Human Sacrifice
Do you still remember when you promised me the perfect love?
Tala… Why in hell did I believe you? You told me that you love me, that you'd never leave me. Lee was right. Why I fool didn't believe him. Now he's gone from my life, doesn't even see me. No-one from our village would see me anymore. I'm as good as dead, and you Tala, killed me.
And I gave you everything and still you said it wasn't enough.
I left everything, to be with you. I stayed in a country that was too cold for me. You promised to keep me warm, but you didn't. I was with you almost every minute, and yet you asked, why I didn't see you. That was enough.
When you hit me verbally, put me on my knees and blamed it on me.
Mariah, you poured all your problems on me. And the choice was yours. You chose to stay with me; you drove all my friends away. You left everything; your brother doesn't want to talk with you, your friends won't even look at you. Yet everything was my fault. My whole life I craved for friendly words and every word you said hurt me. I had lived within lies and the truth hurt.
And I'd swallow it down.
I don't know how long I've been here. Just sitting, staring into nothingness. I'm too tired to move, I'm drained. My feelings are a mess. Complete mess. I believe you. Everything is my fault. You're an outcast, just like me. But not all the outcasts belong together. There is no place, where to go. Nothing but guilt.
I let you break my wings, chose to become your caged up bird.
You wanted to own me, Tala. I accepted that. I don't know why. You needed someone to be near. And in the end, you had nobody else. Everyone abandoned you in instant when they heard I'm with you, live in the same apartment, and sleep in the same bed. I didn't feel the wind anymore, didn't smell the grass, didn't see the forest. There was just black and murky, white and suffocating.
Ate your bull shit promises and cherished every fucking word.
You told me, that you love me more than anything. But was it all just nonsense mumbled with lust? Yes. You never said it afterwards. Only when I had you in my embrace, warmed your cold body with my own. I wanted to hear the words again and again. To hear that there is even one who loves me. Promises to be with me.
Now like a freedom phoenix burning from a rising sun.
I wake up and the room is cold. You're gone. I know what I said to you. I remember it now. And I wouldn't take back a word. Coldness has taken over again. I miss you, but I can't say that aloud. No-one is here to hear it. The walls won't answer. Because you're not here either.
Here is my vindication.
Alright, okay
You're gonna get a taste of my heartbreak
Right now, today
I'm gonna make you regret all your dirty ways
Alright, okay
You're gonna get a taste of my heartbreak
Right now, today
I'm gonna make you become my human sacrifice
Tala. I'm not an object which you can throw away when you need it no more. You might not need me, but I need you. I know what you have been through. You wanted compassion and warmth, but you never returned the feelings. I'll show you. You toyed with my emotions; it's only fair to return the favour. I don't care if my words insulted you. It was meant to happen. I still don't know what to do, but I won't return. Not yet.
Let's go back into the time you stained my heart like merlot wine.
I remember every night with you. The coldness was gone, there was only warmth. You were gentle, even though you never showed that side of you to the others. The hands that hurt the others caressed me gently. You treated me like the most precious china. You never stopped even after I told you, that I won't break. I remember what your hair felt like. So soft and smooth. Mine felt just the opposite, no matter what you said.
Didn't care if I was sick, you left me alone to cry and die.
You yelled at me. I just cowered there and cried. I felt something break inside of me. Something that caused pain. I don't know, was that meant to happen, but the pain didn't subside. It paralyzed me. I'm lying on my bed and try to ignore the agony wrenching my chest. It won't leave me. It's still searing. I wish I could just die.
Your human sacrifice alone in your church of love and lies.
I was just a fleeting lust. When you thought you were strong enough without me, you gave me the cold shoulder again. Just like when I met you for the first time. Your skin was yet again cold beneath my hand, you pulled away. I sat on your lap and you pushed me away. Then I knew. You had lied.
I did not forget.
I see a picture of us on my nightstand. It's still there, glass is broken. You threw it at me, when you got angry with me. Did I deserve it, I don't know. I know nothing. I look at it. You were smiling happily, even though you had only me. I don't know who took it. Passer-by, I presume. A weird feeling alongside pain confuses me. Do I miss you?
