sending someone else back to the mental institution where it all happened. And the truth must never come out that he's the one who caused all this pain because then he will fall back into that bottomless pit he's trying so hard to get out of.
The kiss lingers and he feels like he could completely lose himself in it. He's never felt anything quite like this before. It's as though he has found a kindred spirit, one that could help him heal and move on, move past the visceral and destructive need for revenge that's been consuming him for all this time. She makes him want to be a good person again, the person that he was before this overwhelming madness swept him away. She believes in redemption and - for reasons he still cannot understand - she seems to believe in him.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks almost coyly, his voice barely above a whisper.
She smiles, head slightly tilted to one side, eyes sparkling. "Yes. I really want to." She seems so sure of herself now, that it makes her even more beautiful to him. "Believe me when I say I had plenty of time to think about it while you were away, and this is what I want… I've missed you."
He smiles back: "I've missed you too..." Gently cupping her face with both hands, he kisses her again. Her lips are soft and plying under his as she welcomes him in and their tongues engage in a lazy dance. His hands make their way from her face all the way down to the small of her back. He presses her against him and it's a perfect fit.
He wants her so much but then he's feeling a little sick as he suddenly thinks about what will be coming their way once this gets out. As much as he would like to keep it a secret, he knows all too well that it's purely wishful thinking. He also knows that if this kiss is a prelude to something much more fulfilling down the road, they will both have to face the indignation and contempt of their families, and he will have to defend himself yet again against the usual barrage of snide remarks and insults, except this time chances are it's going to be worse than ever, thanks to his half-brother.
The irrational degree of possessiveness and protectiveness that Nick has always shown towards Sharon even as they are no longer married would turn out to be a new roadblock, one more thing to fuel the fire. But Adam is surprisingly ready for what lies ahead. He wants to take this challenge head on because for once he has something that's really worth fighting for.
Reluctantly, he breaks the kiss.
"I hope you realize..." He purses his lips, unsure of what to say next. He frowns. "I hope you realize that there's a lot of people who will disapprove of what we're doing now. In fact, I'm sure some of them will think I'm using you to get back at Nick somehow and they'll give us hell for it and..."
Sharon shushes him by softly pressing a finger over his lips. "Shhhh.... Stop. I don't want to talk about this right now. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Her lips quickly replace her finger. "Right now...." she says between kisses, "...I don't even want to think, Adam." She has one hand resting on his chest and it slowly slides up to the back of his neck, fingers lightly treading his hair as he shivers under the feathery touch. Sharon smiles: "I just want to enjoy this... to enjoy us." She's now feeling his arousal shifting slightly against her belly and decides to take the next step. Without giving Adam time to muster a reply, she slips an arm around his and gently guides him towards the stairs leading to the bedrooms on the second floor of the house.
They made love that night. It was sweet and it was beautiful. And he vowed to himself never to hurt her again.
