Summary: Everything's going pretty smoothly for the girls until they get sucked mysteriously into a world of demons, danger and death pacts. Can Theoli and Isaviel handle the horrors of the Supernatural world? Or should we be asking if the Supernatural world can handle them..? (Here there be Parody-Sues! So watch your step ;D )

A/N: I've been thinking about doing this for a long while, and Isaviel naturally encouraged me to the point where I could no longer resist! So this is what the result is, out two fearless and sometimes brainless heroines are tossed into the world of Supernatural. With a twist, of course. As with the other two fics in this 'series' I think it should be obvious by now that these are very tongue-in-cheek and riddled with Sues and OC/Canon pairings. The plots are twisted, the time line raped to hell and if you don't like those things, don't read! I'll be ignoring flames so keep them to yourself, kay?

Disclaimer: Nothing from the Supernatural series belongs to me. Isaviel and I apologise in advance for our bastardisation of this awesometastic series. Isaviel Bates and Theoli Runkle are self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts. Also? This disclaimer isn't mine. I nabbed it form Isa with her permission ;D


Sue-pernatural
Chapter One: Bad Juju.

I.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Theoli Runkle blinked at the question, wide eyed and apparently bemused by it. Her best friend, one Isaviel Bates, was sitting on the floor of her bedroom in her pyjamas sifting through a stack of DVDs, staring up at her with raised eye brows.

Theo waved the thing in her hands and broke out into a grin; "Nope." Isa groaned and went back to the DVDs, "Oh, c'mon Isa, it'll be a laugh."

"A laugh? I don't think I would classify creeping ourselves the hell out by using a ouija board to conjure up ghosties as a laugh. Those things don't work anyway, and besides, you're no Yvette Fielding."

"No. I'd rather be The Acorah." Theo screwed her face up, "I...I feel a presence... yes, yes, what was that? Mary? I've got Mary here-"

Unfortunately her rather wonderful impression of the cockney footballer-turned-psychic was interrupted by a bag of marshmallows hitting her in the face. Theoli looked at Isa, crest fallen and shrugged. With a sigh Theo plonked herself down on the vacant bean bag next to the pile of DVDs.

Isaviel held one of them up, "Let's watch Silent Hill."

"Again?"

"Why not?"

Theo paused, "Yeah, alright."

With many a scream and a giggle and a 'DENIED!' from the girls, the movie ran its course, mostly being quoted or mocked or gawped at in awe by the pair of them. All too soon the movie finished at they sat slouched on the sofa watching the credits roll, a post-movie crash making them quiet and sleepy. Maybe gnaming all that popcorn had something to do with that too. After a few minutes discussing and reliving their favourite parts of the movie, as well as doing some damned good impressions of the Grey Children, Theo gave her friend a side long look.

Isaviel noticed at once. "No."

"Oh c'mon. We'll play with the ouija a bit and then watch another movie. It'll be freaky fun."

Theoli could tell she was wearing Isaviel down and after a minute her fiend gave a grudging nod and they hauled themselves up form the couch. Apparently the instigator of the activity didn't do thing by half; she took out candles and set up a little table, pulled out a pretty little glass to use on the board and put down two big, plush cushions for them to sit on opposite sides of the ouija. Isaviel hit the lights when the candles were lit and they settled down, giggling nervously as thought they were about to do something incredibly naughty that would be frowned upon. Well. They sort of were. They each placed both their index fingers over the upturned glass, glancing at each other. Isaviel nodded.

"Is there anyone out theeeeeeeere?"

Nothing.

"If anyone is there, please make yourself knooooooown."

Isa leaned forwards, squinting at Theoli through the gloom with a slightly sceptical expression; "Dude. What's with the Trelawny impression?"

"Too much?"

"Just a bit."

Theoli nodded, sighing but conceding.

"Okay. I'll cut the crap. Are there any spirits, friendly or otherwise out there?"

The glass jerked.

Both girls started at the board. The glass twitched again and they looked suddenly at each other, both wearing 'that wasn't me!' expressions. Theoli swallowed, shaking a little bit too much to speak and Isaviel took over. Given it was Theo's idea in the first place she seemed to be going to pot in under the pressure.

"Can you tell us your name?" Isaviel asked smoothly.

