Title: Thoughts inside me…

Author: AlienDemon17

Anime: Fruits Basket Rating: PG-13

Genre: Angst/ Romance/ Drama

Pairing: Kyo x Tohru

Summary: Thoughts. They're what control us, influence us, and cause us to break. They're what bring our emotions to surface. They're what cause some to end up dead by their own hand. Lately, the dark thoughts that force some over the edge, have now found their way into Kyo's mind. How will he cope? Will he be pushed over the edge? It's AU and Kyo may seem OOC because of his thoughts and some actions.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or anything else. I only own my own ideas that were influenced by Linkin Park's Meteora.

WARNING: This fic will have suicidal/ disturbing thoughts throughout some of the chapters. If you're looking for a cheerful fic, this isn't it. Do not flame me about the thoughts and how disturbing they could seem to some. I gave you a fair warning after all.

Author's Note: Okay, so I got myself sucked into the Fruba series and have decided to write a fic… Well, my idea came from several things. 1) I always wanted to write a dark fic and I could only think of making one of the characters suicidal. 2) Meteora kind of inspired from the lyrics to some of the songs. 3) I haven't been feeling that entirely happy (No I haven't been getting any suicidal thoughts… I try to think happy when I'm upset or depressed feeling. Hurting/ Suicide just aren't that great of choices… trust me on that one) so my emotions would end up through a character so I just went along with it. Well, I hope you enjoy it!

Side Note: Words in Italics mean thoughts. "…" means speaking. (In case anyone didn't know.

Chapter1:The Beginning

Images of a silver bladed knife cutting into flesh crossed his mind. He didn't know where they came from. His reddish-brown eyes stared blankly up at the shadows of darkness creeping along his ceiling from the shadows of the trees outside. The shadows reminded him of something, but what? The shadows that are slowly taking over… He rolled on to his side and looked at the numbers that were glaring at him. 2:36 am. Rolling onto his back, another image flashed across his mind: Crimson blood that stood out against the blackness that was everywhere. He wasn't scared. At least he wasn't scared for the moment. He lifted his wrists above his face. Two scars on both wrists were barely visible from the darkness that seemed to surround him. Sighing, his arms fell down on to his stomach as his hands pushed the blankets off of him. He got up to walk around after deciding that some fresh air would help to clear his head as long as he didn't turn thoughts into a reality.

It wasn't his first time hurting himself, obviously from the scars that he bore on his tan wrists. He never could explain where the thoughts came from, but the physical pain he enforced upon himself felt wonderful. It made him forget about his past, problems, and, to a certain degree, several people whom he couldn't bear to listen to anymore. The orange haired teen knew what, or rather who, kept him from going all the way. Honda Tohru. She was the only one who ever truly seemed to worry about him, accept him, calmed him…

It's all an act… She doesn't want or need you. You're worthless to her. She doesn't deserve someone as low as you. His hands were now clenched tightly as he gritted his teeth together. Tears stung at the corner of his eyes… You're weak… why don't you just rid the world of yourself… You are and always will be a nobody. You're an outcast. You have no one. No one needs or wants you. Just end it all now. He shook his head fiercely, struggling to keep from running in to the kitchen and grabbing a knife to end it all right there.

"I…I…I can't!" He whispered to himself softly. Rain fell heavily, crashing up the earth. Lightning streaked across the sky as a strong wind began to blow. You can and you will… eventually. The thoughts continued to come, slowly taking control. But he just couldn't let it. "She needs me…I…I won't!" He began to walk into the forest not caring that he was starting to get soaked in the few minutes he walked. His pace changed rapidly into a run. He didn't know where he was running too until he found himself standing in a rocky clearing all too familiar. It was the same clearing where Tohru had accepted his true form, his cursed form which dwelled inside his body. Let the blood spill out of your body. No one would care. It'll help end your pains and troubles… "I won't." He yelled out falling on to the muddy ground. The scream echoed through the forest.