I'm back with ammunition, on a mission that will make you pay.
I'm standing behind your door. Something just pulled me here. Maybe because you owe me. You have a mission. I find the key and open the door. Not a sound. Are you even at home? I heard from your neighbour, that you hadn't left or even turned on the lights after I left. I'm a neko-jin, I can easily see in the dark. You sit on the sofa, or more like lie. You're clutching your chest, You've got to be faking it. You heard me coming and you try to look like you care. You don't move, when I walk to you, avoiding things. Things that I threw.
Back with a bazooka and a bullet where I wrote your name.
Finally I stand before you. Your dull eyes turn to me. Something comes alive in them, they're not dead completely. You reach to touch the bump, but I slap your hand away. You start to cough if you were sick. I take steps backwards as you fall to the floor to a pathetic heap. You keep coughing, but I think you're just begging my pity. You disgust me. I'm tempted to kick you, but I can't. The one who throws the first punch, always throws the first punch. You try to say my name, talk to me, but you go silent when I hiss to you.
Risen up from the ashes ready for my justice day.
I returned, so you'd see what you did. I grab you be the scruff of your neck and yank your head up, so you can clearly see. I scream at you and I don't care about the blood dripping from your lips. You are begging for pity. You harmed yourself so that I'd pity you and return. Not working, Tala. I've had it.
Here I come for you.
I call you names, you just listen. You know that I'm right. Your eyes are lifeless again. You used me. I was nothing more than a bed warmer. Bed warmer that cost you dear. You had me to yourself. I only had you. And finally you abandoned me too.
Alright, okay
You're gonna get a taste of my heartbreak
Right now, today
I'm gonna make you regret all your dirty ways
Alright, okay
You're gonna get a taste of my heartbreak
Right now, today
I'm gonna make you become my human sacrifice
You won't see me ever again. Where ever I'm going, I take our child with me. You can go to hell. Die, you are useless. No-one will miss you.
Do you still remember when you promised me the perfect love?
Why are you yelling? You're shouting to my ear and I can barely hear. I told you nothing. I don't know, I don't remember. I know, asking for forgiveness for both of our sakes. Everything is lost already. You want me to die. Mariah, your wish is about to come true. Sooner than you think. I'm done, doomed. For my whole life I missed the warmth, and when I finally had it and more else, all of a sudden you turn your back to me, start to insult me. I destroyed your life. And there is barely nothing left of mine either.
And I gave you everything and still you said it wasn't enough.
I told you I love you. And you didn't believe me. What else I can do?
When you hit me verbally, put me on my knees and blamed it on me.
You want to strike me. I can see it. Your hands are shaking, your eyes are slits. Cold golden eyes. Say what you want. Do what you want. I don't care anymore.
And I'd swallow it down.
I stagger to my feet, pain is searing through my chest. I want it to end. I want to be alone. I find what I'm looking for behind locked doors. When I got the knife, I don't remember. Back then everything was fine. I guess. I press the blade against my chest. I hear your voice through the door. Go away.
I let you break my wings chose to become your caged up bird.
I try to open the door, but it's locked. Alright. I turn away and leave. I don't know where to head, but I leave anyway.
Ate your bull shit promises and cherished every fucking word.
The pain in my chest stopped. I hit the target. I don't care if I'm lying on my bed and a knife is sticking out of my chest. I feel pain no more and I can close my eyes, be at peace and die. Die. You took everything from me. Everything, Mariah.
Now like a freedom phoenix burning from a rising sun.
Everyone has someone to walk with and they look at me like nothing more than a old chewing gum on the street. I walk alone. I'm pregnant and I walk alone. Not interested.
Here is my vindication.
Goodbye Tala.
Alright, okay
You're gonna get a taste of my heartbreak
Right now, today
I'm gonna make you regret all your dirty ways
Alright, okay
You're gonna get a taste of my heartbreak
Right now, today
I'm gonna make you become my human sacrifice
