1/4
It was New Year's Eve and I had spent all day getting ready for tonight. The plans for the evening were all in place, I had the tickets and had planned the route. I had my hair cut and was as clean-shaven as I could ever be. I wanted to look my best and I also needed something to do with myself because the more the day dragged on, the more restless I became.
Tonight was going to be the night. Well, at least I hoped it would be. Our first real date. I hadn't been looking forward to New Year's Eve this much since the year my cousin Denny had promised to teach me how to make firecrackers.
I should probably never tell Sharon about that – she wouldn't appreciate illicit fireworks and much less being compared to them – but the excitement was the same. Almost, anyway, the prospect of an evening spent in her company was far more exciting – even if it might be just as friends.
/
I received a text message from Sharon on Christmas morning. I'm sure everyone else must have still been asleep because it was very early and her kids weren't exactly five anymore when they would wake up in anticipation to look for the presents in their stockings. But apparently Mama Raydor was already up and she had read my letter and knew about my invitation to a New Year's Eve date.
I imagined her sitting beside the Christmas tree with a cup of tea, still in her pyjamas or maybe she was cooking breakfast for her kids making last minute preparations without makeup and her hair undone …
… maybe I would kiss her and …
Time to stop daydreaming!
I had only ever seen Sharon without make-up once – the night Weller tried to kill Rusty. After Provenza had picked up Rusty I had gone upstairs telling patrol I needed to check in with my captain. What I had really meant was that I needed to check in with my friend Sharon. I had spent the night on her couch while she slept, or at least tried to sleep.
At some point I had opened my eyes to her standing in the living room looking lost and frightened. I had never seen her like that and when I called her name, she turned and just walked towards me. I moved to make space for her on the couch, but she sat down so close our thighs were touching. She looked tired and exhausted, but even in all the pain, I remember being stuck by how beautiful she was. This was a side of Sharon I hadn't seen before, so natural, much more vulnerable and fragile than at work or even at our dinners, which had become a very regular occurrence at the time.
… maybe she might still be in bed at this early hour reading my letter and …
No, I couldn't picture Sharon in bed without becoming unduly excited.
… maybe still curled up under her silk sheets … Sharon would have silk sheets, cream or lavender …
I shook my head and hesitated before I swiped my finger to read her full message.
Now or never, the moment of truth was here.
'My dear Andy, thank you for the invitation. I'd love to spend New Year's Eve with you - very much looking forward to it. S.'
Or maybe not.
Who knew Sharon could be so sneaky? I could just imagine the expression on her face as she was typing this out, how she would tilt her head and hum quietly, 'I'd love to spent New Year's Eve with you.'
We weren't calling it a date, but we were also not calling it not a date. At least me asking her for a date hadn't made her run away. That had to be a good sign.
/
I tried to find out what exactly she meant, but back at work Sharon acted just like she had before Christmas. We worked well together and when she didn't object to me calling her Sharon in front of our suspect, my heart made a little happy jump.
"Annie, her name is Annie," she corrected Morales and I could have walked right up to her and kissed her.
I didn't do that, obviously, but I leaned in as close as I dared when we were walking back from the morgue, "You remembered."
She gave me one of her most dazzling smiles. "Like I said, your habits are brushing off on me, and not just the bad ones, it seems."
"Geez, woman, you sure know how to phrase a compliment."
"Oh dear, were you looking for validation? Lieutenant, thank you for teaching me how to be a good homicide detective."
"Aw, come on, that's not enough! I am sure you can find a better way to say thank you. You know, like, go out with me on a real date."
"I am going out with you, Andy – at least if your invitation for New Year's Eve still stands."
"You never said what it's going to be."
"No, I never did, did I?" and with a last tilt of her head and another one of those smiles, she stepped into the opening elevator, greeting the group of officers already inside.
"Lieutenant, will you join me now or do you still have some unfinished business down here?"
Well, Captain, I certainly have some unfinished business with you, I thought as I stood there marvelling at her easy conversation with the other officers. Only four years ago, the lift would have gone quiet upon her getting on. Needless to say I never got an answer to my question.
/
In the days following her message, I had spent a lot of time thinking about her, about us and about what I wanted.
Whatever would happen, I was glad we were back to being friends. I had had a taste of what not being friends with Sharon was like in the days between Nicole's visit at work and the Nutcracker. My life felt empty without her, she left a gaping hole that I had no idea how to fill. I missed the easy conversations, the laughter, the intimacy of her soft touch on my arm. More than anything, I wanted to keep that friendship and that closeness. I wanted Sharon in my life. I needed her. Of course, being able to hold her at night and wake up to see her smile in the mornings, that would be the best, but if that wasn't possible, I wanted her as my friend. I would be content with dinners, and movies and all the things we had been doing over the past year or so. I just knew that I couldn't loose her.
Being in the same chain of command would certainly be a major issue for Sharon and while I would be perfectly happy to just ignore the rules, this was not something the former head of IA would ever be prepared to do. I actually had to ask a friend to help me out and even though I had sworn him to secrecy, it somehow got back to Provenza.
"I am hurt, Flynn. You go tell Officer Martin about your girlfriend, but not me?"
"I have no idea what you are talking about. I don't have any girlfriend."
"Well, whatever you are calling that thing with the Captain."
"The Captain and I don't have a thing."
"Of course you don't which is why you were able to answer my question about Patrice so quickly the other day."
"Yeah? Maybe I'm just that good."
"Good to enough not to worry about your future even though you disappointed some people in the past?"
"I was trying to be a supportive friend."
"And I am trying to be a supportive friend now, because if the guy who hasn't looked at the rulebook since his Academy Days is now researching LAPD policy on fraternisation, I know something is up. You might be kidding yourself, Flynn, but you are not kidding me."
/
Standing in front of her door, I was suddenly nervous. I felt shy and insecure and my hands were sweaty. I hadn't felt like this in years, decades to be exact. Not since I had picked up Joanne at her parents house that faithful night so many years ago.
I straightened my tie and made sure my shoes were clean, adjusted the paper around the flowers so I could present them to her properly. Then my eye was caught on the small piece Christmas decoration just above her door.
Mistletoe.
Was that a sign?
My heart was beating faster now.
Mistletoe.
Our first date.
Except, I didn't even know whether this was a date.
But I wasn't going to find out by just standing here, so I put my finger on the bell and gingerly pushed. I heard the familiar ring from behind the door and then …
Her voice!
