A/N: I have no idea where this came from, honestly. Please excuse the cheese-ness. Please R&R, I'd love you forever.
Disclaimer: I always forget to do these! Don't own nothing.
He was always better than me.
At everything, and at anything.
It started when we were teenagers.
He'd get the girl; I'd get to watch as they made out in front of me.
For his birthday, he got a guitar. For mine; I got a scarf.
There was always that little twinge of jealousy that always was between us.
Part of me wanted to pretend it wasn't there, but the other part wanted me to call him out on it.
We had met Maureen and April around the same time. His band was getting bigger, and my confidence was getting smaller.
Maureen helped change that, just a little.
"Be who you are, Marky!" She'd always say.
But how could I be who I was when there was always somebody bigger and better than me?
The first time this cycle ended was when he found out he had AIDS.
And when April died.
It was an awful feeling, but suddenly, I was feeling better about myself. Seeing my friend, who, his whole life had been lucky, now had a change in luck.
Just when I thought the cycle had ended, it started right back up again.
I lost Maureen; he gained Mimi. I lost hope; he gained love.
It was a confession I had never admitted to anybody; about my jealousy. I knew how awful I'd look; I knew that they would pity me more.
I did like, however, that every time I stood behind that camera, I was from the outside looking in. I didn't have to worry about drama, I didn't have to worry about heartbreak; I'd just capture it. Capturing it was better than experiencing it.
What I did get to experience was seeing six very different people, all from very different backgrounds, struggle to connect; struggle to find something that could bring them together. I witnessed it. I captured it. I saved it. And I loved it.
Maybe life isn't all about the people around you. Maybe it's about finding your own way first, finding who you are. Interacting with people is just a mere scene in life. The people around you will change, you will change. The people around you will grow, and you will grow. As long as you witness it, as long as you capture it, as long as you save it, and as long as you love it, life will go on.
As much as I hated Roger at times, he was always there for me. As much as I hated myself at times; my camera was always there to remind me. I think deep down Roger knew what I was feeling, but he didn't let it get in the way of our friendship.
Now that he's gone, now that Mimi's gone, now that Collins and Angel are too; I've realized that being the witness was better then being the star. Which is something I am forever thankful for.