A scream was heard in the distance causing a dark haired man to awake from his sleep. The scream sounded familiar, too familiar. "Kyo…" The man muttered to himself. He quickly changed into his regular clothing and ran into the woods. After a while, he came upon the orange haired boy kneeling on the ground. Hot tears ran down his cheeks mixing in with the chilling rain. The man walked over to him and knelt beside the boy.

"Kyo, what happened? What's wrong?" The man asked still kneeling beside him. Kyo tensed feeling the other person next to him. His eyes widened as he figured out who it was.

"Sh- Shigure?" Kyo turned his head upwards to face the newcomer.

"Yes, I heard you scream. What are you doing out her in the rain? You're soaked to the bone!" Shigure said as he examined Kyo. That when he saw them. The scars on Kyo's wrist were visible considering the fact that he was wearing a t-shirt and nothing was covering his wrist. Shigure took note of this and acted as if he saw nothing.

"I was just training …" He had to think of something quick so Shigure wouldn't get suspicious over him. That was the last thing he neither needed nor wanted.

"Really… That isn't too smart. Tohru-kun won't be too pleased if she finds out that you might have caught a cold. And think about all the leek soup you'd be forced to eat..." Shigure said in his serious tone, though there were hints of him joking. He was going to have to end up calling Hatori to tell him about this. Plus he knew that Kyo would end up sick in one way or other. Something told him that Kyo's story was a lie. Whenever it rained, Kyo would be too exhausted to even bother to train. "Well either way, we should head back now."

Shigure stood and straightened out his clothing. Kyo followed suit and the two headed back to the house. Once there, Shigure went to grab some towels and came back holding one out to Kyo. Kyo took the offered towel and dried off his hair. He dried it the best he could before draping the now damp towel around his neck.

"You should get some rest. No running off. I just remembered I have to check up on something." Shigure said. The last part was a lie but knew the Kyo wouldn't catch it. Kyo walked up the stairs and closed the door to his room. Lying down on his bed, he felt himself drifting into sleep. Downstairs, Shigure walked over to the phone and picked it up, dialing a number that he usually called when some one needed a doctor. The line rang for a few times before some one answered.

"Hello?" asked a deep voice that sounded a bit drowsy. But it couldn't be blamed for it was around three in the morning.

"Sorry for calling so late Hatori, but I think something might be wrong with Kyo…" Shigure replied in a serious voice.

Hatori sat up and shifted the phone. He turned on the light beside his bed and rubbed his green eyes with his unoccupied hand. "Is he sick? It is raining and there happ-" Hatori was cut off by Shigure.

"Nothing like that… He seems to be more quiet and isn't around all that much. Instead, he keeps himself locked up in his room. And just 30 minutes ago I found him in the woods. I think he might've been crying. Also, he was wearing a t-shirt. On his wrists I could've sworn to see some marks. They were on both wrists." Shigure said. Hatori fell silent for a few moments to absorb all of the information that he was just given. His eyes narrowed somewhat in suspicion.

"I'll be over later on today after I check up on Akito. I'll see what's up."

"Thank you, Hatori."

"Anytime." With that said, both men hung up their phones. Shigure sighed and leaned up against the wall taking the time to think about this himself.

Teal blue eyes stared horrified at what she had accidentally overheard. She didn't mean too. Tears began to fill her eyes. She didn't notice Kyo's behavior to be any different until what she had heard Shigure say. It fit into why he seemed to be more withdrawn than usual. "Kyo…" She muttered to herself as she turned her head to the direction of his room. She suddenly didn't feel so thirsty like she did before. Quickly, yet quietly, she went back to her room just as Shigure made his way up the stairs.

After a few hours, Tohru awoke to only another cloudy day. She had temporarily forgotten about the conversation she had overheard by accident. She quickly changed into a light blue short skirt and a white v-neck long-sleeved shirt that fit her nicely. After braiding her hair into two pigtails she made her way downstairs into the kitchen to start working on making breakfast for everyone when they awoke.

"Tohru, I'm hungry. What's for breakfast?" Shigure asked in his usual tone he used to ask that question.

