A/N: Mina here, bringing you my latest obsession *drum roll please* MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. I seriously cannot get enough of this show! Obviously I had to do my take on Ward and Skye because I waited ALL SEASON for them to make-out and then they mind f*cked me and Mina was sad. But it makes for great angst and that's where I come in. No copyright infringement intended on any of the characters. I just wanna have fun with Specialist Grant Ward. Lana Del Rey is my muse for this one. See you at the bottom!
"Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise.
No one compares to you, I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side…"
- Lana Del Rey, Dark Paradise
Dark Paradise
Chapter 1
I can't even remember how long I've been in this cell. Well that's technically a lie. I know exactly how long I've been confined – down to the last second. You see my rational mind is always calculating things even if I don't realize it consciously. So I know it had been 37 days, 14 hours, 5 minutes and 23 seconds since everything I'd ever worked for had ceased to exist.
I know they all have questions. I can feel them behind the protective wall whispering their theories, retracing steps to calculate how they could have missed it. The truth is, there was no way they could have ever caught it. I had been so deeply undercover that even I couldn't remember who or what I truly was anymore. As expected they file in and try to get information out of me. I let Melinda beat the shit out of me even though I was more than willing to give up any information. I deserved to feel pain but it was more than that. Instinctively I knew that by allowing her to release her frustrations on me I was likely helping her let go of her anger. That's the thing about May, her fury had no match of that I was certain, but once it was gone there was no calling it back. This was my gift to her.
"You're making this too easy", she says through clenched teeth. "It almost takes all the fun out of it," she says playfully as her knee connects with my jaw and I fall to the ground. While looking at the swirls in the concrete I realize I can already feel her anger dissipating; usually I'd be unconscious by now.
I signal her to stop and in walks Coulson flanked by two bodyguards. That's interesting, I muse.
He gets right to it. "Are you ready to talk or should we let Melinda continue her interrogation?"
I inwardly smirk. Interrogation, riiiiight.
They know my larynx is still fractured so I can't respond verbally. Coulson hands me a tablet and I write out my reply.
Yes. Where do you want to start?
He and May look at each other briefly and she's gone. The bodyguards look merciless and before I can mull over why he would need them, one of them speaks up after getting a command through his ear piece.
"Director Coulson – we have a call from our contacts, should we reschedule?"
Director? Of what?
Coulson pulls up a chair to sit and nods to the bodyguard. "I can see the wheels turning in your head Ward. My current title shouldn't concern you as much as your next sentences should."
He looks me straight in the eyes and doesn't miss a beat. "Let's be honest here. I don't like you. Nothing would make me happier than to see you gone. No one would really miss you and we'd be doing society a public service so that's a win win. But you know how I operate and it's not my place at this time to dictate that sentence against you. I will tell you this, if you so much as act up once I will literally make you beg for death. Death will be a vacation compared to what you'll be feeling." He stops and stares me down for a few seconds, then adds "Do I make myself clear?"
I nod in assent. I know Coulson isn't an unfeeling man but the events that have transpired have changed him and I know he means every word.
"Good, now tell me about your operations with Hydra – start from the beginning".
And so I do. I tell him everything about how Garrett found me in juvie, how he left me to fend for myself in the woods. I explained my training, how I applied and got into S.H.I.E.L.D. The different missions, which ones were HYDRA motivated and which ones I actually did for S.H.I.E.L.D. I tell him everything about getting assigned to his team, my communication with Garrett about how things were going all up until the moment I faced off with Melinda and was captured.
Hours go by and finally Coulson feels content with all I've given him for now at least.
"That'll be all for today. Can we please get some food ?" he says aloud to whoevers listening. He starts to get up and I signal him to wait.
I know I have no right but I just need to know.
Are Fitz and Simmons okay?
He looks at me like I have five heads. For the first time today, I've truly seen emotion flicker across his face. As quickly as it appeared it's gone and hardness has taken over.
"You mean after you sunk them to the bottom of the ocean? I'm not quite sure what you're getting at here Ward. There is no need to pretend any longer."
I feel anger bubble in my chest. Of course they think this is just a ruse, how could I possibly care about any of them if I've lied to them this whole time?