Without preamble the glass shot to the capital 'N'. The girls gasped and watched the board with wide eyes. The glass made a smooth, slow arc across the centre of the board.

"Isa?" Theo whispered into the darkness, wide green eyes trained on the glass.

"Yeah?"

"I'm getting some bad juju from this thing."

Isaviel snorted. "No shit, Sherlock."

Stopping briefly on an 'a' the glass continued to move and suddenly they both jerked their hands back and away from it, a cold rush shooting up from the board, through their arms and into their chests. The glass continued to move.

"Holy shi-"

Before one of both of them could sound off the oath there was a deafening crack, a blinding flash of light and then darkness.

II.

Theoli woke up crammed into a contorted shape that no person should be able to achieve. With a grunt she shuffled around and tried to stretch her legs. Whilst sticking one of her feet out she was met with a sharp cry of pain. Apparently she'd kicked Isaviel on the nose, a stream of curses followed as she drew her foot back.

"Oops. Sorry dude."

Isvaiel groaned, "'S'okay."

They both paused, shuffling. They were in a bathtub.

"What the..."

The ouija board was crammed in between them, cracked down the middle. With a groan Theoli pushed herself up from the ceramic tub and coughed slightly, swaying on the spot. The world spun around her and she had to close her eyes to defend against the vertigo that tried to knock her back on her ass.

"That... was some pretty bad juju." Isaviel said, sitting up and using the drawn shower curtain for support.

"You're telling me."

Theo picked up the oujia board and examined it in the gloom whilst Isaviel pulled herself to her feet and drew back the shower curtain to get a better look at their surroundings.

"Holy shit!"

"What?" Theo glance up.

"Holy shit!"

"Wha- oh for goodness-" anything Theo had been intended to say was cut off as she leaned around the curtain to see what Isa was freaking the hell out about. "Oh my god!"

A man was lying in a puddle of blood in the middle of the floor.

"I know!"

"That dude has no eyes! He's eyeless!"

"I know!"

"Oh god... what are going to do..?"

From the hallway a female voice called out, "Dad?"

Theo and Isaviel looked at each other, wide eyed and then down at the body and then back at each other, each mirroring the expression of sheer horror. They were about to be discovered in a room with a dead body having no idea how they had even gotten there in the first place, covered in blood. The words 'bad juju' didn't seem to cover it.

"We need to get out of here." Theo hissed.

"We can't let his daughter find him like this."

The footsteps were getting louder, coming down the hallway. Weighing thing up quickly the girl looked at the body again, then the window above the bathtub and then each other they nodded. Isaviel gave Theo a boost and the smallest of the pair flicked the catch on the widow and popped it out of the frame. Grabbing the outer sill she yanked herself through, wiggling a little to get out onto the roof beyond. As quickly as she could she turned and thrust her hands down where they found Isaviel's and she helped to haul her friend out of the window too. They closed it promptly behind them. Once both on the roof they froze. The bathroom door was creaking.

A pause.

Then a scream rent the air.

Isaviel was staring at the window with a horrified expression. Theo cringed and grabbed her arm. She signalled to the edge of the roof and, with a nod, they scampered as quietly as they could towards the edge.

III.

Movies make shimmying down a drainpipe look like a piece of cake. It's not. Theoli and Isaviel found they out the hard way. Isaviel managed to make it almost to the ground before Theo slipped, fell backwards onto her and both of them toppled onto the grass in a heap. After that they'd darted away from the house as fast as their bare feet could carry them, magnificently vaulting over the fence at the back of the garden and disappearing into the night beyond. They walked in silence for a while, trying to get as far away form the house where they'd discovered the body as possible while keeping away from the main thoroughfare through the neighbourhood. Only when they were at least a dozen blocks away, heading out towards the boonies did they slow their pace and stop against a tree, panting and glancing around nervously.

Theo began; "So."

"So."

They looked at each other grimly.

Isaviel sighed and plucked at the front of her buttoned up pyjama shirt, there were smudged, bloody fingerprints all over it. "We need to find some clothes." She murdered, flicking off a dried globule of crimson.

With a nod Theoli cast her eyes down at her own outfit.

"Sorry." She said quietly.

"Huh?"

"Well this is all my fault isn't it?" The blonde looked at her companion, "I mean, I was the one that was all, 'Oooh, let's use the ouija board! It'll be really cool! I'm The Acorah! Woooo!' And look what happened? We got transported into some freaky ass hell dimension-"

"Actually I think we're just in America."

