I swore to myself that I would never write a glee fic around the same time I stopped watching because it became so incredibly awful (about four episodes into season three, for those playing at home), but then I went and saw Les Mis, which was one of the most remarkable films I've ever seen. Lea Michele has played the role of both Young Cosette and Eponine (both of these performances are available on Youtube), and was offered the role of Eponine for the 2006 concert and was in serious contention for the role in the film (which went to Samantha Barks on both occasions, and I'm sure Lea is fuming that she couldn't get out of her glee contract to the do the film) and I began seeing parallels between the female characters of Les Misérables and Rachel (and to a lesser extent, Shelby). This fic was then born. (Fun side note... Les Mis is actually returning to Broadway in 2014... I'm already saving up to go see it, all the way from Australia).
Shelby tiptoed down the hallways. It had taken six stories, but Beth was finally out for the count. She poured herself a hefty glass of wine and sat down on the couch. She loved her daughter, but being a single parent hadn't gotten any easier. She scraped a hand through her messy hair and sighed. She was too scared of waking Beth to turn the TV on, so she pulled her laptop towards her.
Life in New York City could be challenging, but Shelby loved the Great White Way too much to ever leave. Her five year old was well aware of theatre etiquette and Shelby loved just how much exposure to the diversity of life her daughter was getting. Shelby trawled through a few musical theatre websites, rolling her eyes at a few of the pretentious comments.
One particular link caught her attention. Les Misérables was Shelby's all time favourite musical and she'd been squirming with excitement since she found out that it was returning to Broadway in 2014. The fact that there was a series of online interviews with cast members (the fact that casting was being announced was ridiculously exciting in itself) actually made Shelby's day.
Plugging headphones into the computer, Shelby's breath caught in her throat when she hit play on the interview.
"Hi, I'm Lucy Swanton and I am here interviewing the very first confirmed cast member for the 2014 revival of Les Misérables, newcomer Ms Rachel Berry," the interviewer was blonde and perky, but Shelby barely noticed her. All she could focus on was her daughter, smiling and delighted on her screen.
"So, Rachel, this is your first show, isn't it? Tell us about how you were cast."
Rachel nodded. "It is my very first professional experience. I was a student at the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts and it was my end of year performance. For some reason Cameron Mackintosh, the producer of the show was there and he spotted me. He spoke to the director of the school and we had a meeting. I hadn't even found myself an agent yet and there I was, in conversations to perform in the greatest musical of all time. It was honestly like something out of a movie."
"So, who are you playing?" Lucy asked.
"I'm playing Eponine," Rachel answered with a smile.
Lucy grinned. "Now it was certainly true with the movie adaptation, but it seems that any actor you speak to who has anything to do with this show seems to have some kind of personal connection to the story and the characters. Is that true for you?"
Shelby adjusted the volume. She knew that watching this interview probably wasn't a smart idea, but the curiosity she'd always had about her eldest daughter was ignited and she wanted to hear it all.
"I adore the character of Eponine. She's a fundamentally lonely character and I really think that it's her solitude that makes her relatable," Rachel leaned forward to take a sip of water. "I was a kid who grew up in Cowtown, Ohio and I longed for the stage. Most of the people around me didn't really understand me and that was quite isolating. The only place I really ever felt a tiny bit of acceptance was my Glee club, which interestingly enough, I auditioned for with the song On My Own."
Shelby felt a perverse sense of pride. Her daughter had grown into a charismatic young lady, capable of charming people down the barrel of a camera. She knew how Rachel felt, to not fit in, and was overjoyed that Rachel had turned that into a strength, a way to push herself forward and succeed.
"A little birdie mentioned to me that your Les Mis connection goes even further back than show choir," Lucy commented.
"Oh my goodness, it's like I told you before the interview or something," Rachel joked. "But of course Lucy, you are correct. When I was eight years old, I played Young Cosette in an amateur production."
"How was that?" Lucy asked.
Rachel paused. Shelby found herself leaning towards the camera, desperately wondering what Rachel would reveal about her childhood next.
"Like I said, I'm from a small town in Ohio, where I was raised by two men. My fathers were the best parents a kid could ever ask for and they have supported me wholeheartedly in anything and everything I have ever attempted since the day I was born. However, we did kind of stick out like sore thumbs in such a small town. I think people tend to fear what is different and little kids can be cruel. When I played this part, I was really only beginning to understand what it meant to have two daddies instead of one dad and one mom. I guess I understood what it was like for Cosette, to not know her mother and to desperately want to. Just like the character, I think had a very idealised version of a mother in my head as a child."
"And I believe we even have a video of you performing as Cosette."
Rachel faked a gasp, "How on earth did you get that?" She asked.
There was a shift on screen. The video was home quality, a pint sized Rachel Berry in full Cosette costume standing in a kitchen, clutching a broom as she sang Castle On A Cloud. The singing teacher in Shelby could hear what extraordinary control over her pitch Rachel had as an eight year old and her vibrato was outstanding.
"You were a bit of a cute kid," Lucy commented.
"Thank you very much," Rachel replied.
"So you identify with the loneliness that seems to be personified throughout the story, right?"
Rachel nodded. "I do. I guess I always loved Eponine so much because I totally felt the pain of unrequited love like most high school girls do at some point or another. And like Cosette, I've fallen in love hard and fast, regardless of what the consequences are."
