THE DOUBLE STANDARD DECONSTRUCTION

"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass." Cordelia, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

NOTE

Special credit I must give to tvtropes. Without it I would have been a fool. Oh, and the Big Bang Theory is not mine. I only own the story.


HER ROOM

They were making out.

"So according to Alex, I might have been hit all the time," he said. "Far more often than I realized. I was like laughing all the way to my office. Can you believe that?"

She laughed. "Why not? She's right, you know. You are smart. You are funny. What more do girls need from a man?"

"I don't know. Height, maybe. English accent. Muscles."

She kissed him. "You're still jealous, aren't you?"

"Can't pretend I'm not."

She licked his ears. "You're not even trying. See, I'm not smart but I know what love is."

"Which is?"

She tightened her hug. "Accept you the way you are."

"Well, if that's the case, Raj would have had a harem by now."

She chuckled. "The poor thing. I felt sorry for him when you made fun of him in front of Alex."

He chuckled too. "Me, too."

And then he remembered.

"I never told you that."

"What?"

"That I made fun of Raj in front of Alex."

"Oh, well—"

He sat up.

"You're spying on me."

"I wasn't!" But she was. He knew her as much as she knew him. So he'd thought. "I'm just, I got dragged by Amy, she was worried about her around Sheldon, so I came to the university, and saw you with a very smart woman—"

"That's why you kept asking me what happened at work on dinner."

"No, I—"

"Yes, you. That's also why you took me out in front of her. Told her a lot of people can't experiment with me."

"Come on, you're not—"

"But I am. But I am," he said. "You know, for someone who told me I'm supposed to trust my partner, you don't exactly live up your own words."

He stood.

"Where are you going?"

He kept going. He did not answer. She rushed around him.

"Please."

"What?"

"Look. I'm sorry that I didn't trust you then—"

"Is that what you think this is about?"

"Well, what is it, then?"

She is holding her tears, he saw. He knew she was begging for more sand to her hourglass. But now he wouldn't sell her any.

"It's about your bullshit."

"What?"

"Your double standard. It pisses me off."

"I don't understand—"

"If you could be jealous of Alex's intelligence, why can't I be jealous of Cole's British accent?"

She couldn't answer.

"If you're insecure about your brain, why can't I be insecure about my height?"

Still no answer.

"You're mad at me because I watched Cole and warned him off. But those are exactly the same fucking thing you did with Alex. Tell me the difference." Before she could open her mouth, he answered it himself. "None. I just wish I knew then what I know now. But there is no difference."

"Okay, I admit it, but that's only one time—"

"Remember the time you strolled into my apartment, drunk, eager for sex, and I gladly obliged?"

"What about it?"

"Why can't I do the same with you? Is that because you're a woman and you can have drunk sex as you like? But I can't?"

Again, no answer. He tried to step around her, but she held his hand.

"All right, fine, I accept that, don't go, I'm so sorry—"

"I don't need your apology." He smiled. "And I don't want it either."

"What do you want, then? Please, just tell me and I—"

"I want your appreciation."

"All right, all right! I really appreciate that—"

But she had nothing to say, and he knew he'd scored. "Appreciate that I what?"

"You..."

"You can't even tell right away. Let me demonstrate so you can understand. Do you remember when I was trying to help with your paper?"

"I'm about to say that."

"No you're not. You thought I thought you're stupid. And so you bitched at me for making a big deal about it. For trying to help you. For fixing your F paper."

Her face was red.

"You must have Bernadette and Amy helping you with it. Probably bullied them to it, too. Like the mean prom queen to geek girls."

Even redder.

"It's not funny. Even if we were in a sitcom and there's laugh track that accompanies us, it's still not funny. Like anyone with a brain wouldn't have noticed it."

So red, her whole face could have been a wound. She was hurt. Good. He was tired being the one who got hurt.

"And what right do you have to make me pretend your blurting 'I love you' isn't a big deal?"

"I just don't want things to get complicated between us!"

"But it already has. I once blurted it out, said I love you. What did you do? You broke up with me."

She was silent.

"It's not me moving too fast. It's you who's afraid of commitment."

He stepped around her. Again, she tried to hold his hand. But this time he slapped it away.

"Why?"

"You've been taking me for granted, and I'm sick of it."

"That's not true—"

"Like I need you more than you need me."

In the past, maybe. But no more. She couldn't take responsibility in a relationship, that shit is on her. Not him. He didn't plan to give his life to a brat, a bully, a bitch. A cunt. And so he walked away, walked for the door, walked for the life he was entitled to.

"Leonard!"

He paused on the threshold. Turned around. She was crying. Normally he would be crying, too. Just like she said he would. Tears streamed down her red twisted face, ruining it into some sort of mess the art students made in their intro courses. It was an unseemly sight.

And it was at that moment he realized. She was only one woman, nothing more. She wasn't an invincible goddess he'd thought she'd been. She was beautiful woman, no doubt about that, but she wasn't the only woman out there. This world had a lot of other potential bright balls of sunshine for his life. He only had to find one. Or even if he didn't, he certainly wouldn't regret leaving the one who didn't deserve him. Like her.

Maybe Alex was right. He might have been hit on by girls far more often than he thought. Or maybe not. No matter. He needed to move on. Girls or no girls, he needed to end this. It was past time to deconstruct this double standard.

"Fuck you, Penny."

He closed the door.