THE TALE OF THE TWO CREATURES
- Dobby and Gollum meet The Matrix -
Post-2003 MTV Movie Awards, Los Angeles
Dobby had been ducking under tables and avoiding being trampled by the actresses' freakishly pointy stilettos for an hour. He had wondered why in the world he decided to attend anyway. The invitation was rather pretty, he had to admit, but having already been stepped on twice, it was not worth it. He would much rather be washing pots back in Hogwarts.
Three tables away, Dobby spotted Gollum. He stood and stared at the creature for what seemed like an hour, petrified. *Ahhh!* he thought, *Gollum does not like Dobby and thinks he is a f---ing f--! Dobby must run away!*
With that, Dobby ducked under a table, but not in time. Gollum had already seen Dobby.
"Dobby. we know you have the preciousss. get out here you *bleep*! . no, no. we must not talk to Dobby this way. Dobby is our friend. DOBBY IS A -"
At that moment, Dobby appeared out of nowhere in front of Gollum. "Please, Mr. Gollum, Dobby means no harm. Dobby was trying to take the ring to save Mr. Gollum from the Dark Lord."
Gollum's eyes narrowed. He was about to pounce on Dobby and rip out his throat when someone interrupted. "Uh. boys, sorry to bother you but Mr. Anderson here would like to say something." They looked up and saw Hugo Weaving standing next to them.
"Elrond!" Gollum exclaimed.
"Uh. well, I'm also known as Agent Smith, but I guess you haven't seen The Matrix since you've been living in a cave for a couple hundred years. You really should get out more, it's unhealthy to talk in third person all the time."
Dobby and Gollum stared blankly at him.
"So, as I was saying. ah, forget it." Hugo Weaving walked away, perhaps a little scared of Gollum after his "thank you speech".
However, another tall figure was still standing near them.
"Ahem."
Gollum and Dobby looked up and gasped. "Keanu Reeves!" they said simultaneously.
"NO! How is it that you recognize Hugo as Elrond and not me as Neo?!"
"Dobby thinks it's the beard and the missing shades, sir."
"Alright, then can you at least act like you think I am Neo?"
"Yes. Preciousss."
Keanu Reeves, or Neo, should we say, took a step back away from Gollum. He reached inside his pocket and pulled out four pills: two red and two blue. "You take the blue pill, and this story ends. You wake up in your bed and nothing happens. You take the red pill and stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
Gollum and Dobby looked at each other, both clearly confused. After a few moments, their faces lit up and said "Oh! I get it! It's Ecstasy!"
Neo rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak. But before he could say anything, Gollum and Dobby have taken a red and blue pill each.
"NO! YOU FOOLS! THAT'S NOT ECSTASY! What do I have to do to be listened to around here?!" With that, he disappeared back into the Matrix.
The two creatures looked at each other and shrugged.
"Whatever," said Gollum. "We're going to party the night away, we've got not time to argue with a *bleep* *bleep*. We'll find the preciousss. and you will pay for it!" He turned and left Dobby.
Dobby eventually grew tired of dodging peopple's feet and made his way back to Hogwarts, completely forgetting about the pills that he swallowed.
~ N.B. Flamers will be used to burn (some of) my teachers in hell. (Or they can roast my marshmallows, too.) This is my first fanfic, constructive criticism is welcome, but please be respectful. Thanks. =)
- Dobby and Gollum meet The Matrix -
Post-2003 MTV Movie Awards, Los Angeles
Dobby had been ducking under tables and avoiding being trampled by the actresses' freakishly pointy stilettos for an hour. He had wondered why in the world he decided to attend anyway. The invitation was rather pretty, he had to admit, but having already been stepped on twice, it was not worth it. He would much rather be washing pots back in Hogwarts.
Three tables away, Dobby spotted Gollum. He stood and stared at the creature for what seemed like an hour, petrified. *Ahhh!* he thought, *Gollum does not like Dobby and thinks he is a f---ing f--! Dobby must run away!*
With that, Dobby ducked under a table, but not in time. Gollum had already seen Dobby.
"Dobby. we know you have the preciousss. get out here you *bleep*! . no, no. we must not talk to Dobby this way. Dobby is our friend. DOBBY IS A -"
At that moment, Dobby appeared out of nowhere in front of Gollum. "Please, Mr. Gollum, Dobby means no harm. Dobby was trying to take the ring to save Mr. Gollum from the Dark Lord."
Gollum's eyes narrowed. He was about to pounce on Dobby and rip out his throat when someone interrupted. "Uh. boys, sorry to bother you but Mr. Anderson here would like to say something." They looked up and saw Hugo Weaving standing next to them.
"Elrond!" Gollum exclaimed.
"Uh. well, I'm also known as Agent Smith, but I guess you haven't seen The Matrix since you've been living in a cave for a couple hundred years. You really should get out more, it's unhealthy to talk in third person all the time."
Dobby and Gollum stared blankly at him.
"So, as I was saying. ah, forget it." Hugo Weaving walked away, perhaps a little scared of Gollum after his "thank you speech".
However, another tall figure was still standing near them.
"Ahem."
Gollum and Dobby looked up and gasped. "Keanu Reeves!" they said simultaneously.
"NO! How is it that you recognize Hugo as Elrond and not me as Neo?!"
"Dobby thinks it's the beard and the missing shades, sir."
"Alright, then can you at least act like you think I am Neo?"
"Yes. Preciousss."
Keanu Reeves, or Neo, should we say, took a step back away from Gollum. He reached inside his pocket and pulled out four pills: two red and two blue. "You take the blue pill, and this story ends. You wake up in your bed and nothing happens. You take the red pill and stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
Gollum and Dobby looked at each other, both clearly confused. After a few moments, their faces lit up and said "Oh! I get it! It's Ecstasy!"
Neo rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak. But before he could say anything, Gollum and Dobby have taken a red and blue pill each.
"NO! YOU FOOLS! THAT'S NOT ECSTASY! What do I have to do to be listened to around here?!" With that, he disappeared back into the Matrix.
The two creatures looked at each other and shrugged.
"Whatever," said Gollum. "We're going to party the night away, we've got not time to argue with a *bleep* *bleep*. We'll find the preciousss. and you will pay for it!" He turned and left Dobby.
Dobby eventually grew tired of dodging peopple's feet and made his way back to Hogwarts, completely forgetting about the pills that he swallowed.
~ N.B. Flamers will be used to burn (some of) my teachers in hell. (Or they can roast my marshmallows, too.) This is my first fanfic, constructive criticism is welcome, but please be respectful. Thanks. =)