"What do you mean by that?" Lucy asked.
Rachel blushed. "I had the biggest crush on a boy in high school and became determined that we would be the most perfect couple if he only saw me. Like Eponine, I made mistakes and made a fool of myself to get him. We did eventually get together and we made a bunch of crazy decisions."
"Such as?"
Shelby had to hand it to the interviewer. She might have looked like sunshine and rainbows, but she was totally getting Rachel to open up and share the more personal details of her life. Rachel was handling it superbly well and was using it to make herself seem like the sweetheart girl next door.
"I got engaged during high school. Got damn close to saying I do. In hindsight, I'm so glad I didn't. I never would have had an opportunity like this otherwise."
Lucy shifted in her seat. To anybody watching, it was clear the tone of the interview was shifting significantly. "Look, Rachel, I gotta ask. What is the story with your Mom?"
"I don't have a Mom," Rachel replied frankly. "I have a biological mother. Just like Elton and David or Neil Patrick Harris and David Burkta, my dads used a surrogate. She gave birth to me and was contractually obligated to remain out of my life until I was eighteen."
Shelby couldn't help but feel wounded at Rachel's words. She couldn't deny that she'd handled their meeting badly, but it was bruising to hear Rachel's conception discussed in such a brusque manner.
"Have you ever met her?" Lucy asked.
Rachel bit her lip. "I was not expecting to talk about this," Rachel admitted. She visibly fought to compose herself. "I found out when I was sixteen that my mother was the vocal coach of a rival show choir. From the little I know of her, she's a performer as well and I found a recording of her singing," Rachel gave Lucy a tiny smile and a shrug, blinking rapidly to fight back any tears that might escape.
"Did you listen to that tape?"
Rachel sighed. "I did. Of all the amazing musical theatre ballads in all the world, I have a tiny cassette tape of her singing I Dreamed A Dream. I've never been able to part with it."
"Its like you were destined to be in this show," Lucy remarked.
"I guess I was."
"What happened next?" Lucy asked.
"We spent some time together. We even sang together. Then she decided it would be better for us to keep our distance."
Shelby bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. She could sense Rachel's bitterness even years after the fact. She had never regretted her decision to keep her distance from Rachel more than now. Rachel might be an adult living her dream, but it was more than obvious that she was still deeply wounded by her maternal disappointment. Shelby couldn't help but feel relieved that Rachel didn't discuss her many indiscretions after that point.
"And what would you say to your Mom if you could speak to her now?"
Shelby was gripping the arms of her chair so hard her knuckles were white.
Rachel was silent for a few seconds. "I guess I can say it because I don't think she'll ever see this. I know that we agreed to something years ago and I know we both had ideals that didn't match reality. If you ever want me for me, flaws and all, find me at stage door. If you prefer the idea of appreciating me from a distance, stay away."
Shelby barely heard the rest of the pleasantries that concluded the interview. She was too busy fighting the rush of emotions.
Rachel was living her dream and she couldn't be happier. Theatre reviews from the week of previews the cast had just performed were incredibly favourable and to her eternal delight, she'd been emphasized as one of the highlights of the show. As she sat applying her makeup for opening night, she could have died of happiness.
"Rachel, this is happening."
Rachel looked at the doorway. By some freakish occurrence, she turned up to the first day of rehearsals to see Jesse St James, clinging to his script with the same feverish determination she had, Enjolras's lines neatly highlighted.
"Two show choir losers from Ohio are about to walk on stage as two of the world's most loved tragic characters. I never believed this day would come" Rachel replied. Without hesitation, she threw her arms around him. The pair of them had been terrified for most of the rehearsal process and as the only "unknowns" of the main cast; they'd clung to each other out of equal parts terror and support.
"I wish all those jerks who threw slushies on me could see me now," Rachel murmured.
"Let's kick some ass, Berry."
Shelby hadn't quite known what had come over her. She'd bought herself a ticket to Les Misérables. She was content to wait a few weeks to see the show, hoping that she'd have more of a chance against the crowds. She was delighted to see that Jesse St James had made it (she always knew he would) but she'd been simply blown away by Rachel. She had the audience eating out of the palm of her hand and she'd seen more than one theatregoer reach for tissues during A Little Fall of Rain.
She checked her watch. She still had a few hours before she had to be home for the babysitter. Clutching her programme, Shelby made her way to stage door.
Rachel had never felt so alive. She scrubbed the fake blood and stage makeup off her face as she floated on a cloud. She couldn't believe they were paying her to do it. It was a few weeks into the run and the buzz and excitement hadn't worn off.
She ducked around to Jesse's station. "Are you ready to go?"
After wrapping a scarf firmly around her neck, Rachel linked arms with Jesse and they sauntered out the door. She always made an effort at stage door. She remembered what it was like to be on the other side, desperately hoping that she and Ramin Karimloo would make eye contact and fall madly in love. She smiled for photos and signed playbills, gratefully accepting a bunch of flowers given to her by a particularly starry-eyed fan that insisted that they'd travelled all the way from Poland just to see the show.
Rachel made her way down the line, not really paying attention to who walked up to her next. "Thanks so much for coming! Whom should I make this out to?"
"Make it out to Shelby."
Thoughts? Loved it? Hated it?