"Oh! Good morning, Shigure!" She said before going one telling him what was for breakfast. A dark haired boy walked into the kitchen as he rubbed the sleep out of his dark purple eyes, still half asleep. Tohru smiled over at him as she turned the stove off and placed the food onto a large serving platter. "Morning, Yuki!" She said as she exited the room with the platter gripped in both hands. She placed the food on to the table and returned in the kitchen to grab the tea which had just been freshly made. The table was complete. The three sat down at the table and began to eat. Tohru looked over at the only empty spot. It was the same spot the Kyo sat at for every meal. I guess he's still sleeping… I guess I'll just fix him something else when he wakes up…

Kyo awoke, feeling the same emotions like earlier that morning. He sighed and got up to get dressed in his usual garments of clothing, taking his time so that he could possibly avoid Shigure and Yuki. He was in no mood to deal with them at the moment. While he was halfway out of his room, he heard a knock on the front door.

"Oh, hello Hatori! Come in. How are you today?" Tohru asked in her regular cheerful voice.

"I'm fine Tohru. How are you?" He said taking off his shoes and walking into the hallway over to where Tohru stood.

"I'm good." She replied smiling.

"That's good to hear. Where's Shigure at?"

"He's in his office." She replied. Kyo walked down the stairs as she spoke her response to Hatori.

"Kyo, Shigure and I need to talk to you." Hatori looked at Kyo in a serious manner.

"Why so?" Was the first thing that came from Kyo's mouth as he shoved his hands into the pockets into his pale blue sweat jacket. Tohru looked between the two before she remembered what she had heard.

"Umm… Excuse me but I have to go work on the laundry. Kyo, just tell me when you would like to eat breakfast." They both nodded as she walked off.

"I'm just going to give you a regular checkup. Plus I need to talk to you about something."

"Fine, whatever." Kyo responded as he walked behind Hatori into Shigure's office. Once inside the office, the pair sat down in front of Shigure's desk.

"Take off you jacket, Kyo." Hatori demanded in his usual tone. Kyo did what he was told and took off the jacket. Once it was off, though, he didn't hesitate to shove his hands into his pockets. It was obvious that he was trying to hide something, though Kyo tried his best to make it see that everything was normal. "Let me see your wrists." Hatori said as he stared Kyo straight in the eyes. Kyo shifted uncomfortably as he stared between the two adults, quickly catching on.

"You're not here for a check up, are you, Hatori?" Kyo asked somewhat calmly. He knew he was trapped. But how? How did they find out about…? Those were the only thoughts that inhabited his mind.

"Not exactly, Kyo. We're just concerned about you. You've changed. You've become more withdrawn…" Shigure said shifting in his seat.

"Let me see your wrists, Kyo." Hatori said repeating his command staring at Kyo sternly.

"No, there's nothing wro-" Hatori grabbed Kyo's left arm and pulled his wrist out of his pocket. Kyo was caught off guard and didn't react fast enough. The underside of his wrist was flipped upwards revealing the scars. Kyo stared wide eyed at the two men not sure how to react. His heart thumped within his chest quickly as he began to panic. He did the only thing that came to mind. He twisted his wrist out of Hatori's grip and got up running out of the room and away from them.

"Hmmm… This isn't good." Hatori stated. "Shigure, would you mind if I were to stay the night for a few days? I'd like to monitor Kyo and possibly be able to talk to him to find out what's going on…" Shigure only nodded as a silence fell over the room.

Tohru saw a blur of orange run pass her. "Kyo!" She yelled. She didn't know why but she found herself running after him, trying her hardest to try to catch up to him. He ignored her and picked up speed loosing himself in the woods. Moments later, Tohru gave up the chase. Kyo…What's going on? I'm so worried about you… She stared down the path he had run down before she turned and walked back over to the yard where she was hanging the laundry up to dry. She couldn't concentrate on her task at hand. Kyo was the only thought that came to mind.

Author's Note: Well, that's all for chapter 1. I hope this doesn't seem rushed and I hope you guys enjoyed it. If you did, chapter 2 shall be coming soon. Well, review if you want. Later.