Theoli stopped, dropping her hands which she had been gesturing with wildly, "What?"

"America. The U S of A." Isaviel pointed to a sign that read Toledo, Ohio across the top. Beneath it was a very kind and surprisingly grammatically correct plea for people to adhere to the speed limit and to have a nice stay. They stopped in front of the sign and stared up at it for a few moments.

"Huh. Well shit." Theo responded, eyes narrowed at the sign, "I wasn't expecting that."

Isaviel now had a thoughtful expression on her face as they continued walking, taking back streets and staying out of the way of anyone who might find two young women wandering around in the dead of night in blood smattered pyjamas an odd sight. Which would probably be everybody, anyone who wouldn't find that odd fell into the category of 'people they wanted to avoid'.

"The question is how did we get here?"

Theoli nodded, "And how to do get back home?"

"Well we could always try and use the-"

"-the ouija! Crapcakes! We left it in the bathroom."

This realisation left them both feeling rather down. There was no way they could get their asses back to that house, it would be crawling with cops by now and the ouija would probably end up in an evidence lock up somewhere, out of their reach unless they wanted to go all mission impossible on the station and steal it back. That would have to be a last resort though.

Firstly they really needed to get some clothes because running around in blood stained pyjamas was not a good idea. Not when a horrific murder had just been committed at least.

"We'll have to go back for it sooner or later."

"Yeah. Maybe once the cops have skedaddled we'll be able to get in and have a look around. I mean, it'll probably be evidence but maybe we can find out where it went."

Isaviel nodded, "I wanna know what happened to that man."

For a moment Theoli was dumbstruck, "What man?"

Silence.

"Oh. You know. Only the guy with no eyes!"

"Oh. Him."

For a while they walked in silence, looking for somewhere they could get some clean clothes, and some i shoes /i , because walking barefoot hurt like a bitch after a while. Then, like a mirage in a desert, the shimmering lights of a late night second hand clothes store came into view.

"Thank god for Oxfam." Isaviel sighed.

"I never thought I'd ever hear you say those words."

"Well I take back every- oh... oh my god, Theo! The shoes!"

Before Theoli could sound off a response, Isaviel had dashed towards the racks of shoes at the back of the shop with a gleeful squeak and flailing arms.

Apparently they had hit the second hand store up on a good night. Theo found the ultimate outfit of badassery; a pair of faded, worn jeans with a cowgirl style belt that hugged in at her hips and covered the leather boots she had unearthed from somewhere, giving her a tiny boost to her petite height. To match, she'd managed to find the one leather jacket that was a perfect fit for her, tailored in at the waist, it was dark brown and soft to the touch and it went over the mid-thigh length maroon dress with long sleeves that she had found to layer over a plain teal shirt. As if to complete the image of asskickery, she bought a necklace to go with it. A necklace with a fang dangling from it. Very cool.

In the time it had taken Theo to compile her entire ensemble, Isa had found a pair of shoes. Well. Four pairs actually, she was having serious trouble deciding.

By the time she had finally compiled her outfit, Theoli had sat down with a magazine and a can of coke. Isaviel came out of the changing room as a walking seizure. Over a white shirts she wore a black, fitted waistcoat and matching black, cropped trousers which displayed her black and pink striped socks and little, dainty black shoes off quite nicely.

As she approached her friend she straightened the pink and yellow polka dotted neckerchief around her throat. "Dude. You look sweet!"

"Sweet, thanks. You look like such a dude."

Theoli winked, rising from her seat as Isaviel tossed her trench coat around her shoulders, "That's the idea."

With great gusto they burst out of the late night Oxfam and struck magnificent poses on the sidewalk, looking off into middle distance with their chins raised, hands on their hips and shoulders touching. A light breeze moved Isaviel's dark, perfectly sculpted hair and billowed through the loose strands that had slipped form Theoli's pony tail. United against the forces of evil! Two hotties striving to look their best in the face of adversity!

A hobo walked past them. He stopped. Blinked and then muttered; "Get a job."

"We have one!" Theoli proclaimed.

"Yeah, Isa confirmed, "It's called being awesome."

They went back to posing.


Reviews would, of course, be loved ;D