I type back furiously. I didn't know the pod would sink, I thought it would float. It was my best option seeing as how Fitz directly affronted Garrett. Had he been well enough he would have killed them himself.
Coulson takes a minute to process what I've written. "Hmm, I see. All you need to know is that they survived." With that he slides the chair back to its place and goes to leave flanked by his guards once more.
He stops at the door and says "Oh and one more thing – questions about team members are off-limits. This is your first and only warning."
And with that he's gone.
Week pass. My routine with Coulson has become perfunctory. He asks questions and I type them up. I do push-ups and squats to keep my mind and body busy. By the end of the day I'm so exhausted I don't even dream, and I prefer it that way.
They have a doctor come and visit me now and again to ensure my larynx is healing correctly. He doesn't ask anything that's not related to my health and I don't bother with small talk. Who gives a shit anyway?
Soon enough my voice starts to come back. According to Dr. G it's going to be hoarse for a while, so I should start off slow.
The next time Coulson asks me a question I answer unprecedently with my voice. It sounds sort of like me, but different too. It's been so long since I've heard my own voice I even forgot what it sounded like. Speaking still hurts so I revert to typing instead for the rest of the conversation.
That night as I get ready for bed I can't shake the feeling that someone is watching me. I'm used to being surveilled, but this time it's different. I think it's her. Just thinking in that general vicinity causes me to move back involuntarily. I don't want to think about her. I shouldn't want to think about her, not after everything that happened.
She hates me obviously. She's disgusted. Fuck, even I'm disgusted. But I can't deny my connection to her. It's so real, so palpable I feel it buzzing in the air. It can only be her that makes me feel that way. And I hate myself for putting that sad, defeated look on her face. For the first few months I would vomit just thinking about how she looked that day.
I don't let myself think about her too much anymore. It's too painful and she deserves to feel something real with someone. Someone who isn't a giant mind-fucker extraordinaire. Someone who can give her a normal life and love her how she deserves. That will never be me no matter how much I want it to be.
"I know you're there" I say aloud as I lay in bed. I wait for the longest time for a clue that she's listening but it never comes.
….
Her voice and face haunt my dreams that night. Like a dark paradise luring me in with its beauty, but slaying me with its pain. I let myself feel this one night. Pretend like the smile she gives me aren't out of fear to appease me. Her lips feel so soft, her body so supple and warm against me. My mind and body groan in unison. She is truly breathtaking. It's here that I realized how I never had a chance. If I met her in a thousand lifetimes, I would fall in love with her .time.
"You are so beautiful to me", I say because it's true and it's the only way I can tell her. We are on a beach overlooking the water at dusk.
"You are such a dork you know that?", she says laughing and kissing my neck.
I don't want to ever wake from this dream. It's the only place I can delude myself into thinking she could ever want me, even if my mind can't ever do Skye justice.
We take a leisurely stroll down the beach but suddenly she's talking faster now, pulling me towards something I can't quite make out in the dark. I ask her to slow down but she turns around and yells at me…
I'm startled awake and find delicate hands pushing at me.
It's her.
"WARD! WARD! WAKE UP PLEASE!"
I look around the room foggily. I hear alarms going off and the emergency lights have turned on.
"Skye? What the fu-,what is this?"
Her tone is grave. "Be quiet and come with me, the bus is under attack."
That's all I need to hear. My senses kick in and I'm ready to decimate anyone who comes near us.
"Let's go" I say as she grabs my hand and we run into the darkness.
A/N: So?! I know it's still early and there was a lot of Ward just talking to himself but I promise next chapter will have more dialogue between Ward and Skye and DEFINITELY more ANGST. So get ready for that! I tried to make him true to character but I also wanted to show that he does care for Skye. I would like to point out that Ward is NOT a triple agent in this story. He was actually HYDRA (though not a Nazi) just a loser who followed Garrett. And he does care for Skye that much is real. But hopefully our homeboy can redeem himself soon. I do want this to be a HEA, but I want it to be realistic. Skye isn't going to wake up one day and pretend that Ward wasn't a double agent for his whole career. On another note, reviews get you ProtectiveWard (the sexiest kind) ;-)
